To stab DH through the eye with a screwdriver, dismember his body in the bath...

[AgentZigzag]

...with a meat cleaver, cut the dismembered bits into smaller more manageable pieces using a kitchen devil, put these pieces into plastic bags (preferably waitrose/M & S) and secrete the bags in various locations around our wider geographic area?

Then tell anyone who enquires he's 'visiting relatives overseas'.

The bathroom would be a bugger to clean up, but that's OK, I'm used to hard work.

you didn't!

Depends on what he has done. If he has left the loo seat up again then I say go for it!

Did he forget your anniversary?

What's he done?

Ooh what did he do?

put some kind of plastic sheeting down in the bathroom first!

could you feed the parts to the dig?
that would be easier to hide and less chance of being discovered...

obviously i meant dog

blend the pieces up and chuck resulting mush in a river. dna could still be identifiable from dog poo and then tied back to you

I'd use a knife to cut away the flesh around the bone, then use the cleaver.

Oh wait hang on...

your thread title is offensive I have reported it...

has he done something or are you just feeling some PMS rage directed towards him?

you'll have to grind the bones into a powder.
you could use them to make jellies for your children - DNA won't be traceable, because the DCs will have the same DNA...

Oh, should I wait til he's done something?

Great advice nancy, nickel and narky, obviously a more popular hobby than google makes it out to be.

you don't have to wait until he's done something.
this is pre-emptive training

ahh, thats a good one nickelbabe!! :)

hehe nickel, you've been thinking about this when you've been doing your housework haven't you??

never hurts to have a plan, just in case......

It's good to have a plan.

I heard you can make glue out of bones. We're always running out of glue for dcs craft projects.

Or bread if they're ground down like nickel says.

It's salt water to get blood out of carpets isn't it?

We've got flooboards in the bathroom but it's carpeted just outside, so in case of any blood splatter really.

what's housework?

I spend all of my time in the shop - DH does all the housework. apart from hoovering, but that's because i hate the cat hairs.

You really need to cover the whole room in plastic sheeting stuck down with tape. Don't forget the ceiling in case of spurting :)

ahh, glue's even better - because noone would think to look in the gluepot!

shut the bathroom doorwhen you do it, save any cleaning on the landing.

Is there no way you could arrange for a fatal 'accident' when he's at work?

That's my plan. No cleaning and the mortgage would be paid off and a lump sum for me.

YABU

Still using plastic bags