This is going to be quite a long one but I really have to get this off my chest and I need some sympathy, truth be told and if you have any ideas on how I can deal with this that I haven?t tried already, that would be great.
Bit of background; my H and I are in the process of a divorce as he has chosen to forsake me and the 2 DCs for the OW. I did want to work things out, however he couldn?t and didn?t want to end the relationship. The divorce begun in April, it?s fairly amicable, no arguments as yet over anything and the decree nisi application was submitted to court on 17 July. H comes and sees the DCs twice a week, sometimes 3 times and is great with them, plays with them etc. I do have a thread on here about the sorry saga from a while ago, so some of you may recognise me.
My PIL have owned a large house in Montrose for many years, MIL bought it just after I started dating her son and they have recently chosen to sell their house down here near me and relocate to Scotland. They wanted to save more for retirement and it made sense to sell one of their properties. Truthfully it is difficult to imagine her retiring and she has said that she has no intention to for at least another 10 years, she works in Switzerland and comes over to the UK once a month for a weekend, sometimes stays longer. So my FIL actually lives without her most of the time. But they needed to sell a property to save for retirement and have done that.
The property in Montrose was being let out as a holiday home previously but they weren?t earning as much as needed to cover all the overheads as I understand it. So they decided now was a good time to sell up and relocate. MIL grew up in Montrose and wants to retire up there. Ever since I?ve known her I?ve always understood they would retire up there, it?s naturally their decision of course and I?m fine with that. What I am not fine with however is the fact that ever since my FIL moved up there every time he rings me to see how the GCs are, he always asks without fail ?when am I going up there to stay for 7 days?? MIL also whenever she sees me asks me the same. I feel almost bullied and pressured to go and stay for 7 days, every time they see me, as no matter how I try to explain things, I cannot get them to see my point of view. I want my DCs to have a good relationship with them and have said that if they can just wait a while longer, they?ll both be older and easier to manage in a car on longer journeys but right now as they?re both so young it is a lot to ask and it would be far easier for them to pack a small bag and come down to me instead and are welcome anytime.
I?m a lone parent now, with a 3 year old DD (just turned 3, I might add) and a 19 month old DS, their son has left me for a 21 year old, Montrose is 9 hours drive from me, if the traffic was good and I didn?t stop at all on the way up there and they expect me to pack up 2 toddlers, travel cots, ready bed, bedding, toys (as they have none up there), buggy and all the associated paraphernalia you have for 2 toddlers and drive on my own up there. My friends are lovely but all work full time or have families of their own and wouldn?t be able to come with me to help. My parents are elderly and aren?t able to offer to keep me company on the long journey either. When I try and tell them how stressful it would be to do it with 2 toddlers on my own. They then tell me that my H can come up with me. We?re in the middle of a divorce, yes we?re managing to keep it amicable but they do not seem to understand that it?s not appropriate for him to come and stay with me and the DCs for a week in Scotland. Not that the other woman?s feelings truly concern me but I?m pretty sure she wouldn?t be too impressed either, if H went away with his soon to be ex wife for a whole week. I sometimes think H?s parents haven?t quite grasped the fact we?re divorcing. MIL insists we just need to be grown ups about this and come up together to see them regularly. My DD has only just gotten used to the fact that daddy doesn?t live with us anymore and it would be very hard for her if he came with us for a week and then at the end, left us again. She?s so young and she still doesn?t truly understand why he no longer lives with us. I don?t want to confuse her or upset her and I know it would. She spent months crying and whimpering ?daddy gone, daddy lost? the last thing I want to do is confuse her again.
The thought of trying to drive at night with them instead, has crossed my mind but it would be too dangerous and I?d fall asleep at the wheel. I suppose I could arrange to stay in a B&B on the way up at a half way point and then finish the drive the following day? But it?s too much to ask of a daughter in law with 2 toddlers on her own I think and unfair. My DS gets fed up in his car seat after a while and I have to pass toys back to him regularly. I?ve tried story CDs, Kids music, great for DD, DS doesn't help 
I can time naps for the car journey I suppose as that?d help but he?d only sleep 90 mins in the day max in the car. So the rest of the time would require toys being passed back etc. My DD has only just been potty trained as well and I need to take her to the loo often to avoid accidents. I suppose I could put her in pull ups for the day? However it all comes back to the fact it?s an awful lot to ask of a DIL when they chose to move 9 hrs away, their choice and their son has left me to cope on my own. I keep saying it?ll be easier once they?re bigger and it won?t be long, I?m sure by next Summer it won?t be so bad to do it but they do not seem to take my point of view on board at all.
FIL called last night on the phone yet again and asked and dismissed all my concerns again, I felt so fed up as this has been going on since last October (he only finally moved 6 weeks ago and has already seen the GCs twice since then down here) I am always polite about it and keep trying to tell them how much easier it would be if they could just see me down here for now but they just do not let it lie. It all seems so unreasonable to constantly pressure me to go up there. MIL is often in the UK on business and it?s always in London so she is able to see the GCs lots anyway. FIL often comes down here too. I cannot see why they cannot take my pov on board. As my door is always open to them but I just want to wait until the DCs are slightly older to go up to Montrose on my own with them. As it is it would be a tough week and not relaxing with them and I know that. Life?s so hard with 2 toddlers, a divorce going through and money worries without this constant pressure from my PIL to go and stay in their lovely house. I?m sure the DCs would enjoy it of course but I just wish they?d listen to me and wait until next year. They chose to move 9 hours away from both their sons and their grandchildren and now I feel like they expect me to up sticks whenever they ask to go up there, when this wasn?t my choice or decision. I am also 100% certain that if I do the journey once they?ll then assume it?s no bother and expect me to go up there everytime MIL takes time off work, so I feel like I?m stuck between a rock and a hard place right now as I do not think I can win either way really, as they do not appreciate what they?re asking of me and what about if I ever meet a new man and he wants to do things with me and the DCs? What about when I return to work and only get 20 days holiday a year? What about the financial costs, the petrol is a lot too? If I could just agree to go up twice a year that would be ok I guess, if they came to me the rest of the time but I cannot see things being that straight forward, having known them now for 9 years
So what would you do in my situation as I was nearly close to tears last night when FIL yet again put me under pressure to go up there, as I?m about fit to burst with frustration now. Life is so hard right now, coming to terms with my marriage being over and being a lone parent with 2 toddlers Are my requests unreasonable?