I posted on Sunday about my concerns over leaving my breastfed son to go to a work conference which would take me away from him for at least 19 hours. I didn't want to upset my relationship with my employer who might have taken a less than sympathetic view of me not wanting to attend because of this, so was considering lying and saying that I had a hospital appointment on the day of the conference so could not go. Not a particularly moral or correct thing to do, but hardly the worst crime either.
For those of you who did not read the thread, which you can still see, I was called pathetic - or rather my relationship with my son was - I mean, it takes a special kind of nasty person to say that about a mum and her baby; lame; a pathetic waste of space - that was from one poster whose posts in general seem to me to be brimming over with rage and bitterness and hate; a nasty piece of work, and horrible - from someone confused between horrible, and standing up for yourself - amongst other things. I was told that the problem lay with me, that actually I just couldn't be bothered to go to the conference and was using my son as an excuse.I simply couldn't believe the hatred and vitriol coming from the replies to my thread. Someone smugly informed that they had morals, whilst in the same breath told me in not so many words I was a bad mother and spoiling and mollycoddling my son.
I was also accused of running 'bleating' to mumsnet, 'crying and begging' to have the thread deleted.The playground language used here is stomach-turning.Sorry to disappoint you, but there was no crying or begging involved.I have asked them to delete it and they have agreed. As far as I can see it hasn't been done yet - am not planning to check again to be honest.The whole thing, actually, has made my skin crawl with the sheer nastiness of it. The hypocrisy and sanctimoniousness almost laughable - you must not lie, ever, but it's ok to hurl abuse at people online.
By the way, those of you who are employers - your employees lie to you. Not all of them, not all of the time, but they do.You're naive to believe otherwise.
I hold my hand up and say that I reacted in kind to those who attacked me.Yeah, I was spiteful. If you insult me, I'm going to give exactly what I get. I stand up to bullies. Sorry. And make no mistake, having lurked and posted on mumsnet sporadically for the last year or so, my thread was one of the nastiest examples of bullies rounding on a poster I have ever seen. Pages and pages and pages of insults. Some generated by me, but only in retaliation. I think many of you are sadly hardened to that kind of behaviour on here. My husband read the thread yesterday and was genuinely appalled and upset to see his wife insulted like that. I have never in my life been insulted in that way, because I am none of the things I was called.Thankfully, I have a life, and friends, and family, offline who know that.
I did however receive some supportive posts. In my world, and most other normal people's, we thank people who say supportive things to us. That's not creeping or crawling, or sickeningly trying to ingratiate yourself with people (why would I? I have no intention of posting on mumsnet again).It's what people do. But that's what I was told I was doing by some of the charmers on here. I'm afraid some of you spend so much time online that you forget how real life works.
It's because of those supportive posts that I decided to post this. After talking to friends and family last night to gain some perspective on my dilemma, and, yes, taking into account what was said to me in the more sensible and well meaning posts (there I go again, creeping and crawling), I decided to come clean with work and take the risk they would be annoyed with me. And, actually, it was fine. I spoke to my manager this morning, and he is OK with me not coming. He asked in fact if there was anything else he could do to make breastfeeding and working easier for me. He is going to book out a room for me to express in every day. He also said for as long as I am breastfeeing I won't be expected to do any more overnight stays if they come up. A really good result.So in that regard, I'm glad I posted, because I might have lied otherwise.
Please, please, don't waste your time with nasty posts to me now. I am simply not going to read them. I didn't read any of the replies to my last post on the other thread, and I've no intention of logging back in to read what I imagine will just be further vitriol from some of the bored, and angry, angry ladies on this site. I've no intention of visting mumsnet again. As I say, I've posted on mumsnet for some time, and it's depressingly predictable how this will go. I imagine I'll be accused of never having told work at all - I'm just looking for an excuse to post (I don't need one). Or more charming insults - I can hazard a guess.It would be nice to think people might read it, digest it, and move on.But hey, this is mumsnet.
So save your "off you fuck then"s and "good riddance"s, and "Hey, cherry, if you decide to come back on (I won't), I just want to say this to you..."s and go take your problems out on something else. Thank you again to all who posted good advice yesterday.