Sis Wedding, am not loooking forward to it

[twinklingfairy]

People ask me if I am looking forward to it (I am her bridesmaid, DD is her flower girl) I truly wish I could say NO.
But of course say oh yes.
When truly I am looking forward to the day after.
Not only is it DDs birthday but it will mean this ghastly year is finally over.
Until she gets pregnant.

Her hen do is next weekend, the wedding is the weekend after, and I could well do without it, but have no option.
I am the gel that keeps mum and sis ticking over, not to mention my bridesmaid duties.
There are only 6 of us going, me her and mum, his mum, his bros GF and my bros GF.
Sis has no friends of her own.

What does she do if she doesn't get her way at work? Cry at her boss?

You're right though DaftApeth - chicken & egg. And a salutary lesson to us all in the way we treat our own children.

Do you know she has!
She was trying to get her point accross to some guy at work who was dismissing her. The more she tried, the more he dismissed, to the pit she coldn't cope.
Went to the boss, explained the situation and said she had to go home.
So home she went.

It sounded fine, at the time. He did appear to be in the wrong. Whilst she had tried and tried to get her point accross only to be told no, I don't care if you are correct, this is the way I am doing it. I am senior, so get on and do.
She was aware that her reaction was not the best, but she did end up with 2 of them at her, with the one who had jumped in saying that tears certainly weren't professional.

Oh, Lord, this is what people mean when they say spoiling your child does it no favours in life!

Yes, mum and sis are a pair alright.
You are not wrong there.
But having already told mum that she can come, I don't feel I can now uninvite her.
With it being just after the wedding. I am not sure I am in a position to pick and choose without being deemed awful.
I am just not up for any more hassle, I am afraid.
Call me weak, I probably am, but it is just the end of it all for me.
Promise, next year, it will just be DD and her friends.
DS birthday is October. Reckon I might try to make it a just friends thing.
What a carry on there was over it last year. You woudl not believe.!!
Anyway, must dash.
My computer is capoot and I am actually at mums, on her computer right now.
Better log off!

Well, just keep your eyes on the end-date of this hell. Maybe you will come down with something when it is all over, so you can have some time at home. I'm not actually joking; my mother came down with pneumonia after a very intense period at work (it was an event). Her body realised the pressure was off, and in order to ensure it could enjoy the rest it needed, it collapsed. She had to go to hospital in an ambulance as she had terrifying chest pains.

After more info I agree that your sis sounds like a nightmare and it sounds very much as if you are letting her get away with it. I know its hard to stand up for yourself but as the cliche goes, if you dont, no one else will. She is clearly happy to use you to do what she wants, a dynamic that must have been set up a long time ago. Changing it will be difficult but it sounds to me as if she needs you more than you need her, especially as she starts a family. If she insists on rubbishing anything of yours (eg your wedding dress, firmly put her straight as to why that is a mean or unreasonable comment, say what you think and dont let her put you down. It sounds like you have a supportive DH which is a bonus.

Do not let her take advantage of you when she has a baby. Start standing up for yourself now. Let her have her day.... then draw the line. Good luck!

Ooooh, the wedding is tomorrow! Good luck, twinklingfairy!

And I hope DD has a lovely party, too.

Sis sudden;y went all calm in the week before her wedding.
It was very strange. Made me feel I had been totally over reacting to the whole thing.
As If I had taken on all her stress and made a big deal out of nothing.
She seemed to thoroughly enjoy her day.
As did I, I have to admit it.
Her DH saw my hair, before the wedding and said how lovely it was, just my style. So that was very nice.
The only thing I woudl have changed was my make up. Way way wAY over done. But that was just unfortunate choice for us all. We did do a test run, but it seems she used far more on the day than on the trial. Claiming 'I want people for 4 tables away to see your make up'
Jeeso, we looked like we should have been on stage!!
haha
Nevermind.
Had a good long chat with my mum, on the way home from the hen do (which had some very awkward points, there being just too few of us, but in general was not as bad as I had feared)

I do feel like a completely overreactiing eejit, because everything suddenly calmed down and went so smoothly.
But I must remember my feelings. I did not make them up, and to be careful to not revert to my doormat ways.

We will see what the future brings, when she does get pregnant. I must stop worrying myself over what might happen.
But my chat with mum has made me realise a little better how sis works.
Apparently, when she is on the phone for an hour repeating herself until you want to headbut a wall to releive the monotony, she is just trying to make sure that I am happy and in full understanding of what she is trying to say and that I am happy about it.
Apparently my dad does it too.
I had not noticed, but I do know that he is a bit rubbish on the phone too, he also repeats himself.
Just annoys me less and will take the hint when I say, yes dad, I understand.
I guess it is just a sister thing that I find her more difficult to shush.
I hope that, with this new insight, I can shush her sooner, or just hang up sooner and not worry myself so.

Aaanyway.
Just thought I would give you an update.
Thanks for being there for me.
It really helped a lot!

Thanks for the update. It was a pleasure to hear such a calm tone of voice, but also to hear you understanding that this could all happen again so you have to be prepared to meet it in a different way. You never know - maybe a different attitude is what it will take, and then your relationship will start to get better for good!

Good to hear that it all went well and the wedding went well for you as well as your sister.

Well done for getting through it and keeping your sanity