Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have never been happier since DH dropped dead

117 replies

merrywidow · 27/08/2010 23:13

not quite dropped dead, it took about three weeks for the verbally abusive, controlling, womanising, gambling bastard to pass away. Just thought I'd share

OP posts:
Altinkum · 27/08/2010 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistsandMellowMilady · 27/08/2010 23:39

I'm very glad you're happy. I would be too.

Good riddance to the verbally abusive, controlling, womanising, gambling bastard then.

All the best for next term Smile

SolidGoldBrass · 27/08/2010 23:40

A friend of mine had an abusive father. She didn't tell me quite how abusive unti he was dead, she had mentioned a few times that he wasn't nice and she didn't want to spend any more time with him than she could help, and turned up one night singing 'Ding dong, the bastard's dead.' I had sort of gently suggested to her that grief might hit her at some point, but it hasn't done (more than ten years since it happened), and there is nothing at all wrong with being glad someone who mistreated you is no longer in a position to do so.

Original poster
merrywidow · 27/08/2010 23:43

No Insurance to pay the mortgage, cash just about covers debts - he was very secretive. Luckily, I can take over mortgage so I wont have to shift the kids and cause them more distress.

OP posts:
Minxie1977 · 27/08/2010 23:44

Think the title could have been more sensitive - bit of a wanky thing to do as you're putting it out there for all to see. Also a bit shit to say you're glad anyone's dead but hey ho YANBU to 'feel' anything really

Original poster
merrywidow · 27/08/2010 23:44

ccpccp if youd married him you would have wished you'd married the dog

OP posts:
Karmann · 27/08/2010 23:50

People can be absolute shits during their lifetime - as soon as they snuff it people say 'ooh, you shouldn't speak ill of the dead'. Why not?

Minxie1977 · 27/08/2010 23:53

Speak ill of is v.diff to glad that diesd though!?!

Vallhala · 27/08/2010 23:56

I married an abusive bastard too and don't feel anything but dislike for him BUT there are a couple (at least, to my knowledge) of ladies on MN who have lost their much loved husbands and are understandably devastated.

No offence to you OP, who has clearly had an unhappy time, but I think the title of your thread is likely to hurt someone and would ask that you consider having it deleted purely for that reason.

Karmann · 27/08/2010 23:59

Point taken Minxie - I retract!

Original poster
merrywidow · 28/08/2010 00:01

Vallhala, IMO there are plenty of threads on MN which are potentially sensitive to others.

OP posts:
MistsandMellowMilady · 28/08/2010 00:01

Why shouldn't someone say this?

I know there is a massive stigma about speaking ill of the dead and all that.

I'm also aware that the school holidays are not over yet and I hope to God that the OP's bedtime is soon.

But there are people around like Raoul Moat for example who die usually by their own hand leaving confused ex partners. And sadly, children who identify with their parent. Children who think that they are a real part of that person unfortunately.

Tortington · 28/08/2010 00:05

good for you op

Original poster
merrywidow · 28/08/2010 00:16

for those of you that 'diss' what I have said you should have walked a mile in my shoes. I never wished what happened upon him.
I wake up now and sometimes can't believe I'm free and judging by the amount of abuse threads I've read on MN, those in a similar situation will understand how difficult it is to get away from men such as my husband was.

Maybe I should have titled the thread 'My poor DH has passed way but strangely I feel elated' I feel so IANBU

OP posts:
solo · 28/08/2010 00:22

When I split with my first h I used to wish he'd just die and then I could don my red stilleto's and dance on his grave. He too was abusive in every way imaginable, but! he committed suicide last year and even though I'd had nothing to do with him for the best part of 20 years, I felt/feel terrible even though I joke that it's a shame he didn't do it 20 years ago.

OP, YANBU, but be prepared that you may feel entirely differently later on; emotions are strange sometimes. I actually can't believe or understand why I feel the way I do; it affects me almost every day.

All the best for your future, I hope you and your children have a good and happy one.

maryz · 28/08/2010 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lynli · 28/08/2010 00:23

If you feel this way you must have good reason. Most people think the dead are sudddenly saints and all their wrong doings just vanish.

I know there have been people in my life who I would feel this way about. Some people are vile and should not be mourned.

It is nice to know that for once it was not only the good that die young.

thelunar66 · 28/08/2010 00:24

Good for you OP. I have a friend in the same situation.

do you also have a vile mother in law and lots of Royal Doulton? Wink

KathyImLost · 28/08/2010 00:26

YANBU

When I was still with my ex, sometimes the only way I could get to sleep was by picturing his death, and his funeral. Found it strangely relaxing. Until he'd come home drunk and I'd have to lock myself in the bathroom again. I don't think it's the same as wishing he was dead, tho I'd not have been upset if he had died, IYSWIM.

Hope you feel like you can breathe now x

MistsandMellowMilady · 28/08/2010 00:26

How long ago was it OP? I'm sorry I seemed to be taking the piss a bit but MN has been a bit uncertain lately. I did agree with certain aspects of your posts you'll see.

If you want people to say that they agree that you should be happy that he is dead then you do have to say why or you will be questioned about it.

I am sorry that all this has happened to you to be honest, nobody deserves to be made so unhappy.

Hope you get some answers here.

Original poster
merrywidow · 28/08/2010 00:27

thelunar66 no Royal Doulton in my house; so what happened to her?

OP posts:
Original poster
merrywidow · 28/08/2010 00:28

He died nearly nine months ago

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/08/2010 00:30

YANBU at all, merrywidow.

thelunar66 · 28/08/2010 00:30

OP... my friend's H died following a thrombosis on a long flight... he worked in oil industry. He beat her senseless when he was home Sad

Original poster
merrywidow · 28/08/2010 00:37

Mine did beat me only the once in september last year, with hindsight again probably as a result of his illness which wasn't apparent at the time.

Gracious thelunar66 I can sense her relief

OP posts: