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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Judgey Pants Strike Again: Mum ^and^ Dad knocking back wine in Pub with 9 months old asleep in Buggy

119 replies

QueenSconetta · 05/09/2010 09:05

Judgey Pants strike again but both Parents knocking back a bottle+ of wine in the pub and about 8.30 at night with their 9 mo ish old DS asleep in stroller buggy?

Brave... I wouldn't fancy that head at 6am the next morning when he wakes up and wants to play!

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 05/09/2010 09:57

YABU

prozacfairy · 05/09/2010 09:59

I reckon the terrible drunken mummy came over to have a- hic! -chat was because she saw OP make cats bum face at her and it ruined her evening. I would have had words too if some random stranger started blatantly making judgements about my parenting. Hmm

Actually I have had words with a few.

ZacharyQuack · 05/09/2010 09:59

Did you know these people? They came over to talk to you and you know the baby was 9mo.

If I had seen them I would have put on my jealous-pants. I wish I had had the brains to take advantage of the 'too wee to keep themselves awake' stage and spent a few evenings with DH at the pub.

YunoYurbubson · 05/09/2010 10:01

Rubbish thing to get judgy about.

Original poster
QueenSconetta · 05/09/2010 10:03

Regarding additional details not in original post, I try to usually give bare facts so as not write war and peace and bore everyone from the off. Details (accurate, no point in otherwise) added later if relavent.

Was out with group of other Mums as one is moving away, we vaugely know this girl from baby groups etc which is why she spoke. FWIW she wouldn't normally speak to us.

Regarding 'sacrificing yourself on the altar of Motherhood' I am between 2 stools with that. I agree that it doesn't have to be all about the baby all the time to the extent that the Mother becomes a total non person, but I do think you do have to make some sacrifices. IMO if you think your life will carry on as before but with a baby in tow you're probably kidding yourself. What those sacrifices are diffe from person to person I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenSconetta · 05/09/2010 10:04

Lol, Colditz YABRight probably, x. Grin

OP posts:
ProfYaffle · 05/09/2010 10:06

Blimey, we're at the pub with our dc all the time! I took the dds there for tea on Friday as dh was out. We sat on the sun terrace, they watched the ducks and ate ice cream, I had 2 pints - was fab.

My plan this week is to make the most of September sun, we'll go to the pub on the green where we'll have a pint and fish and chips for tea on the picnic benches while the dc play on the park.

I highly recommend it Smile

ScroobiousPip · 05/09/2010 10:06

YABU - unless you thought they had both been drinking and were about to drive home, in which case YANBU.

If it was just their local and they were walking home afterwards, I'd be Envy tbh - can't remember being that awake/organised when my DS was 9mo.

ChippingIn · 05/09/2010 10:08

TLE tut tut tut tut tut - don't you know that now you are a Mumeeeee you aren't allowed to go out and have fun anymore...Hmm

QS - what did she say? 'Wind your neck in?' by any chance?

Bloodymary · 05/09/2010 10:10

I am afraid that I see nothing at all wrong with sharing a bottle of wine with a friend in a pub complete with sleeping baby, I did it quite often.
In fact I shall be doing it again today even tho little girl is now 5, there will also be plenty of other children to play with.
Tho obviously we choose the pub/venue csrefully.

PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 10:10

who is to say they shared the bottle equally either? maybe one had 3 glasses the other 1 (most people drink 175ml glasses these days which is just over 4 glasses.

colditz · 05/09/2010 10:14

I did used to go out and have a few glasses of wine with a meal when Ds1 was tiny. I didn't carry on as I had been prebaby, because that would have meant taking him to all night raves and dancing all night!

Claw3 · 05/09/2010 10:16

Perhaps the dad who wasnt a bit slurry or swaying would be taking care of the baby.

Perhaps they did have a babysitter for the night and were dropping the baby there when they left.

Asterias · 05/09/2010 10:22

Maybe it is BU but I think I'd judge too. However much they've changed since the smoking ban I still don't think pubs are really appropriate places for kids in the evening. I also don't drink in charge of the baby. At 9 months I'd only just finished breastfeeding so had had one glass of wine on my 30th birthday since before getting pregnant. Probably it's more about me though, my parents never went to pubs and my mum doesn't drink at all and dad rarely did until a few years ago when my mum decided he was to old to become an alcoholic! I don't my any means feel parents should give themselves up entirely for their offspring but my attitudes towards drinking are more strict than I think are those of the people who've responded to the thread.

Triggles · 05/09/2010 10:22

so the scenario is a group of Mums out having a drink, criticising another Mum for being out having a drink? Hmm Were you all discussing her? or was this your own private little judging session? (as sometimes judgey Mums often travel in packs in these type of situations)

a bit of AIBU by drip feed as well, me thinks

And I note no more comment on the condition the father was in...

Thing is, you have no idea if they had a huge meal immediately prior to being there, or who had how many glasses of wine (unless you were particularly sad and actually counted!) - perhaps it was the Mum's night to have a bit more and her DH only had a glass or two. My DH & I have done that.

YABU.

zukiecat · 05/09/2010 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

porcamiseria · 05/09/2010 18:09

yab vvvvvvvv u

shut up

Heracles · 05/09/2010 18:09

Extreme and horseshit.

As the concensus appears to say, as long as they didn't drive home where's the harm? A bottle between them? Blimey, you're a fragile bloom if that gets you pissed...

Morloth · 05/09/2010 18:13

Two adults had some wine.

We shared a bottle of wine last night and we have 2 children (twice as bad?) and I am breastfeeding.

Someone call SS.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 05/09/2010 18:20

god I'm 4 times as bad then morloth

not that I can drink 2 bottles now that would be impressive Grin

costacoffee · 05/09/2010 18:20

They shared a bottle of wine!,big deal so that makes them bad parents then?, did they give some to the baby? no I doubt it,yabu and should mind your own business.

womblingfree · 05/09/2010 18:27

Hope you weren't in my local on Friday afternoon. My friend and I share the school run but were both picking up so took the dc's straight to the nearest beer garden and sat out in the sun with a bottle of wine til tea time. Was a v. nice way to start the new term Grin

onepieceoflollipop · 05/09/2010 18:29

This thread could be about me. :)

Dh and I often go to our local pub; in fact we took dd1 on her first birthday to celebrate. She had a couple of chips and we sat in the non-smoking area (pre-smoking ban)

As someone else said YABJealous.

However you do seem to be taking our responses with good grace so perhaps on occasion you are reasonable just not on this occasion. :)

ChippingIn · 05/09/2010 18:48

zukiecat - yes it is extreme and possibly something you should look at discussing with a professional.

Morloth · 05/09/2010 18:50

You should never give wine to a baby.

Splitting a bottle three ways sucks, there is just the right amount in a bottle for two people I find.