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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally livid that my OH is out wetting the baby's head....

127 replies

AnnaAndBump · 27/08/2010 20:33

Is it wrong for me to feel hugely angry and quite upset that my OH is out wetting the baby's head whilst I am sat here holding said screaming baby. DD is 16 days old and my OH only went back to work on Wednesday and since then I have been struggling to keep my head above water, something he is aware of, yet he has still chosen to go out tonight. The house is a tip, the fridge is empty and we have friends coming up for the weekend tomorrow. Is it wrong of me to begrudge him a night out... as I feel like ringing him up and dragging him back if the crying continues much longer (and he only left the house 15 mins ago!!)

OP posts:
Doodleydoo · 27/08/2010 22:53

I sent DH out to the pub when ds was 4 days old, so actually don't have a problem with the oh going out. But it can be overwhelming and I think with the first child you just aren't used to those darn hormones floating about whereas with no2,3,4 whatever you possibly have more resilience - I don't know, or perhaps you just know you will cope. I would prefer my dh out during those 7-11 hours having a nice time and letting me cuddle up to my newborn, but would prefer him to be around during the middle of the night when feeding said newborn,probably just to know that he is suffering from sleep deprivation too! Am nicer now as I want him to entertain the toddler!

Altinkum · 27/08/2010 22:54

This reply has been deleted

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ThatDamnDog · 27/08/2010 22:54

I actually think it's patronising and offensive to suggest that men are so shocked by the arrival of a baby, despite 9 months warning, that they have to go out to the pub to recuperate. They're not children.

Anyway, I can only speak for myself, but despite carrying him for 9 months and then having him surgically extracted I was still pretty shocked by DS's arrival and given the option would have far preferred not to be alone all evening with him when I'd already slogged all day, 2 weeks in.

Altinkum · 27/08/2010 22:55

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsRhettButler · 27/08/2010 22:58

agree altkin especially your last paragraph

winnybella · 27/08/2010 22:58

Frankly, YABU- although I only read the OP, so if he's out every night than YANBU.

But one night to celebrate baby's arrival...When DD was born, it was obvious that, because she was BF, I was the only one really able to calm her down and so I wouldn't begrudge DP an occasional drink out.I thought there's no reason to have two people in the house listening miserably to a crying baby. But then he does do his 50% around the house and with DD, so I never felt that I was left alone.

OTOH he better prepares the house tomorrow for the arrival of your friends, buys food etc- if he expects you to do it all, than I would be seriously pissed off.

But if normally he does his share of household tasks and babycare- I see no reason why he shouldn't go out and have some fun- assuming of course that when the baby is older he will gladly stay at home so you can go out with your friends.

QuickLookBusy · 27/08/2010 22:59

The important things are:

The baby is 16 days old!!

They have visitors coming tomorrow

DH has gone to get pissed wet the baby's head.

Tomorrow DH will be good for nothing hung over.

Im sure if her DH new she wanted him to come home, he would!!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/08/2010 23:01

And just because your circle does, doesn't mean that the rest of the world does Hmm

Yes parenthood is hard for both parties, to suggest that it is harder for either new mum or dad is ridiculous.

DammDog - I agree. My DH is just as capable as me, and I expect him to be able to cope with whatever I can cope with.

Animation · 27/08/2010 23:01

Parenthood is hard and requires both parties on an evening, working together, particularly when a baby has colic.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 27/08/2010 23:02

DS was 8 days old and we had paying guests, just for one upmanship.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 27/08/2010 23:02

i know loads of girls who have had babies recently and of those, i know ONE who has had a baby shower. I also don't know any who had maternity leaving parties. Maybe a pub lunch and a bit of a presentation in the office. For mine, we went out for a pub lunch on my last day and were back in the office after an hour and a half. Like Alibaba, i also do not think it is usual practice...

Altinkum · 27/08/2010 23:02

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amberleaf · 27/08/2010 23:03

Also agree with Altinkum and winnybella

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 27/08/2010 23:03

Am I allowed to ask whether your DH was down the pub the day before they came? Wink

compo · 27/08/2010 23:05

Yabu to have friends to stay when your baby is 16 days old
that's probably why your dh is out getting pissed
too much going on at home

Altinkum · 27/08/2010 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Animation · 27/08/2010 23:07

Amberleaf - this is not a competition about how many people who agree with.

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 27/08/2010 23:07

I would say when you said this:

'I think you are over-stating the case for female baby-related jollies"

erm nope, afraid not, just because you're circle doesn't do it, doesn't mean the rest of the world doesn't

I must have imagined the 9 showers I haven't went too and the 12 leaving meals I have attended this year alone.'

I guess we all have different experiences, but i think your message was definitely making the case that 'the rest of the world' does engage in this supposed female frivolity pre-childbirth.

Altinkum · 27/08/2010 23:13

This reply has been deleted

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sparklycheerymummy · 27/08/2010 23:13

My dp didnt wet the babys head till ds was 3 months old!!!!

Altinkum · 27/08/2010 23:14

This reply has been deleted

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PrivetDancer · 27/08/2010 23:16

Why are people going on about colic? The op hasn't mentioned colic and the baby is settled now.

Op I don't think yabu but I also don't think your dh is really either. Hope he comes home at a reasonable time and not in a state!

amberleaf · 27/08/2010 23:16

Animation - Bet you'll be kicking yourself when you read that back and spot your typo...arsey comments like that lose their weight when you make a cock up like that lolGrin

ccpccp · 27/08/2010 23:18

YABU

Hes gone out for a drink with his friends. A one off celebration at the arrival of his new child.

No doubt he arranged it with you beforehand also. And posters on here are calling HIM selfish.

You've got a misery on because people are stopping over this weekend. Its too soon for that IMHO so why are you letting them? Visit yes. Stop over? Are you mad?

amberleaf · 27/08/2010 23:18

I also agree with Altinkums last comment lol Grin