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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stab DH through the eye with a screwdriver, dismember his body in the bath...

99 replies

AgentZigzag · 04/09/2010 15:35

...with a meat cleaver, cut the dismembered bits into smaller more manageable pieces using a kitchen devil, put these pieces into plastic bags (preferably waitrose/M & S) and secrete the bags in various locations around our wider geographic area?

Then tell anyone who enquires he's 'visiting relatives overseas'.

The bathroom would be a bugger to clean up, but that's OK, I'm used to hard work.

OP posts:
vole3 · 04/09/2010 20:16

Ever seen the film 'Fried Green Tomatoes'?

Barbecue sounds good and the guests do the disposal for you :)

PeggysEvilTwin · 04/09/2010 20:17

Bugger me, Agentzigzag!! I thought you were dead nice last night.. It seems I was wrong.

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 04/09/2010 20:35

Right, he's done something now.

Philips or flathead screwdriver? Possibly the philips for its sharpness, I don't want him to suffer too much.

On the plastic bags front, I'm of the thinking that his environmental impact will be lessened if he's not using up valuable resources by living?

I'm sorry you feel that way Pegs, but I am nice really, dead nice

OP posts:
bumder · 04/09/2010 20:36

Ah I see. When someone else posted a light hearted thread about being violent to their other half it wasn't funny but a light hearted thread about that thread with an even more violent title is absolutely hilarious Confused.

tethersend · 04/09/2010 20:53

Hmm. It depends.

Do you have an enamel or plastic bath?

Enamel will stain horribly, so YABU. On the other hand, if it's plastic I fail to see a problem. That black domestos is pretty good, but you couldn't use it on an enamel bath. That would be criminal.

SixtyFootDoll · 04/09/2010 20:54

Nice

FlyMeToDunoon · 04/09/2010 21:00

Remeber to clean up with bleach afterwards as that confuses the blood detecting agent.
[CSI Geek]

LastOrdersAgain · 04/09/2010 21:01

I had enough trouble just coming up with a Zombie Plan...

cheaphawaiian · 04/09/2010 21:04

Have you practised your 'grieving widow' face?

Of course this won't help if you end up being investigated by The Mentalist.

ApocalypseFlangePop · 04/09/2010 21:10

use a butterknife, drag out the slooooowwwwww torture Grin

FairyLightsForever · 04/09/2010 21:11

You need some pigs to feed his remains to.

LongtimeinBrussels · 04/09/2010 21:17

A woman in our road killed her dh, chopped him up, put him in binbags, loaded them up into her car (which she's backed into the garage) and dumped them at the local wood. However, she didn't dump them very far from the path and they were discovered pretty quickly.

And she'd had the nerve to knock on all the doors in the neighbour asking if anyone had seen him!

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 04/09/2010 21:24

It's a plastic bath, yes flyme I was wondering about the luminol if my cover story was rumbled.

I've watched Hannibal and Snatch (I wondered what kind of childhood Brick Top had) recently re the pigs, might possibly be a bit of a pointer if I suddenly took to keeping pigs, lovely as they are.

OP posts:
Morloth · 04/09/2010 21:36

Sometimes DH breathes in this really annoying way.

whoISshe · 04/09/2010 21:40

AZ can i just ask if your dh is at home while you are plotting all this ?
if he is then how can you keep a straight face Grin

Honeydragon · 04/09/2010 21:41

I am now concerned that I have read all of this thread and rather than a desire to dismember my husband I now just have a desire for Barbecued Ribs - mainly due to the Hannibal and Fried Green Tomato references.

My dh is forever saying "if your going to kill me for gods sake make it look like an accident so the mortgage is paid and the kids are looked after" I didn't think my pmt was that bad Confused.

Original poster
AgentZigzag · 04/09/2010 21:48

Genuine lol at that Morloth Grin

He's been out all day whoISshe (classic BB) but he knew what I was like when he married me...

OP posts:
whoISshe · 04/09/2010 22:12

does he sleep with one eye open ? lol

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 04/09/2010 22:17

Eurgh! Now, I have as good a SOH as the next person but this thread is truly gross, making me feel genuinely sick. Would this kind of talk be OK if it was a man talking about doing this to his DW? Is there not enoug real life violence in the news (not to mention MNers who live with DV day to day or have escaped violent partners).

there, i've said it. Maybe now someone else will be brave enough to say they actually agree with me, maybe I will be derided for being a wuss. i dont care.

LadyintheRadiator · 04/09/2010 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 04/09/2010 22:29

PABH - clearly you don't actually have as good a SOH as the next person - well I suppose you do if you include LITR Grin but not other people - if it's not your SOH why click on the link, it was pretty obvious it wasn't a serious post?!

CherryChapstick · 04/09/2010 22:32

Death by giant icicle is the best way.

LadyintheRadiator · 04/09/2010 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mingg · 04/09/2010 22:41

I'm with you LITR... really not funny.

Firepile · 04/09/2010 22:49

And me too, LTR, for all the reasons you cite. Do we really think that domestic violence is a joke now?