to expect a 20 month old to not run up and down constantly indoors?

[plagued]

please help - i am being woken at 6 a.m. every morning by a little boy in the flat above me constantly running up and down a very long coridoor morning noon and night (often whilst screaming and squealing with delight!)
On weekends he old often has a little friend over to "play" so there's two of them running up and down and screaming.

I mentioned it to my neighbours and asked if there's anything they could do, including offering to pay half for some soundproofing or thick carpeting - but they have taken it badly and say they can't stop him from "playing".
It's a while since my kids were that age - please advise, do you think it's reasonable or unreasonable to expect a child of that age to be stopped from running up and down - constantly, as a game - indoors??
thank you

hi.We used to live on the second floor in a block of flats with NO soundproofing-you could hear someone upstairs coughing at night.
At the time,I had a toddler and my ds was approx 10months and had just started to crawl. Our underneath neighbours were "twats" and we had several run-ins with them over noise. But this was banging up hard on our ceiling in the afternoon when ds was crawling in the hall-and the whole flat was carpeted. It got to the point, I tried to be out as much as possible and lived on my nerves when in the flat-for which we were paying a mortgage.
Our neighbours were deffo unsociable, and others told us they were always like it, but it made life very unpleasant.
However, having said that, I never would have let my very active ds run up and down at 6am every morning. If he got up early, I would sit on the sofa with him with toys and the tv on. I certainly wouldnt appreciate being woken at that time.
The fault lies with the building contractors who build family flats with no soundproofing.
I do think to a large extenct, that in a flat, you have to "live and let live". The people above us, we didnt really know, except that she played the piano and "warbled" and we were convinced, that he, used a pogo stick to move round the flat!! It takes all sorts.

I was talking to my neighbour (weird halloumi woman) about noise earlier, as we've just had new neighbours move in, and they were thrown out of their last place for parties constantly.

As we both said, we do what we can to minimise noise. She keeps her kids quiet in the morning, I keep the noise down at night.
During the day, we both play loud music.

Running around at 6am, is not on, unless you live in a detached house.

OP, I really hope you come back and see that there ARE reasonable, considerate people in this world.

FWIW, I've lived in flats where the floors have shaken before - hence vibrations of everything. I can totally understand pictures shaking etc. They are not always crappy cardboard newbuilds either. I have lived in flats which have been older converted houses - they were obviously not intended to be used as separate dwellings initially, no matter how solid the outside walls are, and were converted the cheapest way possible.

Am still aghast at the "ho hum, toddlers will be toddlers, the little dears!" attitude on here.....

Chipingin, I'm not sure I know what you mean by 'people like me' I think I haven't conveyed what I intended to say very well. My discipline methods aren't being discussed here.

If my 2yo wants to dance I'm not going to say 'no DD you can't do that' she'll think she's being naughty. I obviously don't have her running and jumping and singing and banging at 6am, but my neighbours go out to work at 5:30am and close every door and flush the toilet a million times but I can't complain and say don't do it, as it is just their daily routine.

I think it is definitely a case of live and let live.

As curlyhairedassassin says, if flats are converted cheaply, no matter how much noise is made it is going to reverberate through the whole property. My flat is a victorian villa conversion and you can hear every cough and sneeze.

I have been there - have someone downstairs complain constantly about my DD - about her walking around during the hours of 8 am and 8 pm. I tried to be the perfect neighbour - TV turned down low, absolutely no noise between 8 pm and 8 am - but she constantly complained about my toddler DD walking around or running during the day.

Can I just add - carpets help a tiny bit with footfall noise - but no much and sound insulation does not help much either. The problem is the way many buildings in the UK are constructed.

it is not rocket science to realise that toddler running up and daown whilst often screaning and squealing in delight at 6 oclock in the morning will disturb your neighbours if you live in a flat.
I think the op should give in and just play loud music when said toddler is in bed, as that is what grown ups do!!

Actually Lovelybunch, you can ask them to pipe down, and I would.

Of course it's their routine, it's the time they go out to work, but you could ask that they minimise the noise.

My routine for the last few months, has been to stay up till 4am. I keep the noise down and when I work, I still do.
I get up at 6.15am. I put the TV on low, I don't run up and down the stairs, I talk to DD, rather than shout something up the stairs to her (to grab her bag or whatever).

There is nothing wrong with asking a neighbour to keep it down.

Alovelybunchofcoconuts

By people like you, I mean, people who say things like this:

My 2yo loves to dance and her dances involves jumping up and down and practically going through the floor but I wouldn't tell her not to do it because it might annoy someone else. she is having fun But if she was having a paddy and stamping her feet then i would tell her no doesn't mean i cant control her chippingin

and

If my 2yo wants to dance I'm not going to say 'no DD you can't do that' she'll think she's being naughty. I obviously don't have her running and jumping and singing and banging at 6am

But if she wanted to you'd let her because she can't possibly be allowed to think it's 'naughty' at 6am??

You don't have to say it's naughty, you just have to say it's too early, we can dance later on, find her something else to do, shut the doors, sit her on the settee whatever - but not let her wake the neighbours at 6 am because you aren't prepared to say no to her.

Aren't parents supposed to parent and teach toddlers what is and is not appropriate. You can't prevent a toddler having a paddy and the op sounds very reasonable and I am sure accepts this but you can teach a toddler not to run up and down at 6 in the morning( or at least distract them in other ways). Parenting is hard and my goodness there are times when my toddler could make enough noise for England but I do not for one second think that other people should suffer because I can't be arsed to try entertain her another way. Is it any surprise reading some of the posts on here that we are raising a generation of people who are totally self centered YANBU op . Rant over

It's because Britain isn't child friendly.

We should all accept screeching, running toddlers at all times.

They do on the continent, apparently

Muggglewump, oh my god - your routine!!! I really want to send you a copy of you know what.....

Daydreaming: 8am is perfectly acceptable. (6am ain't). Sod your neighbour, you've done all you can! Your neighbour is a moaning minny.....

muggle do you only have 2 hours sleep??

yabu i think you are making a big deal about nothing, our upstairs neighbours also have toddlers, no carpet and make noise... sometimes children do make noise, im sure yours do too at times, get over yourself. get some earplugs if you want! why should they have carpet just because of you?

YANBU. You aren't judging the behaviour, as some of these responses imply. You're trying to resolve an issue that isn't of your making. The neighbour can't help the behaviour, but they can assist with resolving the impact of it. Especially if you're offering money so they can do that!

I agree that whilst running around isn't naughty, you do have to teach your kids that some behaviours aren't acceptable at 6am in the morning if you live in a flat.

I know the nipper's only 2, but you have to start teaching kids early or they get to 5 and go, what's the problem? You've never told me about that before....

If you live in flats it is give and take, but it's not all take, or you're being a crappy neighbour.

YANBU at all OP. Your neighbour is by not even trying to help out here.

Chippingin, I haven't once said I would allow her to do this at 6am 'because she's having fun'.

Of course we have quiet time, she does puzzles, colouring, playdoh etc and of course I would say 'lets do it later yadda yadda'.

I obviously don't have her running and jumping and singing and banging at 6am

This would infer that I don't let her.

Mugglewump, the point I was trying to make is that I wouldn't ask them to do their morning routine any quieter than they already do because they already do do it quiet. I was trying to say that whatever the level of noise, it always comes through. I certainly couldn't say please go to the loo a bit quieter!

I don't think OP is being unreasonable at all, I haven't said this anywhere in my posts, but I was merely trying to say there's not much more that can be done if the neighbours won't accept her kind gesture.
Perhaps the landlord or building officer could speak to them and complaints regarding can be made to the local council

How disgusting that they were angry at your suggestion of soundproofed floors. I think more than the toddler noise these people are really inconsiderate. I feel for you yanbu.

OP I think you've been really reasonable. I think you went above and beyond in offering to pay half the cost of carpet.

I wouldn't dream of allowing my toddler to make noise at 6am. 7-8 is quiet play time, then noisier play from 8am would be much more sociable.

If you live in flats, then you should take responsibility for not disturbing your neighbours more than you can help; and certainly not early in the morning / late at night. I can't believe how self centred some people are on here. It would be so easy for the neighbours to help you out on this and it needn't cost them anything if they don't want to carpet - just being up with the toddler and getting them to do quieter activities for an hour.

Do you have a lease? Check it to see if it says anything about early morning noise. When I lied in a flat mine did; mainly to cover early morning DIY etc but all noise early in the morning / late at night.

FWIW if it is really bothering you I would let the dust settle and then try again to talk to them, as nicely as you can. If that didn't work I would look into what the lease said and get onto the management company or whoever to ask if anything can be done - either having a word with your neighbours or better soundproofing your ceiling / their floor.

Good luck.

I think anybody who lets their toddler run riot at 6am (esp in the name of 'free play') needs a kick into reality.

Have some fucking sympathy for other people - it's NOT difficult to keep a small child occupied in one room.

Every effort should be made to be a considerate helpful neighbour, esp when you're in such close proximity.

belgo and others - 'i wouldn't restrict my child'
I think you're exceptionally thoughtless and rude.
Of COURSE kids make noise, but if you're in a block of flats then you need to keep noise to a sensible level.

Crying babies are one thing.... rampaging toddlers are quite another (oh, and for the record I have an almost 3yo, and I can keep him quiet if need be... )

[shakes head]

"yabu i think you are making a big deal about nothing, our upstairs neighbours also have toddlers, no carpet and make noise... sometimes children do make noise, im sure yours do too at times, get over yourself. get some earplugs if you want! why should they have carpet just because of you?"

[rolls eyes]

Wow, you sound like a git.

A lot of flat have a rule that carpets are compulsory. My sister was in a flat below one that had a wood floor in their flat and had to cover it up with carpet.

All privately owned.

and... "The point is though, unless the toddler is the size of a small elephant wearing clogs, how on earth can he make so much noise as to wake up someone in another flat, just by running?"

ffs.. I can clearly hear normal footfall upstairs. Stompy toddler behaviour, combined with riding on a wheelybug or similar would sound like the roof is about to cave in!

People - 6am is NOT acceptable. placate your teeny tiny PFB's with CBeebies/readybrek until a reasonable hour (or take them to the other side of the room/ house at least)

If I don't remember it wrong, there are these things called "playpens" for kids as old as 3 years old, that are affordable and even easy to make yourself. Some of them even have padding so the child can be safe playing in them without making a lot of noise. They are very easy to use too. They very efficiently restrict the area a toddler can play in, and would be really useful for the particular child the OP is talking about.

But of course, some mothers may think it is equivalent to imprisonment, an affront on their human rights and freedom. Waking up the neighbour at 6 am is a much more acceptable solution. And how dare the bitch complain!!!

The neighbours should have a cuddle with the child and watch Cbeebies until a reasonable time. Being woken up at 6am constantly is a nightmare.

The parents are selfish.

We had a similar problem with the people next door in our old home, two children running up and down the stairs and shouting from early (6 ish) in the house next door and in the garden.

A few very polite words did not help so one evening DH took the HiFi to our bedroom and put both speakers against the wall adjoining their (the parents) bedroom, he put as much bedding and blankets around the speakers as we had to muffle it in our house and put a CD on at very high volume and on repeat, we then slept in the lounge.

We had put the CD on at 11-30 and turned it off at 1-30.

Nothing was said by next door but the kids were much quieter from then on.