To stab DH through the eye with a screwdriver, dismember his body in the bath...

[AgentZigzag]

...with a meat cleaver, cut the dismembered bits into smaller more manageable pieces using a kitchen devil, put these pieces into plastic bags (preferably waitrose/M & S) and secrete the bags in various locations around our wider geographic area?

Then tell anyone who enquires he's 'visiting relatives overseas'.

The bathroom would be a bugger to clean up, but that's OK, I'm used to hard work.

It doesn't fit your criteria for 'funny' - fine - nobody said it had to, so why not just move along... next thread...

Fucking hell some of you have really given this some thought

I'm guessing that this would be the wrong thread to tell my Fred West joke then....?

Yes it's a thread about a thread and not a very funny one at that.

Have any of you watched the Dixie Chicks on U Tube
'Goodbye Earl', some class stuff there.......

The missing man that was never missed!

I didn't know it was a thread about a thread.... in a funny way or a nasty way??

I'd like to apologise to anyone who found the title or contents of the thread offensive.

Obviously I didn't mean I literally want to murder and mutilate my lovely DH, although I'm now a tad worried about him having a bizarre screwdriver related accident

Do you have access to a pig farm - they dispose of bodies very well.

Don'tAskMeHowIKnowThatTiggaxx

It was the three 'violent' titles that were all active yesterday (hitting FIL with rolling pin/ripping mums face off/slapping sis) that made me think it.

It's funny because it's so unbelievably over the top, and anyone who took it as a literal title might perhaps be looking to be offended.

If I was seriously poking fun at the pain and suffering caused by DV and murder victims families I think that might have been evident in the OP and the replies.

I promise that if I do feel any murderous thoughts concerning my DH, I'll not post them on MN.

If it's any consolation (if that's the right word) DH thought it was funny, but then like I said, he knows what I'm like with an axe .

LITR - the deadpan delivery of this line for starters...

The bathroom would be a bugger to clean up, but that's OK, I'm used to hard work

Have you ever seen

Great clip chippingin

With the thing you said about if a bloke posted it LITR, that would not be funny because it could be something that would be likely to happen.

Cases of women who murder, mutilate and then try to hide bits of the body are few and far between, if any at all. Personally, I wouldn't have the stomach for it, squeamish as I am.

It's also funny because who would test out their murder plan by asking advice about it on an internet forum?

It's OK that it's gone over your head LITR, if you're into slapping your thigh and talking about zany people you know, I suppose you might not find it funny.

Some jokes don't have a punchline and not everyone's sense of humour is the same, it's alright to not get jokes about the darker side of life.

Thing is, I'm not pitching it as a film script, and even though I've explained why other people found it funny you seem determined to not see the humour in it.

That's OK LITR, you don't have to

Just because one person doesn't find it funny doesn't mean it isn't funny.

If I have to explain it in a deeper way than I have, it's possibly unlikely you're ever going to 'see' the joke.

There is an element of humour - you have had it explained to you, you choose not to can't see it - fine, not everyone has a the same sense of humour, so what? If you don't find it funny, move right along, there are plenty of other threads out here - no need to spoil this one.

What kinds of humour make you laugh LITR?

You're not like Margot from the Good Life are you?

You know what is funny? The idea that there is a formula for humour. Hilarious.

Humour is completely subjective- trying to explain why a joke is or isn't funny is like nailing jelly to the wall.