to want to kidnap my 2 year old nephew and feed him biscuits?

[dilemma456]

My nephew (nearly 3) is a vegeterian - my SIL's choice and not one that my brother supports though he tolerates it.

He is also denied anything but organic vegetables, nuts or dairy products and only brown bread and not allowed cake, biscuits or anything processed. He is even stopped from eating anything but the food his mum brings him at birthday parties. Even when he goes to visit family she sends a packed meal or there is a list we can choose from

There are no health problems and my SIL is lovely apart from this obsessive behaviour over food.

AIBU to want to spirit him away to a table covered in crisps, chocolates and biscuits? I don't mind the vegeterian side of things but the rest is wearing.

Maybe not, hairytriangle, but their attitudes to food will be if you are telling them about "bad" foods and screaming in reaction to them.

I agree, screaming is going to damage a child's wellbeing. But the fact is, some foods are 'bad foods' and lots of people have a non-chalant attitude to that. We would not have an obesity epidemic if this was not the case.

"And the majority of people who have these views themselves are either anorexic, bulimic, or obese"

frankly, what a load of bollocks. What have you got to back that statement up?

(sigh)

I think some people are deliberately missing the points being made here.

No, the child won't be harmed by not eating ice cream. What a ridiculous suggestion.

But he will be harmed by witnessing his mother screaming at his young cousin that she is eating 'bad food'.

WTF is 'bad food' anyway?

It's eating an unbalanced diet which is 'bad'. Not a specific food. If a child ate a tub of icecream every day, yes, or course that wouldn't be balanced. A small dish of ice cream now and again, what the hell's wrong with that?

The mother sounds as though she's doing some really bad parenting tbh. I think it's appalling to scream at her niece like that, witnessed by her own upset child.

"a child's emotional wellbeing will not be harmed by not allowing a child to eat ice cream ffs"

Depends on context, Hairy.

It certainly wont do much for the relationship between parent and child as the child grows older in the sort of context I'm hearing being described by the OP. And it doesn't sound like a great way of introducing the universal truth that is nothing will truly harm you in moderation (except perhaps arsenic)

I of course support this mother's right to raise her child as she see's fit - bit if asked to give my opinion on whether she is "right" or not - which is what this forum is for, really - I'd say it wont harm him physically, but it might come to bite her in the bum at some point along the journey. Probably more so than if she allowed the occasional ice cream.

Yes hairy that's true but i would not do that to a DC at a party in front of everyone that is cruel IMO

I was going to post but DP came in with a piece of the cake he had just made so I ate that instead.

Chocolate cake. Made with white sugar. It was divine.

There are some fascinating points raised here.

Obviously I won't be force feeding DN biscuits but I do feel sorry for him sometimes when I see him reaching out for food other children are eating and being told its bad food and he can't have it.

Interestingly, SIL appears to eat all the foods denied to DN except meat as she is vegeterian.

Keto children Riven?

I'd stay well out of it if I were you. Her child, her choice etc etc.

However, your SIL does sound slightly bonkers. And bringing your own party food to a party is just bloody rude unless your child has allergies.

Yes children need fat. Good quality Ice cream is a reasonable way to provide some fat and calories, as is rice pudding and full fat yoghurt. Same with home made chips. All these foodstuffs are there to be enjoyed in moderation.

After having one child who didn't eat, my philosophy is that all food is there to be enjoyed.

And I can assure you that a few years down the line, neither my nine year old nor my seven year old have any fillings; they're both quite thin; and they like food. They liked the chicken their father roasted for lunch, they liked the cake they have just eaten, and they'll like the lentil and spinach soup they're getting for supper. (They will almost certainly like the organic wholemeal bread they are getting with it, but I'm not guaranteeing it.)

Riven there is a difference between putting a child on a diet for medical reasons and screaming at them whilst they cry for wanted a "bad food" though.

That must be tough to manage Riven. What do you typically feed her? I'd definately want you to send a list if I had her for tea. Sorry for my ignorance, I've never heard of a chid needing this type of diet before.

By the way for those wondering I've not said a word to my SIL or done anything to undermine her choices. HER mother on the other hand has apparantly been slipping fish into his diet at every opportunity

At toddler group I used to find it odd to find certain mothers cramming choc biscuits into their mouths at toddler group while the toddlers ate houmous and blueberries next door.

If a toddler came in the mothers would turn away or put the biscuit behind their backs as if mainlining heroin.

It's a very tough diet, dilemma, high fat, no carbs so the body 'burns its own fat',one of my children was on it, it's expensive and hard to manage, but necessary sometimes to reduce siezures.

It's a very different scenario from obsessing over food for a healthy child. Your SIL sounds bonkers, self obsessed and very unkind to your dd and her own ds.

semicolon I think that's kind of fair enough.

What we do to our bodies as adults is one thing (today I've been a total pig and eaten an excessive amount of fatty and sugary food), how we feed growing kids is another.

I just see so many obese, unhealthy parents with obese unhealthy children eating absolute crap, it's very sad.

I do agree with balance in all of this, I just think it's really off when people label mums who want to provide a very healthy diet for their children are criticized like this.

And no, I'd never provide a 'list' or my own food when my child was visiting others - but if my child was staying somewhere to eat, I may well explain that I'd rather my child was not offered certain foods (like, for example, mcdonalds food).

Riven and others with children on a similar diet I am so impressed you can manage it. It ust take real dedicaton from you to maintain a diet like that

Mind that a lot of biscuits, ice creams, yoghurts etc contain gelatin and other animal products ( ie lard )
But you SIL does seem OTT if there are no allergy/tolerance issues