To stab DH through the eye with a screwdriver, dismember his body in the bath...

[AgentZigzag]

...with a meat cleaver, cut the dismembered bits into smaller more manageable pieces using a kitchen devil, put these pieces into plastic bags (preferably waitrose/M & S) and secrete the bags in various locations around our wider geographic area?

Then tell anyone who enquires he's 'visiting relatives overseas'.

The bathroom would be a bugger to clean up, but that's OK, I'm used to hard work.

You're both doing it!

Stop trying to explain why something is or isn't funny- the funniest joke in the world will be killed by dissecting it. You either find it funny or you don't.

Let's get down to the real issue here. Does anyone want to hear my Fred West joke or not?

LITR do you know what "black humor" is? Its jokes about death or someone getting hurt, in the same way someone will laugh if someone else falls over. The person who fell is ok but its still funny.

Its been around for ages just think about punch and judy shows or the first funny horror movie.

What you still dont get it?

Never mind then

(Puts the axe down and backs away)

Lol at all of this

I'd love to hear it please tether, and I promise I wont find it remotely funny LITR.

British serial killers are offered a last drink before jail.

Guard: "What would you like?"
Harold Shipman: "A nice whiskey would be great"

Guard: "What would you like?"
Peter Sutcliffe: "I'd love a glass of red wine"

Guard: "What would you like?"
Fred West: "I could murder some Tennants"

I am available for parties, weddings and bar mitzvahs.

:o Tethers

Can i tell my joke too please?

LITR - I didn't tell you not to post, I asked you to stop spoiling this thread because you don't think it's funny. Where else have I told anyone to stop posting ??

The RSPCA is not going to take action agenst the woman who put a cat in the bin but the council are going to fine her as she used the wrong bin

Deadly silence and faces at witchcats joke

I think you're kidding us you don't get it LITR, you find a joke about the RL murderer of children, young women and a pregnant woman funny, but not the fictitious murder, mutilation and disposal of my DHs body?

What? Too soon?

LITR, you are the funniest person on this thread, and dont let anyone tell you that you are being deliberately obtuse and spoiling everyones fun!!

I lol'd, as they say on t'net, but I can quite see why some people didn't find it funny. I guess if they'd been married to XH they would have seen the joke. ("Oh, does he have to have done something?" ) He still says these days, on the rare occasions we have to talk, that he's "not long for this world" and I just tell him to hurry up and get on with it.

Witchcat, your joke misfired because it's about an animal and this is Britain. Sorry love!

@ witchcat and crisproll

LadyintheRadiator you do not have a right never to be offended or to always get what everyone it talking about with regards to anything esp humour.

I do not get the Two Ronnies, if you can laugh at that you can knit fog. My DP thinks they are hilarious. I love Bill Hicks and my DP thinks he's ok.

EachToTheirOwnTiggaxx

I was coming back to this thread after the weekend, and got all excited that more people had posted.

no gruesome killing ideas, but a killjoy and a dissection of why the joke's not funny.

Agent - agree with your comment about Fred West joke being funny when totally blatant made-up joke scenario wasn't. what's that all about?

Sorry to disappoint you in your quest for suggestions nickel, but judging by your earlier posts you've already more than thought this through

The jelly solution was awesome! You need to take up crime writing.

thanks!
it was an off-the-cuff idea.

I warmed to it, i think!