to want to kidnap my 2 year old nephew and feed him biscuits?

[dilemma456]

My nephew (nearly 3) is a vegeterian - my SIL's choice and not one that my brother supports though he tolerates it.

He is also denied anything but organic vegetables, nuts or dairy products and only brown bread and not allowed cake, biscuits or anything processed. He is even stopped from eating anything but the food his mum brings him at birthday parties. Even when he goes to visit family she sends a packed meal or there is a list we can choose from

There are no health problems and my SIL is lovely apart from this obsessive behaviour over food.

AIBU to want to spirit him away to a table covered in crisps, chocolates and biscuits? I don't mind the vegeterian side of things but the rest is wearing.

I would find the list infuriating and ignore it, frankly. It's pretty insulting.

violethill just really referring to 99.9% of the parents I know (who are all pretty normal, and vary in incomes and attitudes). Most parents I know give their kids something that I would consider a 'treat' every day , more than once a day.

Well, she could make him treats using organic non 'offensive' stuff.

My ds is 4 and I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum - he's soooo fussy I'd be sooo happy if ate a beefburger.

It's up to the parents of course but I have alot of vegan friends who cook meat and dairy for their los.

My ds goes to parties with lots of party foods including sausages, sweets etc. I wish he'd partake as I think I diet of fruit, tomato, pasta and granary bread (ds's choice) isn't all that.

Ohh- but it's up to the parents and the child will get a bigger life in the next 3 years and I'm sure he will voice his opinions.

My ds is very healthy but I think it's constitution rather than what he eats.

yanbu. i support healthy eating but letting him go to parties but not eat the naughty food we only eat on special occasions is mean and will stigmatise him when he's older :-(

i dont want dd to eat junk but i dont deny her the pleasure of ice cream etc now and then. thats normal!!

Dilema, apologies for not being clear, it was you 'not minding' about the vegetarian bit that got me! Sounded like you disapproved but were going to allow it anyway.

Actually when I look after my nephew I'm very careful to stick to what his parents would be happy with, but this is sensible restrictions such as milk/water/smoothies rather than fizzy drinks, fruit for pudding rather than chocolate etc. They are quite happy to allow him to gobble chocolate biscuits/cake at parties and special occasions (although because he has a good attitude towards food, he'll usually go for the strawberries anyway).

So: I would find a list wearing, I just get a bit grumpy with objections to vegetarianism :)

I'm basing previous post on the fact that my nephew, nearly 5, does basically only eat crisps and chips, no fruit, no veg, no meat etc, yet when she visits and sees that I don't keep a regular stock of crisps and juice in the house, sees me as mean mummy! Who's child has the better diet here?

"skyrg are you sayig you would't find it wearing to be sent a list of what is acceptable for you to feed your nephew?(assuming as in this case there are no allergies etc.)"

Don't know about Skyrg, but I if I was looking after someone else's child, I'd expect some guidelines on what to feed them, according to what they are used to etc!

Whenever I've had, eg: my neices over, I've asked their Mum abouty any likes/dislikes, recent 'fads' etc!

Limited foods like that, she is going to give him a seriously damaging attitude to food for the rest of his life; he will either always look at the majority of foods as bad and worrying, or he will rebel against his mother regime and binge on saturated fats at every opportunity. She is drilling extreme feelings into him and that is not good.

Have you spoken to your brother about it?

Guidelines, yes. If there are specific foods the child hates, yes. Of course you need to know that.

A list or approved foods? Insulting.

Is there a healthy attitude to food? most people are not healthy, three quarters of the food in supermkts is SHxx. I'm thinking hydrog. fats etc. only the manufacturers do well out of it. OP YABU

violethill I don't think a list of apprved food is insulting at all. I think it's fine to only want to feed healthy stuff to your child.

The health benefits are very clearly backed up by research.

I'm not objecting to him being a vegeterian which is why i say I don't mind.

DD normally eats fruit, veg, meat, fish bread, yogurt, rice, pasta etc. but is also allowed some biscuits, crisps, ice cream etc. from time to time - eg parties, treats. Her favourite meal is prawns, tomatos, olives annd pasta.

She had an ice cream recently and SIL and DN turned up unexpected and the poor little lad cried and cried beccause he couldn't have an ice cream as well. DD kept trying to share hers and SIL screamed at her to keep her food to herself as DN isn't allowed bad food.

As for what sort of biscuits I think a plate of pink wafers, jaffa cakes and jammie dodgers wouldn't go amiss

Poor child, banning things only makes them more appealing.

I went to a party where a little one was not allowed treats and spent the night watching her smuggling the sweets out of others party bags and hiding in the corner eating them.

I think we all give our kids attitudes to food. We regularly go to see mil in her country - the kids in her place eat pizza, pasta (with chips) and fizzy drinks. They often havce this for breakfast.

My ds was at mils for two weeks eating only this with no fruit and no vegetables or water in the summer - he came back fat. It took a few weeks of my sort of diet and lots of activity to get him back to his normal self.

We all impose our dietary wishes on our kids.

He'd probably be totally freaked out by your "table covered in crisps, chocolates and biscuits".

He wont miss what he doesnt know.

YANBU

My sister recently boasted that her DCs have never been to McDonalds. I'm now fantasising about taking them

Dilemma don't forget the party rings!

I'm quite gobsmacked by the people saying 'poor child' as if limiting fatty, sugary foods is some kind of neglect or abuse!

The boy crying because he wasn't allowed an ice cream, and his mother screaming at the OPs dd that it's a 'bad food' is appalling and shows a terribly unhealthy relationship with food.

It's odd that some people are praising the mother for being caring enough to feed him such a good diet, when her caring doesn't seem to embrace his emotional wellbeing.

Ooooooh are YABU or not ...? I can't decide!

I'm a bit of a food militant (when it comes to DS - I would eat cake until my imminent dying day if I thought I could get away with it). At home he gets mostly wholegrains, loads of raw/fresh fruit and veg and very little by way of convenience or "ready" meals. This balances DP, who gives "treats" (eg biscuits/icecreams/crisps/chips) most days if in charge of food. I wouldn't mind but neither DP or I are slim and I think it's important we try to feed DS what a "normal" diet ought to be.

However, if he was at a party or out for a day trip or any sort of special occasion I would never dream of only allowing him certain foods or sending my own with him. It wouldn't cross my mind - how on earth is it going to harm him having some sausages and jammy dodgers once in a while - that's the fun of parties, surely?

It's very, very hard to balance a healthy diet without giving higher value to unhealthy foods. All you can do is offer a range of healthy foods and accept that early in life kids will be responsible for their own choices. I really don't think withholding treat foods in a social situation helps them prepare for this one bit.

'She had an ice cream recently and SIL and DN turned up unexpected and the poor little lad cried and cried beccause he couldn't have an ice cream as well. DD kept trying to share hers and SIL screamed at her to keep her food to herself as DN isn't allowed bad food.'

Jeezlouise, the woman's a nutter.

And it's really going to do a lot for his friendships later if he continues along these lines, I have to add. I find it hard enough feeding fussy children. If one of them was sent along with his/her own tea, they wouldn't be invited back.

Sorry, but ice cream is 'bad food' it's full of fat!

a child's emotional wellbeing will not be harmed by not allowing a child to eat ice cream ffs!

ThatDamnDog you make some good, balanced points.

Maybe not, hairytriangle, but their attitudes to food will be if you are telling them about "bad" foods and screaming in reaction to them.

And the majority of people who have these views themselves are either anorexic, bulimic, or obese.

SMALL CHILDREN NEED FAT.

And ice creams vary hugely: some are full of vile additives, some are yes - gasp shock horror - cream, eggs and - gasp shock horror - sugar. Which a small amount of from time to time is not going to kill you.

A child's emotional well-being is going to be harmed by screaming about 'bad food'. And yes, many people in the UK eat a fairly shite diet; which in fact makes it even more important to give kids some way of negotiating their way through it. I don't think that simply saying 'you cannot eat what 90 per cent of the people around you are eating' is the way to do it.

Hairytriangle, I think it's more the way she dealt with it..

The fact that she was screaming at the poor girl for trying to share, something that most parents encourage, isn't a good sign. Also calling it 'bad food' isn't necessarily going to help the boy, far better to say 'we don't want you to eat that because its high in fat which is bad for you'. At least then he learns something and doesn't learn to fear food. Or the 'that's only for bigger children' would have done!