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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have reported my "friend" for benefit fraud

312 replies

buttercupp · 06/09/2010 13:27

ok so cant go into too much detail for obvious reasons but i have a friend (not know for long but lives near me) and i have been debating for a while now whether to report her or not for living with her partner who is also claiming as living alone.

so today i have done it finally after being fed up of hearing what other electrical applicance they have bought with the stupid amount of money they have been given when my DH is out at work slogging his guts out just to make ends meet.

The reason i havent done it before is like i say she is supposed to be my friend,we have had nights out together and she has a baby so have felt a bit bad in that respect too but i knew i had to do the right thing.
would i be a hypocrite to continue to be her friend or should i avoid her from now on? i do like the girl just dont agree with what she was doing.and anyone know what will happen now i have reported her?

OP posts:
compo · 06/09/2010 13:29

Well if you avoid her she'll know it was you
but if you stay friends you'll be a hypocrite and you'll have to lie and sympathise when she tells you she's been reported for benefit fraud

sexybrunettemotherof5 · 06/09/2010 13:29

Wow! What a great friend you are! NOT!

scurryfunge · 06/09/2010 13:31

Well done buttercupp. She doesn't sound like the sort of person you would want to associate with anyway. You'll have to accept the friendship is over.

maighdlin · 06/09/2010 13:32

good for you doing the right thing!!

As for still being her friend, see what happens, then if it all goes to hell gradually move away from her.

NordicPrincess · 06/09/2010 13:33

well what you did wasnt really the kind of thing id expect from a friend at all. So i guess you should probebly just write the friendship off because if I were her I wouldnt speak to you again.

not trying to be nasty, its just not really something that I would think of as something a friend would do to another friend

laurely · 06/09/2010 13:36

I don't agree with benefit fraud but I am not sure at all that I could report a friend.

Did you ever speak to her about her claiming fraudulently?

ShirleyKnot · 06/09/2010 13:37

Well, I suppose that now you have reported she will be investigated.

I bet she bought a massive plasma HD tv didn't she? The disgusting scrounger.

Anyway, you're not her friend at all are you? So I'm a) confused as to why you would call yourself such; and b) why you're worried about it.

JellyBelly10 · 06/09/2010 13:39

I hate people who cheat the benefits system, I think what you did was brave and there may well be personal reasons that you regret it later on, but basically you did the right thing. If she is flaunting the money she has and bragging about what she's buying with it then I can totally understand why you did what you did. It really annoys me that the benefits system is so bloody easy to defraud that millions of pounds are given to undeserving lazy people whilst many hard-working honest people paying into it all their lives never get anything from it at all.
I don't honestly think you would have done this if she really was an important friend to you, so I don't think this makes you a bad friend as such, I think it just shows up the fact that perhaps you weren't really that close to her to start with.

Original poster
buttercupp · 06/09/2010 13:42

yes a plasma tv is one of the many items purchased since i have met her.
I wouldnt mind so much (well i would) but they spend all of the money on themselves and the baby doesnt usually get anything...
still being pushed around in a disgustingly dirty and rickety old pushchair...and the father boasting to me that they didnt need to buy new teats for the bottles as they just "stick a pin in them"

Have taken on board comments that im not really a friend for doing it but we´re not close or anything anyway..just feel a bit nasty for doing it i suppose

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/09/2010 13:46

yes,you would be a massive hypocrite to keep being her friend.

Chaotica · 06/09/2010 13:47

I'm not surprised you feel nasty. What happens when your DH ends up out of work (a possibility at this time for anyone) and you have to live on what the benefits for couples? It's not much, you know. If they have plasma tv on anything more than hire purchase they must be better at saving than most.

scurryfunge · 06/09/2010 13:52

Chaotica, just because someone may be on benefits doesn't mean they should resort to crime.

Original poster
buttercupp · 06/09/2010 13:53

but he works too...most of it cash in hand! so they are getting benefits for him,single parent for her,housing benefit blah blah blah...just dont feel its fair atall

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 06/09/2010 13:57

Chaotica -
They're stealing from the rest of us - do you ignore a thief? Not in my book.
Buttercupp -
Sometimes the right thing isn't the easiest thing - I think you were right.

Chaotica · 06/09/2010 13:58

scurryfunge - The fact is though that there is a significant grey/black economy in this country because people on benefits can't afford to live and resort to 'crime'. I agree that that is against the law and as such is wrong, but when benefits have not risen since 1998 for childless people/couples, they have to do something to survive.

buttercupp - this is turning into AIBU by stealth as you're adding more details to this. I'll turn out that he owns a house, a bmw, a yacht and runs a company next... Wink

scurryfunge · 06/09/2010 14:02

Committing crime is a lifestyle choice.....plasma TVs are not a necessity.

Eglu · 06/09/2010 14:14

YANBU. As others said it is not a very friendly thing to do, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

I can't believe people actually have a problem with you reporting what is essentially criminal activity.

GypsyMoth · 06/09/2010 14:15

so how did you know the full ins and outs of what they were actually claiming anyway??

are you 100% sure?? cos if not,well....

minipie · 06/09/2010 14:16

Buttercupp I think you did the right thing.

If everyone claimed only what they were genuinely entitled to from the state, there would be more money available to go to those who are most in need.

Chaotica, surely if we turn a blind eye ot benefit cheating, the money will all end up in the hands of those with the lowest morals, not those with the greatest need.

Jackstini · 06/09/2010 14:17

YANBU - they are basically stealing from the rest of us.
If more people reported things like this the country would be in a hell of lot better state than it is!
OK, you probably can't be friends but you did the right thing.

longfingernails · 06/09/2010 14:17

I applaud your courage buttercupp. Well done.

usualsuspect · 06/09/2010 14:18

thats 3 today

GypsyMoth · 06/09/2010 14:19

so how did she know here friend was cheating???

and the baby she felt so sorry for?? what now for him/her?

nickelbabe · 06/09/2010 14:23

it reminds me of a thing our vicar said once - there was an anecdote where someone if it would be a sin to steal a loaf of bread because they were starving and couldn't afford one. their priest said that was totally forgivable. then the man asked if it would be a sin to steal butter for the bread. he was told, that that would be an unforgivable sin.

Basically, yo've a right for the basics in life, but if you want butter, then you should earn it.

YANBU, btw.

nickelbabe · 06/09/2010 14:24

someone asked if it would be...