Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In loathing "pop-ins"?

121 replies

Madinitials · 31/08/2010 21:51

Or even just plain miserable?

I cannot bear it when people pop in on me without calling first, it just pees me off and I have found myself hiding in my own house. I live in a funny little part of my town that no one would really be "passing through" and could legitimately pop in except my parents as they live here too and don't do mobile phones except on long journeys and even then, my mom switches hers off once she has made a call!!

I liked to be warned that someone is coming over so that I can get up/tidy up, I just hate being caught unawares.

Am I the only person who feels like this? Does this make me boring? Should I "fix up" as my sister puts it?

OP posts:
horatia · 01/09/2010 16:35

I don't like it really. I prefer to be able to make sure I am going to be available when someone calls in.

Itsjustafleshwound · 01/09/2010 16:37

If they are good friends they should know whether or not popping-in would be appreciated.Meet-ups are usually so staged and have no spontaneity (sp) ...

KarmaAngel · 01/09/2010 16:39

For me it depends on who it is. And also what time of day. If it's after the kids bedtime and it's not prearranged then I'm in my pj's and don't want to see anyone.

laloony · 01/09/2010 16:41

I Love it too.
In fact we dont have a lock on our front door so every body that we know...just walks in. We are a very open house but then, everyone we know we have known for donkeys years so they are like family really.

its funny but if any one actually knocks, we both look at each other in disbelief... "who on EARTH is that??"

Come to think of it though, i always text folk first to check if they are in and if its ok to turn up, but i like the casualness, no pressure, comfy relationship we have with our friends and family so it really doesnt bother me.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 01/09/2010 16:41

All it takes - especically these days when most people have mobile phones - is a quick call. 10 minutes warning can make a world of difference.

deemented · 01/09/2010 16:44

I don't mind pop ins, but you're coming to see me, not the state of my house, so like the mess or lump it!

chipmonkey · 01/09/2010 16:56

I thought this thread was about Cloth nappies!Grin

MrsMerlothasabadhead · 01/09/2010 16:58

I used to absolutely loathe when my PIL used pop in where I lived previously.

In my old old house,I put a padlock on the back gate after they broke in let themselves in through the backdoor once when I was in the shower and honestly foronce didn't hear them knocking. I came down stairs starkers apart from my Grannie pants and an ill fitting vest top to find them sat on my sofa Blush

My old house house had a long driveway and overgrown healthy garden so wasn't overlooked by anyone and we never bothered closing the curtains. They used infuriate me by walking past my front door with working bell, to peer in the living room window, usually giving me a complete fright. Gave them a fright back one day when I was sat bfeeding newborn ds2, had just swapped sides and had both boobies on show Blush
Oh and they lived 40 mins away so it wasn't really like they were just popping in really Hmm

Now we've moved again they are to far away to pop by, in a warped way I actually miss the company Hmm

DeathandTaxes · 01/09/2010 17:00

I hate pop ins, unless it is good friends who wont be offended if I am busy. Its the relatives who just call by unannounced and then expect to be entertained for an hour or two, or the people who think nothing of popping round at 9.30pm as they are out for a walk that do my head in, I am usually flopped on a sofa by then barely able to converse with my dh let alone visitors so it is totally out of order!!

YANBU

whomovedmychocolate · 01/09/2010 17:07

If popping in I feel visitors should avert their eyes from any mess, bring cake and not stay longer than it takes to drink one cup of tea and handover said cake. That is basic politeness I feel Grin

sarah293 · 01/09/2010 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

peachsmuggler · 01/09/2010 18:01

Wow. Am really shocked at the amount of people who are so against pop ins.

Personally I like them, but would have thought that those that didn't, while having every right not to like them, would recognise that this is their own little neurosis and try not to flap too much about it.

Presumably people that pop in are friends and family, who you're supposed to like/love, no??

sarah293 · 01/09/2010 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 01/09/2010 18:43

Riven, I'm half expecting a knock on the door now - and to open it and find a lady I have never met before who was just passing by and thought she'd pop in Grin

peachsmuggler · 01/09/2010 18:44

And they will say, "No sorry Riven, you can't come in, for I have a poker up my arse" Wink

LetThereBeRock · 01/09/2010 18:45

YANBU.

And the sense of community isn't lost,simply because people prefer their guests to call ahead of time

LetThereBeRock · 01/09/2010 18:47

A poker up their arse?Hmm
You might as well say that those who show up without warning don't give a toss about possibly disrupting/inconveniencing their friends.

massivemammaries · 01/09/2010 18:50

YANBU - solution? tell them to fuck off, they wont do it again

LetThereBeRock · 01/09/2010 18:51

About three people have an open invitation to my home,and all are family.

I'll readily admit that I don't really like having guests, as a rule,and that when I do I prefer them to call ahead. It's polite to do so imho.

It doesn't mean that people are uptight. There are plenty of people who,unlike myself,enjoy having guests,but who still would appreciate a call beforehand.

teenyanne · 01/09/2010 19:02

I love it, although if my PIL lived close enough to "pop-in" I would probably hate it. But the only people who do it are people who wouldn't mind me popping in on them if I happened to want to see them (and would be glad to say "sorry i'm a bit busy" if necessary with no offence taken by the visiting party).

sarah293 · 01/09/2010 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LetThereBeRock · 01/09/2010 19:10

Housework/Enjoying being alone/having sex/cooking/Mumsnetting.

peachsmuggler · 01/09/2010 19:13

If I thought that by popping in, my friends thought me inconsiderate and rude, not only would I be mortified, I would also be questioning just about everything else I did in everyday life.

If you'd asked me before this thread, I would have said I was a thoughtful person. Now am wondering if I am an emotional clutz and social pariah.

MrsMerlothasabadhead · 01/09/2010 19:19

Ahh but isn't it subjective?!

My PIL used pop in all the time, it would drive me crazy because

a) They didn't live in 'popping in' distance, so could have phoned when they left their house (giving me 40ish minutes warning)

b) They turned up at a inconvenient time

c) They were intrusive and critical

d) They always out stayed their welcome

e) They are not the sort of people that would either 'muck in' or graciously accept your apology when you say you are not up to having visitors.

I had friends who I loved popping by.
Thats something I miss, they didn't care if the living-room had been hoovered, dishes done or the washing put away. Any decent friend who knows you well, would not drop by at obviously silly times like teatime or bath-time or bedtime without being happy to joint in the bedlam Grin....

nappyzoneloveschinesefood · 01/09/2010 19:32

chipmonkey so did i Grin

Personally though i dont like pop ins though my parents do it all the time i just be as slobby as i can be but they dont seem to mind. Friends i would pass at end of road and ring to say are you in for a quick coffee so they have a nano second to yay or nay it.

I just dotn think it would be nice for a pop in to see my dh's upturned skiddy undies when they pop to the loo!