to want to kidnap my 2 year old nephew and feed him biscuits?

[dilemma456]

My nephew (nearly 3) is a vegeterian - my SIL's choice and not one that my brother supports though he tolerates it.

He is also denied anything but organic vegetables, nuts or dairy products and only brown bread and not allowed cake, biscuits or anything processed. He is even stopped from eating anything but the food his mum brings him at birthday parties. Even when he goes to visit family she sends a packed meal or there is a list we can choose from

There are no health problems and my SIL is lovely apart from this obsessive behaviour over food.

AIBU to want to spirit him away to a table covered in crisps, chocolates and biscuits? I don't mind the vegeterian side of things but the rest is wearing.

I used to feel like screaming: " it's only a chocolate biscuit not Semtex!" at them.

I feed my kids a healthy diet. I do not hide chocolate biscuits from them.

So your brother supports the vegetarianism. Have you spoken to him about the rest?

It is utter bollocks to say that a child who doesn't have junk food and sweets will go mad when they are offered them. Mine have been brought up with a diet of fruit and veg and home made cakes and when they have ice cream or any sweets at a party they have a couple and then stop.

My ds [asd][4 at the time] can't have certain foods and sil knew this however when her dd had a party and I had to work she said he'd be fine i'll make sure he's ok. when I picked him up she told me how he'd been extremely agressive and her partner had smacked him for kicking him [I was furious] turned out she'd given him everything he wasn't allowed despite dd2 [3 at the time] telling her no he can't have that only to be told not to tell mummy as it wont hurt him it took days for him to calm down.

That must be very difficult to manage Riven but Its a very different to a restricted diet to a child with no medical need for such a diet.

What concerns me about this is the way dilemma's sil was screaming at dilemmas dd for eating bad food. IMO feeding a child mainly fruit and vegetables is good and I agree that lots of processed food is bad. However I cannot see the problem with the occasional bowl of ice cream or slice of home made cake in a diet otherwise full of very healthy choices.

Now too scared to say what I fed dd last night for fear of a flaming.

If the issue is about respecting other parents choices about what to feed their children, then frankly, the SIL isn't doing that is she? To scream at the OPs dd because she was eating icecream, and to say it's a 'bad food' is a blatant lack of respect for the OP, and her decision to allow her child some ice cream.

The OP doesn't, I assume, walk into the SIL's house unexpectedly and start screaming at her ds about the food he's eating.

That, I feel, is the crux of the issue. Not the actual foods. The obsessive, controlling behaviour, and the SILs total disregard for parents who do things differently.

Fair comments, but I thought she was screaming at the neice because the neice was trying to give it to the nephew? not screaming at the necie because she was eating ice cream

Screaming was wrong, no matter what the reason, but I read it that she was not veto'ing the neice's ice-cream eating.

Tbh I wouldn't give an ice cream to my DD unless the other children she was with were allowed one too cos I think that would be a bit mean and I certainly wouldn't allow her to share it with someone if their mother had said no.
OP you may think your SIL is too strict but she may think you are too lax in what you feed your kids. We are all different.

If you read the post, the OP says the boy and his parents turned up unexpectedly. She wasn't awarding one child an ice cream in front of the other.

We are indeed all different. Some of us, like the OP's SIL are a bit errr orthorexic, I sort of reckon.

I do wonder how long she'll keep it up for..

He will soon be spending his dinner money on red bull and mars bars ..you can't control their diet for ever

The minute that child gets any freedom he will gorge himself on junk!
My 'friend' brought her 2 up eating nothing but organic lentils (I am exaggerating but YKWIM) and she left them at a party (5 & 6 yrs) with their stupid little packed lunches and they went BONKERS! They ate so much sugary, salty food they were literally bouncing off the walls!
Give the child a kit kat!

Utter nonsense.

When will people realise that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOOD AND BAD FOOD.

It is getting the right balance, not banning certain foods entirely.

I also think it is very easy to become fixated on feeding/food as the main area of parenting, certainly when the children are small; it is (at that stage) something you can control, and in doing so you feel you can stave off Bad Things happening to your children.

How about making him some homemade biscuits with organic vegetarian ingredients. Much nicer than bought.

I think the fact that the SIL's child was crying and asking for ice cream proves the point that this scheme is backfiring already.

Some people have said he can't miss what he's never had. Clearly he DOES feel he's missing something.

Perhaps if his mother didn't attach ridiculous 'good' and 'bad' labels to food, but just concentrated on giving him a healthy diet without the stigma she's attaching, then maybe he wouldn't freak out at the sight of his cousin eating an ice cream.

YABU!

He's 2. He doesn't know what biscuits are! He'll hopefully never develop a taste for them!

Btw there are bad foods. Most "bad" foods have fuck all actual food in them. Maybe don't call a homemade chocolate cake bad, but dont tell me some of the supermarket crap isnt bad. Its full of chemicals and pure rubbish.

There is absolutely no nutritional NEED whatsoever for kids to have sweets as part of their diet.
To say that refusing junk will give the child disordered eating is massively oversimplifying the issue. I think their are far more damaging issues you can create with food such as giving food as rewards, insisting children clear their plate etc.
I have friends who think my DD is deprived cos she snacks on carrot sticks etc when we are out (BTW I do let my kids have the odd treat every now and again). I personally think it is the kids who snack on crisps and sweets daily who are being deprived of good health!

bumder, your friends are crazy. My mum used to put carrot sticks in my lunchbox, and even now I'd probably choose those over something fatty!

You can like carrots sticks and crisps