to want to kidnap my 2 year old nephew and feed him biscuits?

[dilemma456]

My nephew (nearly 3) is a vegeterian - my SIL's choice and not one that my brother supports though he tolerates it.

He is also denied anything but organic vegetables, nuts or dairy products and only brown bread and not allowed cake, biscuits or anything processed. He is even stopped from eating anything but the food his mum brings him at birthday parties. Even when he goes to visit family she sends a packed meal or there is a list we can choose from

There are no health problems and my SIL is lovely apart from this obsessive behaviour over food.

AIBU to want to spirit him away to a table covered in crisps, chocolates and biscuits? I don't mind the vegeterian side of things but the rest is wearing.

And I suspect the child was crying cos the OP was allowing her child to repeatedly "try and share" with their cousin when SIL had said no! Of course the child is gonna be upset if something is being waved in his face and he can't have it!

Of course you can like carrot sticks and crisps. My DD likes both - probably likes crisps more. But I'm her mum and I don't want her eating them regularly so she doesn't.

How long does your SIL intend to carry this on for?

I don't think it's bad to trying and avoid junk food as much as possible when your children are very small, as they don't usually know what they're missing out on. But it sounds like your SIL is taking it too far, and it may become an issue for the poor boy.

FWIW my mum was very strict about sugar, sweets and biscuits when I was a kid, but me and my sisters were experts in getting our hands on them somehow. We ate dog chocolates and cooking chocolate stolen from the cupboard, we used to only play with children who's parents would give us biscuits, we used to steal money from my mums purse to buy sweets etc.

I don't think it gave us a particularly healthy attitute to food at all. In fact I can't have 'nice' food in the house at all, or I will just eat it all at once. I have absolutely no self control around sweet food - perhaps because I never learnt to?

YABU. Why biccies (yuck), the wee thing needs some meat... I know I'll have all furious vegans et al at my back for saying this, but IMnotsoHO, children should eat meat for various reasons, the least of all parent forcing his/hers dietary constrictions on a child; let them make the decision themselves.
[Rollmops has just taken an enormous leg of wild boar out of oven and opened a smooth Rioja. OK, the second one. hic]

...parent should not force.... etc.

quite right Riven

I think she's teaching him bad manners, apart from anything else. The way I was brought up, if you're invited to someone's house and they go to the trouble of cooking tea or whatever for you, the polite thing is to eat it and say thank you, even if it's not your favourite thing or not what you're used to getting at home.

Different if there are allergies or other reasons for a special diet, but just implying that the other family's food isn't good enough for you or your precious child, not pure and worthy and organic enough, that's quite rude IMO.

Only people I know that could stuff their faces full of sweets and chocolate are those denied them as a child. I was denied nothing. I don't really like cakes, sweets or chocolate that much and have never had a weight issue. My kids will eat as much chocolate/biscuits/cake as they feel like and usually leave some their friends who are denied them stuff their faces and ask for more.

Its all just food - who knows what is better and worse for you ultimately. If you are not overweight who cares... I'm sure there are many 90 year olds who have had a diet of Mr Kipling cakes and others (I know one poor woman) who died young of cancer who never drank, ate wholefoods, exercised alot, never smoked etc.. Alot of it is genetics.

No I don't think YABU.

My mother was one of those neurotic diet obsessed mothers. You name it, I wasn't allowed it. But then she wasn't as bad as your SIL as my mum let us have the odd biscuit or sweet now and again and a little ice cream for dessert sometimes.

As soon as I was old enough I went nuts. I clearly remember being about 14 years old and buying a can of pepsi for the first time in my life and actaully feeling quite deviant about it.

While it's good to have a healthy diet, a little in moderation never did anyone any harm. I got fixated with everything i wasn't allowed as a child.

There is such a thing as bad food. High animal
fat high processing. Lard, White sugar, to name two.

Oh dear. Just seen this:
'YABU. Why biccies (yuck), the wee thing needs some meat... I know I'll have all furious vegans et al at my back for saying this, but IMnotsoHO, children should eat meat for various reasons, the least of all parent forcing his/hers dietary constrictions on a child; let them make the decision themselves.'

There are some genuine arguments against vegetarianism, but you've picked the stupidest one..
Um.. You feed a child, thus you HAVE to enforce some kind of dietary restriction on them. How on earth can they choose for themselves at 6 months?
After a certain age, the child should certainly be able to choose for themselves, but you are not forcing anything on a child by raising them vegetarian, in fact you are forcing LESS on them by not feeding them meat and fish.

What if a meat eating child becomes an animal rights activist and vegetarian? Haven't you forced them to eat meat in their baby years?

Plus the child doesn't 'need' meat. They need vitamins, minerals, fibre etc, all of which can be obtained through a vegetarian diet, so you're inaccurate there too.

Skyrg 100% correct.

i was deprived treats as a child and the minute I started having my own money I bought packets of biscuits and gorged on dognuts because I was never allowed them. I put on loads of weight because of it. I just wanted what I had never had. I now have a son and I will never deprive him of treats. I feed him healthy food but I usually give him 1 treat a day. No harm in it

*doughnuts that should be lol

As usual, I disagree with hairytriangles views. I think her views on food are unbalanced and damaging.
I think food is all about balance. Wholemeal pasta, steamed veg, fruit and veg. food in its natutal state is best. raw carrots are even better for you that cooked.
but alongside that, food is also pleasureable. I eat brie and pate simply because i like it. I eat crisps , chocolate and biscuits. I deny myself nothing.
hairytriangle makes contentious points, then backtracks and says that Damndog has some good balanced views, when she says a jammy dodger at a party can't hurt. then Harytriangle says that foods are good and bad, but that we have an obesity epidemic becasue most people refuse to admit this.
Then she disappears. Not returning to justify any of these unbalanced and bad good views

Hmmmm, Overall YANBU. DS didn't eat junk at 2, that is still a baby. I do think 2 is when I started to relax about treats a bit though.

Through having to in situations like birthday parties and nursery, I would never make a big fuss and make him eat differently at a party or embarrass someone who kindly made him food.

But he was nearer 5 before he had squash and actual "sweets". I still try and surreptitiously stop him getting too many additives and sweeteners into his chops.

I guess what I am trying to say I think with a PFB they are not going to miss what they haven't had so why not keep them super healthy for as possible without singling them out from their peers.

DS also didn't eat meat until he was 5 (not veggie as always had fish), then he wanted to try some, so he did. I am perfectly happy with that decision; now he loves roast dinners etc and chicken in most of its incarnations.

But is really not keen on the taste or gristly texture of nasty cheap "kids meat" and would much rather have the veggie alternative if its available.

"gorged on dognuts"

You sick bastard.

just kidding

The diet the op describes for this two year old sounds pretty optimal. It's really shocking to me that society's 'norm' of accepting highly processed, sugary food as 'treats' is so strong that we actually think it's a bad thing when a toddler is fed an extremely good diet without this highly processed element.

It's an alternative way of living - it's as valid as those of us (me included) who give in to the pressures of society and accept the crap as part of a diet. Yes it can be ok and can be balanced - but that does not mean that not accepting it is a bad thing, it's just different.

I know some say "oh they will go mad for junk when they're independent" possible, but then equally possible they will not - and you can't NOT do things in life just because something else might happen in the future.

sleeping, you seem to have missed the whole point. Have you only read the OP ? It wasn't just the list, it was the screaming, the 'bad' foods, the provsision of an alternative at a party.
Many people thought this was not balanced. We've gone way past, discussing whether sugar free under 2 is reasoable.

My god daughter has been brought up with a very strict diet - vegetarian, sugar free, organic etc etc.

She is now ten and when she has her own money she gorges on Pic n Mix, chips, Coke etc. I have actually seen her make herself sick one day at the cinema. When I take her out I am not as strict as her Mum but I have to watch very carefully what she buys because her system is just not used to it.

I hope it is just a phase that she will grow out of and 'the forbidden fruit' will lose its appeal.

"accept the crap as part of a diet". I think that sentence speaks volumes about how you view food.
CRAP. You see some foods as CRAP. Do you tell your children they are CRAP ?

We all know that not all food is as nutritionally good for you, as others.
What foods would you need to survice ? water and ??? what ? but we are not just talking survival here, are we. what about pleasure ?
trying to think of a really nutritionally exempt food that lots of people like ....... can't think of one.
why do you eat different foodstuffs ? becasue you enjoy variety ?
If you have a very limited diet of only .... then you must be deficiant in vitimins and minerals etc. but that is not what we are talking about here.
anyone ever eaten chocolate or brie or anything, just because they fancied it, or enjoyed the taste.
My nutritional needs are met, as far as I know. anything after that is purely for pleasure. no ?

Soem people view food as pleasureable. not just a necessity. I love food. Cooking. Eating. All foods. Strawberry picking. Michelin star. Pizza watching world cup.

Nothing wrong with my relationship with food. As far as I know. No one has ever said to me that there was.

My SIl used to be like this with her oldest child but she changed over the years, Mainly as she now has 4 children.

I've been reading many of these replies with interest and I can imagine alot of you would think that I feed my dd dreadfully.

I try to make her fresh home-made meals as often as possible (although been a bit lax recently due to morning sickness) and I make sure she eats fruit/veg every day, though we don't manage the 5 portions.

I must admit though I am not really that bothered if she has a few biscuits between meals in a day and at one point she was having ice cream as dessert after dinner most days (as it is her favourite). I have a fairly laid back attitude to food and yes dd does like the occasional McDonalds, although her favourite dinner is roast.

She is not overweight and her teeth are in good condition (mainly because she rarely drinks anything except water, her choice) and is generally a very healthy little girl. I must admit that when she was younger, I did restrict her diet alot more than I do now, but I no longer feel the need to do that.

My only taboos really are letting her have fizzy (she is allowed sips of mine on occasion or her own at parties) and I prefer her having oven chips etc as opposed to the take-away alternative. However, having read this thread fully, I seem to be pretty lax.

OP yanbu to feel a little concerned about your SIL's attitude to food as that is what will cause problems later on, I think she has set herself up for a very hard time. I am presuming when he is at school and invited to parties a bag of his own food will not go down well and he may be left uninvited in future, or he could well get picked on.

Also, as others said, having a healthy balanced view that ALL foods are good to eat (some frequently, others as a treat) is the best way to go. Food should be a pleasure, not a chore and complete restriction will only end up making the child unhappy.