to think I've done enough and she should get over this?

[sarahhuggersack]

Name change.

Good friend who I've known 15 years. Never a cross word between us and I've done a lot for her when times haven't been great.

Made a thoughtless comment to her a couple of months back. Realised straight away that I'd upset her so dropped a card in next day to say how much I valued our friendship and hoped she would forgive me for being so thoughtless. Also apologised to her next time I saw her, although she was obviously sulking.

Been away most of the summer and thought she would have got over it by now. Couldn't believe it when I saw her in town this week and she completely ignored me when I said hello. Spoke to her DP today who talked to her. Apparently she will stop sulking "when I've apologised properly".

AIBU to think that this is just control freakery on her part, tell her that I have already apologised and say WTF do you expect me to do? Or do I send another card? She won't answer the phone to me and ignored a couple of texts I sent while I was away.

You have done nothing wrong and what you said was fine. She has taken huge offence at what you said and needs to grow up.

I think you were right in your comment but it is never easy to have your parenting criticised. You have made the effort to apologise and I suppose it depends how important the friendship is as to how far to go to get it back.

I think you gave her some bloody good advice. She is being childish. I wouldn't bother apologising again.

Do you think she realises you were right and is ashamed?

Maybe this goes deeper then that one comment, maybe she senses your judging her at other times?

TBH you don;t sound sorry for the comment you made, you still think she was wrong to shout as she did - (and yes she was probably wrong) - and your lack of sorriness came across in the card, even though it was supposed to be an apology?

That doesn't sound like a terrible thing to say, and if you've apologised for it twice already, I'd probably leave it at that. I don't think, if it was me, that I could honestly promise never to do it again, which is about the only thing I can think of adding to an apology to strengthen it.

Yikes, Ive said this sort of thing to friends, and have had similar back! Never had a falling out over it though :( YANBU!

I thinkit is impossible to tell really

I cut a friend when she said one thing. But it was after literally months of her making snide comments and rolling her eyes and doing catsbumface.

She could probably write your Op. But what she said was not why I don't want to see her.I did not suddenly react to one comment. It was because that last comment proved to me she was endlessly , sanctemoniuosly judging me and was actually no friend to me at all.
And I suspect she still thinks I just over reacted to one little thing.

( I wouldn't have changed my mind after any kind of apology FWIW. She meant everything she said and only tried to back track because I called her on it.
But equally I never asked her to apologise and told her I didn't wantto see her as she clearly liked being a smart arse more than she liked being my friend )

She´s overreacting, but are you surprised?

I honestly think that it would take me a while to get over being criticised like that, no matter how well intentioned.

You have nothing to apologise for - good friends should be able to point out the bleeding obvious when necessary. She just doesn't sound like a very nice person - I'd leave it, move on and maybe she'll get a grip.

Well, you have aologise, but she clearly knows that you believe what you said, and so have criticisms about her parenting. It would be good if she could graciously accept your apology, but then there is something in your tone (sarcastic refs to sackcloth, rather scathing indignation that she hasn't accepted you apology etc) that makes me think that your attitude is coming through too.

A real deep heartfelt apology on your behalf would include knowing how badly you had upset her, and then being sad that she was still upset and you taking responsibility for it - not turning round back at her and slagging her off.

I've spoken out of turn before, and am really grateful that my friends have accepted my apology - it isn't my RIGHT to have my apology accepted.

Also, wouldn´t a friend be trying to find out why they "fly off the handle" like that, rather than an out & out criticism.

And if that is what you said verbatim, it is so patronising I think I would be approaching apoplexic.

Good friends should be able to ask for a parenting opinion and accept and give honest constructive critism - but the key is 'when asked'

I think friends can say those sort of things to each other without it causing a great rift. What you said was a valid comment. She didn't like it -you apologised twice for upsetting her.

I would now leave it up to her, if she wants to revive your friendship you are there, but if you have to keep on and on apologising for this incident, then it wont be much of a friendship because you'll be forever treading on eggshells round her.

Face to face is the best way to give a sincere apology. A card or text comes across disingenuous,

Fuck me, was that it?! Sounds like you hit a nerve rather than actually did anything horrible. Try once more to apologise (though tbh what you said was actually helpful, even if it was a little bit not your business perhaps), then you might have to write this friendship off. This should've been over with a single "sorry". Your friend sounds unbelievably childish.

Agree with diddl and thesecondcoming - we are hearing a very one sided version of events but even so, it is clear the op is not sorry and that the comment was patronising.

YABU and don't sound in the least bit apologetic - and she's probably well aware of that. It's not up to you to tell her when she should be over it - whatever your intentions and motivations, you've cause a lot of upset to someone you supposedly care about and it's up to you to make it right.

Oops, I've just seen what it was you said to your friend. You challenged her for flying off the handle with her DD !!

I think apologising is the WRONG response tbh, you both need to sit down and have a frank conversation. She's obviously not used to being challenged when she's out of order.

and - at the risk of beating the op over the head - you talk about her sulking which is not a desperately generous way to contemplate the idea that she may genuinely be upset.

Pagwatch - what's wrong with the friend being upset?

What about the humiliated feelings of her kid who she shouted at, in front other people, and for no good reason.

I don't think the comment you made was thoughtless at all - it seems an entirely thoughtful comment to me - and you balanced the criticism (it doesn't work when you do x) with praise (but when you do y she responds beautifully).

You dropped a card round to say sorry. Personally the only thing I feel you should have said sorry for was upsetting her, not for what you actually said.

The longer this drags on the more 'entrenched' you both will become (in your opinions that the other is acting unreasonably), and it will be much more difficult for things to ever be right/relaxed between you.

I think I would try to arrange a time to chat in person with her (without dc), so you can sort this out and hopefully start afresh. You can apologise 'properly', and if she needs to say anything to you, there will be an opportunity to do so.