To give up work and be a sahm even though the kids are in primary school?

[Mowgli1970]

I hate my job. Have done for years. I only work 2 days a week but commute an hour each way so I leave early and get back late, then have to do tea, baths, reading books, bed routine for the kids (with dh). They're 10 and 7.

He's reluctantly agreed for me to give up. Reluctantly because it will put pressure on him to earn all the money and because he thinks I'll be bored with limited adult contact. It won't be a struggle, but it will mean cutting back on non-essentials.

Should I shut up and just be grateful that it's only a 2 day a week job, aibu to want to give up work altogether? Has anyone experience of being a sahm with older children? What would you do?

I would look for another job as I'd hate to be totally financially dependant on someone else

if the school atmosphere gets you down so much, have you considered training for something else on the days when you don't work?

What would you say if your DH said he was fed up with his job, and only wanted to work 3 days a week, as he found being at home easier than going to work?

If you would be happy to do the same for you DH, then that's ok.

I think if you are that unhappy you should leave. You will be much less stressed and may find other opportunities open up. You could do a bit of supply work or voluntary work and find a school where you are happier.
I see nothing wrong in throwing yourself into being a full time mom.
My situation is similar to yours. I was able to work part time at a playgroup which my son also went to .Everything was fine for a few years and then certain factors and changes in staff left me feeling anxious and unhappy. My partner supported my decision to leave although other people must have thought i was mad to leave a job that fitted in so well with kids.
I do most of the household chores and am usually the one that attends most of the school functions so dp can concentrate on his job without having to worry at all.
It has worked out well for us even though i left for negative reasons. I do voluntary work in a school and sell my hand made cards at craft fairs ect.
Good luck with your decision. Some people on here sound a bit jealous and do not realise how demanding teaching is.

What will you do all day?

Fair comments, but I have addressed most of the issues in previous posts.

There are no jobs. I've looked for 3 years.

When I'm at home it's the idea of 2 days a week at work that seems a doddle, not sitting on my arse doing housework and other chores.

I DO have it easy on paper. But I spend the journey there feeling sick, many days I'm in tears of frustration and come home in a foul mood.

Dh has the potential to earn a lot of money, but he's self employed so I know it's a lot to ask. But on the days I work, our home life is fraught and emotional.

I'm still weighing things up, but I think giving up is not an option until I've got something else (what, I've no idea!) to go to.

Haven't read the entire thread I'm afraid, but I wouldn't tbh - even the best of husbands can get sick, get run over by buses, get sacked, find their entire profession suddenly becomes redundant, develop mental health/alcohol problems, or fall in love with their secretaries.

Keeping in touch with the job market (and planning to make career progress in the future) is an investment in your family's security.

Thanks Kerstina, I was beginning to think I was just being selfish and demanding. But it does affect my emotional well being.

Elefuntess- the possibilities are endless! Plus I'd be doing all the housework/childcare/driving them to clubs etc. For myself I'd do an OU course on art history and volunteer at either the RSPCSA or a local school.

Quattro, yes your view that 2 days a week is not enough to feel a sense of belonging could well be right. Other staff also seem jealous that I work p/t which leads to sarky comments.

"Some people on here sound a bit jealous and do not realise how demanding teaching is"

Or, some people on here know how demanding working FT in the private sectors is in comparison to 2 days teaching, and have given advice accordingly.

If it was more ten two days, then I can perfectly understand why leaving would be a good thing for your own sanity, but for just two days a week, I think it is better to keep the job for the money, the career prospects, for your own self respect, because believe me SAHMs don't get much of that. And you may find your dh becoming very bitter if you do quit with no alternative.

I would love a professional job two days a week, but it is virtually impossible for so many of us.

I don't know how to say this but if you find it so hard working 2 days and you are often in tears do you think you might have a mild depression?

It sounds to me as if the OP just loathes her job. Which is fine - it is quite all right to hate your job, as long as you recognised that fact and try to do something to improve your circumstances. She'd probably regain strength and self-esteem by stopping working altogether, having a breather, and then looking for something more amenable.

I feel sorry for your DH!

"He has the potential to earn a lot of money, but he's self employed". Does he have the potential to do any parenting? Not if he has to do all the earning while you do an OU course on art history.
That suits some couples but it doesn't sound as if that is what your DH wants.

"Some people on here sound a bit jealous and do not realise how demanding teaching is"

Haha that made me laugh. I would imagine many of the posters commenting work far more than two days.

The OP's DH is SE so all the work falls to him - how on earth is that fair just because the OP doesnt want to work anymore? I'm sensing if her DH said he was stressed or didnt fancy working anymore she wouldnt be saying thats fine you quit and i'll go and work all hours for no luxuries. Also being s/e means no guaranteed income whereas the OP will have a regular salary.

Violethills right, it would send a bad message to their children to say that if you dont enjoy working you can simply quit.

Ok, if there are no prospects of alternative jobs, is there any way you can improve your working conditions/like the job more?

For example, if you tried to break into some of the cliques, that might help? Or perhaps you could ask to work with particular TAs that you prefer (no idea if that is possible).

Would you consider moving to a full time (or 4 day a week) job if it meant more job opportunities? I imagine that would be easier to find than a different 2 day a week job.

I wonder if the DH would be funding the OU art course as well as paying for everything else? The OU isnt free is it?

Not sure you're being too fair on your DH.

I think YABU, if you were unhappy in a full time job I would say fair enough, but I really think you need to put things in perpective.
Or like others have said change career, I work in a school and yes I agree with everything you say about it (I think working in most schools you would be in the same situation tbh as mine sounds very similar) but most places of work are like that aren't they?
Think you just have to grin and bear it, it is only 2 days after all.

Not read whole thread yet but YABU. You should shut up! Since you asked!! I think you sound lazy, tbh. You did ask!

If your husband was earning good money amounts and loved being sole breadwinner and you did the job for your own amusement then maybe it would be ok but as it is - it is not OK at all. He will end up resenting you not working in a few years.

As it is you are able to get away with working 2 days a week which is luxury IMO. Quite honestly what you've got is one cushy litle number. Your kids dont need constant supervision like toddlers. I dont see why bed time for a 10 and 7 yo is hard unless they have some special requirements you didnt mention.

Find something you really enjoy, retrain, do something else, but rememeber you are in a marriage where its an equal responsibility. If you keep going with a sense of entitlement to be a SAHM for kids that arent there all the time.... you DH will really end up resenting you. I'd lay money on it.

Good luck.

I completely get why you want to stop. I'll be staying home with our DD for the forseeable so no axe to grind either way. But the difficulty is is that as adults we all need to earn our keep/pay our way etc etc...unless someone else wants to earn our keep for us for a period (I.e.@ SAHP). If the other person doesn't want to do this then we can't just go ahead and do it as this effectively forces them to shoulder our responsibilities as well...which isn't fair. How would you feel were the roles reversed? YANBU to WANT to give up, but you would be unreasonable to do so without his full blessing, not grudgingly given.

Every secondary and primary school in the country should be doing the 1-1 scheme. I've been doing 4 days a week (3 periods a day so I can still do school run) since last September. It's £25 an hour and it's English or Maths, but I know of science and languages teachers doing it. I know a primary school teacher who's doing it in 2 of the local secondary schools. It's lovely, stress free, minimal prep and you can do it in local schools.

My lottery daydream always involves charity work of some sort. I'm a mum of 3 and ds1 has special needs, but now they're all at school I need something. Having coffee and doing housework drove my mil, and many others of her generation, to a nervous breakdown. Her doctor at the time prescribed getting a job.

I think Bonsoir is right because you need a break and then I think you'll be able to regroup and find something better.There is nothing worse than a job you hate.

However, do not underestimate the value of having the holidays with your kids. Do be grateful for that.

Sort out another job. If you've hated your job for a long time, you've had ages to plan a route out.

I can understand why one partner would not want to be the sole breadwinner and imagine it would cause a huge amount of resentment. It's not fair.

And it irritates me no end when teachers moan that they can't change jobs because no other would give them th eholidays. Of course no other job would give you the same holidays but you might enjoy it. And sorting childcare is easy.

"Ummm, if OPs husband agrees, then surely it's up to OP whether she quits her job?"

but she came on AIBU to ask for opinions!!