I am, I know it, I need a kicking: childminders are icky and second-best

[arses]

Okay, so ds is 9 months and I had him down to go to an Outstanding nursery near to where I work. However, despite my best efforts (and up to 6 hours of lessons a week) I have not learned to drive and although I hope to pass before I return in December, I am beginning to realise how impossible it would be for me to commute 50 minutes with a potentially grumpy baby in the back of the car when I still need 100% attention and focus (and in the Winter months, maybe even more so...).

So, I need to rethink childcare. And for many reasons, I know that a childminder would be the best option for us. I work term time, it's cheaper, ds is under 2 and all the research says a home environment is best etc etc

BUT

I just have a terrible secret snobbery about it. I know why. My sister went to a CM and I used to be taken care of there occasionally and remember it as a dour, dark soulless place where the CM's kids bullied us and it stank of fags and no-one ever spoke unless to tell you off.

I was trying to be grown-up and reflective about this experience since having ds, not helped by a trip to a playgroup locally earlier in the year which was populated by CM's and there were about a million kids tearing into eachother Lord of the Flies style while these CM's sat in a circle at the top of the hall drinking tea and bitching about the parents of their charges.

So, please, tell me IABU to think CM's are icky and unpleasant and that I am a terrible snob and that I should fuck off and get over my pfbishness and realise my child isn't the only child in the world etc. I am BU, yes? Please?

I have to say now, that my issue with nurseries is that the children are stuck in the same room possibly from 8 - 6, 5 days a week. They rarely leave the premises.

A good childminder can be so much more flexible. For example, my CM did a topic on farms last year, so they did lots of farm songs and things in the house etc, but then she took them to the farm, saw the animals and as it was a pick your own farm, they then picked their own fruit before bringing it back to make a fruit salad. A child in a nursery would never get that kind of experience. My CM takes the children out to various places a lot - soft play, the park, the pet shop, the farm, have breakfast with father Christmas even the cinema.

Also, if you're concerned about interaction with similar aged children, then you can combine a childminder with preschool. My Childminder took my DDs to pre school and collected them for me, so that they still get all the 'pre school' experience, but actually are not stuck in the same few rooms day in day out.

Our childminder is friends with other childminders in the area, one is one of her very good friends. They help each other out when necessary (which is only rarely), and as I have met both and dd knows and likes them both, I have no problem with this.

I second what most folk have said - childminders can be fabulous. I visited three, when choosing, and one just gave off very weird vibes. The one I chose, when I first walked into her house I wasn't sure...the house was very small (but then so is mine), and the CM herself I didn't warm to at first sight. Probably because I was so panicky about having to choose a childminder! But dd was a baby of 6 months then and she was with me; at one point CM wanted to hand me a folder of some documents for me to check (certificates, safety stuff, etc etc) and took dd off me to hold her, to give me two hands to look at the folder. Within 2 minutes dd was sleeping in CM's arms, and I glanced up from the papers and the childminder was gazing at dd with a soppy smile. That was it for me! I have never, not once, had cause to regret my decision. DD is 4.5 now and still goes to the CM, who drops her off at nursery and picks her up on the 3 days a week that I work.

Just go and visit them! It will be fine. Good luck!