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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be totally livid that my OH is out wetting the baby's head....

127 replies

AnnaAndBump · 27/08/2010 20:33

Is it wrong for me to feel hugely angry and quite upset that my OH is out wetting the baby's head whilst I am sat here holding said screaming baby. DD is 16 days old and my OH only went back to work on Wednesday and since then I have been struggling to keep my head above water, something he is aware of, yet he has still chosen to go out tonight. The house is a tip, the fridge is empty and we have friends coming up for the weekend tomorrow. Is it wrong of me to begrudge him a night out... as I feel like ringing him up and dragging him back if the crying continues much longer (and he only left the house 15 mins ago!!)

OP posts:
Altinkum · 27/08/2010 23:20

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Animation · 27/08/2010 23:21

Amberleaf - like I just said - it's NOT a competition.

We are giving advice to a mum who's had a difficult evening coping on her own with a colicy baby. That's all.

amberleaf · 27/08/2010 23:21

Tee hee Wink

PrivetDancer · 27/08/2010 23:24

Who says the baby has colic??

I agree with amberleaf

amberleaf · 27/08/2010 23:25
Grin
Animation · 27/08/2010 23:29

PrivetDancer - Anna says so - the baby "suffers terribly with wind".Hmm

DDO2 · 27/08/2010 23:30

AnnaandBump,

I can understand you being angry but channel it in a positive direction - let him have his night out, relax, unwind and feel "normal" again COS tomorrow you're going out to do your thing (for 3 hours, hairdresser, walk in the park, meet your friends whatever).It's not easy being parents of a new born - for some reason, men think that women have an inbuilt instinct and love of it, which is not always true. There are always going to be times when you have to look after yourself and baby on your own - just make sure that there are times when he looks after baby on his own too.

I'm a mum of 3 and 2nd youngest of 7 and my experience tells me that if you let men have some independent freedom away from baby they are happy to do their share.

amberleaf · 27/08/2010 23:30

Animation- i suffer terribly with wind..I dont have colic either

PrivetDancer · 27/08/2010 23:32

Erm since when does wind equal colic? Hmm
all babies have wind!

Animation · 27/08/2010 23:33

Amberleaf - terrible wind in babies IS colic. Hope you agree with me.

Altinkum · 27/08/2010 23:36

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amberleaf · 27/08/2010 23:36

Animation - I dont agree with you as you are very much wrong!

Animation · 27/08/2010 23:37

Altinkum - give it a rest.

Good night all.

LilyBolero · 27/08/2010 23:40

wind definitely isn't the same as colic! Ds3 has bad wind, and it does upset him, but once he's got it up he's ok. Babies I've known with colic are much harder to settle.

Altinkum · 27/08/2010 23:41

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BitOfFun · 28/08/2010 00:04

You can say that women get nine months to get used to the baby coming, as though they are better prepared somehow. I disagree. They generally spend those nine months dog-tired and in discomfort, and then have all the sleeplessness to cope with after months of physical strain and exhaustion. They are not really in great shape to cope with a screaming baby, and shouldn't have to do it alone when they have a partner who is fit and well and should be sharing the responsibility.

I have no problem with men going out when appropriate. It's not very fair if they are needed at home though.

That said, the OP should have spoken up beforehand- and inviting houseguests is an unneccessary strain.

Mousesmummy · 28/08/2010 00:13

I did pretty much everything for the first six months with all dc (have 3 and a newborn) and then I get breakfast in bed whilst dh gets up with the dc FOREVER! For me it works :-)

Altinkum · 28/08/2010 00:17

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Boys2mam · 28/08/2010 00:20

DD02 speaks sense.

If I have even 5 mins to myself I am more balanced to cope with my DS's and vice versa. DP has every Thurs from fin work as a "boys night" and I get whichever day few hours I ask in return. It works great.

cat64 · 28/08/2010 01:06

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cat64 · 28/08/2010 01:10

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Heracles · 28/08/2010 04:05

Did you ask him not to go?

cumfy · 28/08/2010 13:58

Why is no one curious about how helpful OH was for the 1st 15 days ? Brilliant, good, mediocre ?

OP implies, he was at least OK, and that it is his return to work on Wed which has precipitated difficulties coping.

I am more concerned that OP feels OK come Monday Tuesday, and the ensuing week, than that OH is out for a drink (presumably for the 1st time since the birth).

OP Let him know how you are feeling. I'm sure this will work out.

deaddei · 28/08/2010 14:05

I must be one of the only ones who DIDN'T want dh hanging around on paternity leave- in fact 2 days after coming out of hospital, I suggested he went to play golf.
The house was clean, the fridge was full- there wasn't much else he could do! And I had no family or even friends to help.
He was back in work after 3 days.
I would never have had people coming to spend the day.

LilyBolero · 28/08/2010 15:18

The OP says "to be fair to him he has been really helpful with everything and I don't want to stop him from doing things as he rarely goes out, so I didn't tell him I didn't want him to go"

So I think people calling him an arse and a tosser were really unfair.