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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent getting grief because I work in a private school?

266 replies

fuschiagroan · 05/09/2010 12:48

OK, realise that people may say I am being totally unreasonable.

Just about to start my first teaching job. It's in a private school. At a dinner party the other night, my friend (well, I've known her a long time but we're not that close) was making lots of digging little comments about the fact it was a private school. Other people were asking genuine questions about the job/school, not being snarky at all, like 'So what are class sizes like?'. When I answered, e.g. 'It's fifteen to a class at most' this friend went 'God!', wrinkling her nose, as though I'd just said they had a school society for strangling baby bunnies or something. She also made comments about 'privilege' and 'unfair' etc.

OK, I know of course that it is a very privileged environment, and the kids are incredibly lucky. But why does that make me a bad person for working there? If a job had come up in a good state school I would have been just as happy teaching there, but this was the school that offered me a job.

I just think, ffs, I'm not an arms dealer. There's really no need for her to criticise my choice of workplace just because it doesn't fit in with her faux-socialism.

By the way, she got her kid into a great state school by moving into the (expensive property) catchment area - not exactly something possible for all!

OP posts:
Quenbioz · 05/09/2010 17:57

I agree PYT.

"Um, what about people who can't afford a private education for their child, no matter how many sacrifices they make?"

DinahRod · 05/09/2010 17:59

Congrats on getting your job, teaching is a fab career.

YANBU. The friend is a hypocrite. I would have said something, especially since she has 'bought' her child's education too by virtue of being able move catchment.

Both dh and I teach in state schools but have no axe to grind.

Tootlesmummy · 05/09/2010 18:00

I don't have a big house to sell, far from it and I have not once stated that I think those that sacrifice to allow their children to have a private education are better than anyone else, again it is my choice.

I have worked hard and may have the option to send my children to a private school something I would not be ashamed of or think I'm better than anyone else.

Get rid of the chip on your shoulder, you spend your money on what you want and I will do the same.

duckyfuzz · 05/09/2010 18:03

Congrats on the job OP

My only problem with it would be the amount of tax payers' money spent on training you, intended to provide teachers for state schools, but this may not apply...

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/09/2010 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PYT · 05/09/2010 18:04

Um, I have no chip on my shoulder.

But as a socialist, I disagree with your stance@Tootlesmummy. I don't actually agree that we should all be left to do what we 'want' (e.g can afford).

I wouldnt raise it at a dinner party with friends, though Grin. Politics and religion etc...

Caoimhe · 05/09/2010 18:07

Lots of people who can't afford private education still use it - that's what bursaries are for!!

Quenbioz · 05/09/2010 18:10

Hear hear, StarlightMcKenzie. Should excellent education really only be for those children whose parents can afford it?

"There are many many people who work hard, and some probably harder, that cannot send their children to a private school and it winds me up that you and others use this justification as some kind of sense of entitlement."

Quenbioz · 05/09/2010 18:11

And what percentage of all schoolchildren will be fortunate enough to receive a bursary to a private school, Caoimhe?

"that's what bursaries are for"

MmeBlueberry · 05/09/2010 18:14

Being in a position to send your children to private schools is only slightly dependent on luck. There are far surer ways to make this happen.

Studying hard yourself and doing a degree that leads to a good job straightaway is a start. It is amazing how many people do mickey mouse degrees (badly) and then whinge that they can't afford this or that.

I did an engineering degree and based on my Facebook contacts 25 years on, everyone in my class that I know of is educating their children privately (the majority were state school educated themselves). They don't have socialist hang-ups, just earned money and particular values. It's not an accident of birth or anything else.

Caoimhe · 05/09/2010 18:15

At the local school around 50% of the children receive financial assistance.

PYT · 05/09/2010 18:18

Yeh, if you do 'mickey mouse' Media Studies at uni you deserve for your kids to go to the local shitty state school! Hmm

Social class and all those other social and economic indicators mean nothing, obviously....

MmeBlueberry · 05/09/2010 18:20

The amount of bursaries is never known. It is as secret as Fort Knox.

You can figure out scholarships, sibling discounts and teacher remission, and one or two headline bursaries, but you can never know the full extent.

If a class is not full, then it is no hardship on the school to give a generous bursary for that child. It only costs a few exercise books, not teacher salary which is the biggest cost. Obviously, once you let a child in on sub-fee basis, you have to keep them till the end of the key stage and you would not want to jeopardise future full-fee places.

We watch every penny at our school and every new pupil is one step closer to getting our roof fixed.

huddspur · 05/09/2010 18:21

In my experience of people who oppose private schools is that they are generally just jealous that they did not go to private school and they can't afford to send their children to them either.
I didn't go to private school and unless I win the lottery I probably won't be able to send dd to one when she is old enough but that does not mean that I think they are a bad thing. Anyone would have admit that privately educated people are generally more academically able people due to the superior levels of teaching and resources that private schools can afford due to extra funds and reduced bureaucracy.

MmeBlueberry · 05/09/2010 18:23

Not sure what your point is, PYT. It is not a case of deserving, but perhaps one of not expecting.

If you feel strongly about it, don't do medya - do engineering instead, and start on £30k+ with your local bluechip. Find a spouse doing the same, and it is only a few years before the patter of tiny feet and a few more until school fees are due and within your capabilities.

Tortington · 05/09/2010 18:25

yes hoddspur, but i think people are generally arguing the morality of having a system where children can only be allowed the excellent teaching, investment and resources you talk about, if their parents can afford to do so.

Tortington · 05/09/2010 18:26

bully for you blueberry, but i couldn't do engineering if my bloody life depended on it. you sound like xenia

huddspur · 05/09/2010 18:30

Custardo whats wrong in parents choosing to pay extra (on top of their taxes) to give their children a better chance in life by sending them to a private school. The better educated a person is then the greater contribution that person can make to the economy and as a result society as a whole.
Also if private schools were outlawwed or made punitively taxed then we'd see more children in the state sector and all though any tax may provide a bit more funding, I think you would state schools resources being stretched even thinner.

PYT · 05/09/2010 18:33

The assumptions you make are many and astounding. I haven't got the energy to refute your position point by point tonight, tbh, but in a nutshell: life doesn't work like that.

Tootlesmummy · 05/09/2010 18:34

Custardo, I agree completely that everyone should be entitled to a great education and that we shouldn't have to pay for a private education but a great education is not guaranteed at all state schools for one reason or another. Therefore if people can afford it, they should be able to do so.
I say the same about private health, there shouldn't be the need for this but again the NHS is like a lottery.

Until the solve these issues then people will still send their children to private schools.

P.S I didn't go to Uni or have lots of qualifications when I left school at 16, so you don't have to have a degree either.

happiestblonde · 05/09/2010 18:35

mmeBlueberry I agree wholeheartedly with most/all you are saying.

It is a lifestyle choice in the sense that you make significant sacrifices and choose a career that will enable you to give your children the best start in life possible. I recently turned down a job I would have liked for a city job where I know I will go fucking mental be under a lot of pressure because I want to be able to put money away for school fees. This is a choice I've made and I should not have to pay more tax over and above the high levels of tax such a job will lead to, just because I want to use private education.

ALso hugely agree that money is better put into the private sector if you want success and progress rather than inefficient monopolies.

Quenbioz · 05/09/2010 18:45

Caoimhe, I wasn't asking how what percentage of private school pupils receive financial assistance. I'd like to know out of all schoolchildren in the UK whose parents can't afford school fees, what percentage of them could/do private schools give a place to? If this percentage is as tiny as I suspect, then I would disagree that "lots of people who can't afford private education still use it - that's what bursaries are for".

Quenbioz · 05/09/2010 18:49

So people who have trained to be a nurse or charity worker or other lower-paid but hard-working jobs don't "deserve" to send their children to private school because they haven't put money first in their life choices? Shock

MmeBlueberry · 05/09/2010 18:52

It's not 'bully for me', Custardo, but more a case of 'you reap what you sow'.

Engineering is just my personal example. There are other pathways to milkround success. But you need to be strategic.

I know that when I was choosing career options (back in the late 70s/early 80s), looking at salary potential was one of the factors. Fast forward to now, and my DS who is just entering university made the same considerations.

Don't expect to be able to afford something if you never planned for it in the first place. Then it is down to good luck and nothing else.

happiestblonde · 05/09/2010 18:55

There is no 'deserve' with private education - it's a choice about whether that is your priority or your other chosen career. I don't think people should be criticised either way.

Bursaries - my private school had 80 people tops in a year and while I don't know about bursaries it certainly had 2 full and 2 half scholarships for the brightest applicants who couldn't afford the fees and then one for music and one for sport per year - out of a year of 80 that is a fair few comparatively...