To ask my brother and family not to go to church when we visit

[Trifle]

I plan on visiting my brother, sil and their 2 children for a weekend in September with my 2 ds's. All the children get on fabulously and really enjoy eachothers company although, due to distance apart, we dont meet up as often as is liked.

My brother and sil are deeply religious to the point of fanaticism. They read the bible every day, pray religiously, attend church at least 2 if not 3 times a week, sometimes twice on a sunday (obviously the message doesnt get through first time).

Now, if we visit at the weekend and stay overnight, would IBU to ask them not to go to church on a sunday morning as the whole thing takes about 3 hours and we just end up hanging around waiting for them to come back. This defeats the object of the whole trip if we are there to see them plus I also think it is rude to abandon your guests.

I do have to admit that the debate gets a little tiring when people use that logic TheBeast:

"the Bible is true because the Bible tells us so"

Or simply

"that is true because it's the word of God"

YABU and a bit rude to call them fanatical. Could you go with them ofr if you don't want to just have a relaxing Sunday morning or find something else to occupy yourselves while they arte out.

I'm going to have to go with YABU. If they were insisting that you go, then they would BU, but they're not forcing their beliefs on you. They are keeping a commitment which they consider is part of being a good person.

Of course, it's perfectly valid to debate the role that attending a church (or not) plays in making you a good person (or not), but that doesn't change the fact that they are going to church because they think it's the morally correct thing to do. I don't agree with vegetarians that it's immoral to eat meat, but I wouldn't expect to be served meat when they have me round for dinner. If they did, that would be lovely. But if they didn't - well, it's not as if I didn't know before I went, is it?

The football analogy doesn't work because football fans aren't taking time out of their week to consider how they can be better, more moral people.

Oh, and for the record, I am a third-generation atheist.

There isn't a religious bone in my body. I have no time for religion whats so ever but even I think that you are being incredibly unreasonable

YABVU.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias - "they are going to church because they think it's the morally correct thing to do"

How do you know that? Maybe they are just going because they don't want to go to hell.

Erm, or maybe because they enjoy it..

Beast - another good point. There's a big difference between going to chuch for moral correction and going just so you don't go to hell.

If you're going just so you don't go to hell then it's for self serving reasons, not so you become a better person.

"If you're going just so you don't go to hell then it's for self serving reasons, not so you become a better person."

That's one of the things I never understood about the "fear of hell makes people moral" argument. Surely, someone who gives to charity and looks after the halt and the lame out of fear of eternal damnation ("salvation through works") isn't being moral at all, but is just paying the entry fee to heaven. Whereas someone who does good works in the sure and certain knowledge that there's nothing after death is behaving in a genuinely moral way.

Yes Toky, I like to think I go about my business trying to do the right thing where I can - because it's the right thing to do, not just so I don't get God's wrath, hell and damnation.

"Beware: If you use common sense in interpreting the Bible you will become an atheist."

TheBeast, you just became my favourite poster.

The Beast is my fave poster today too.

Actually apparently the most true Christians go through an atheist stage. That's a perfectly necessary and normal stage.

Oh my golly gosh, what a lot of anger on this thread. Well listen here, I think yanbu. Religion is always pussy footed around on here, DON'T OFFEND THE RELIGIOUS! there fragile belief system must be coddled at all times

ROFL at religion being pussy footed around on here

Not in my experience!

OP - anyone who attends Church for 2-3 hours is not going to think spending time with their family is more important. It will be an obligation for them. I wouldn't ask. I suspect they would be mightily offended and keen to tell you, at length, why. And probably invite you along. Don't give them the opening...

Animation - "People have to use their common sense and interpret the Bible accordingly."

Dangerous ground! This approach is not recommended by any of the really successful religions. Otherwise you end up with your flock thinking their own thoughts, making their own decisions etc, and the whole thing just falls apart. See: C of E.

By the way, Beast, you're wrong about the prawns; if you're a desert-dwelling tribe miles from the sea, with the only transport by camel, not eating prawns is v. wise!

AnyFuleKno, thats not true, actually what happens is people turn up to express the same old views on religion, whenever the subject is raised, and to be frank, it gets a bit boring.

Have not read thread.

But...um...can your family really not entertain yourselves for 3 hours while on holiday? If not, then...seek professional help. You sound boring to the point of fanaticism.

Any FuleKno "Religion is always pussy footed around on here, DON'T OFFEND THE RELIGIOUS! there (sic) fragile belief system must be coddled at all times."

Are you taking this piss or just new to MN?
Religious belief is one aspect of people's values that is often treated with contempt in RL but especially on MN.

Whether or not the family are religious, really has nothing to do with this thread. They could be fanatical atheists, going twice a Sunday to lectures at Conway Hall. They could be storm chasers or metal detectors.

The point is, that's how they spend their Sundays, now OP needs to decide how to spend hers.

Ummmmm.... to get back to the OP, YANBU. I have inlaws whose entire life is focussed on their church, and they make a point of not going if we're there because they know that we don't feel comfortable with it and they know that we don't visit them often enough to miss half a day of the kids playing.

They're not going to spend every waking moment with you anyhow, when you visit, unless you're going to insist on them not closing the bathroom door behind themselves so that everyone can bask in the glow of everyone else's company..

Maybe they will welcome the relief of a little time away from their guests? Maybe you'll all appreciate each other that much more because of the temporary separations? Even when you're visiting it's nice to have a little time just to yourself.

This should be part of the Rude and Demanding Houseguests thread that was on here not too long ago.

If the DCs want to spend as much time as possible with their cousins there is a nice simple solution- send DCs to church with them and you and DH have some time to yourselves. It gives your DCs an experience they wouldn't otherwise get and you have babysitters. Failing that just find something to do as a family-or leave after breakfast.

Was being ironic btw AnyFuleKno, I've seen your name on here for yonks.

YABVVVVU.