because judging by the reaction of the old 'dears' around me, I fear that maybe I am ...

[plonker]

Ok, so let me set the scene

Me and the 3 dc shopping in ...no, I'm not telling you where in case it clouds judgement

We are at the end of the 'big' shop and have loaded the shopping on the belt. Dd's have some sweeties (unopened btw, just clarifying) and have sat down on the seats opposite the till whilst I load the shopping.

Dd2 (7yo) and dd3 (3yo) have an, ahem, altercation, resulting in my angelic 3yo pinching her sister whilst mt equally angelic 7yo boots her in the shins in retaliation. Juuuust your typical shopping trip

Anyway, I took the sweets straight off the girls (obviously) whilst they protested their innocence. They were told quite clearly that fighting children do not deserve treats. The children apologised after a few minutes and apologised to each other giving each other a hug. All going well, yes?

So (and here is the part where I think I must have committed some huge faux pas), I accepted the girls' apologies and gave them back their sweets

Dear me, the tutting that ensued from an elderly couple behind me because that "never happened in their day ...naughty children shouldn't get rewards ..."

Was it really so bad to give the girls the sweets?

Was I unreasonable?

Go on, give it to me, I can take it

I wouldn't have given them the sweets. But I also wouldn't have tutted.

I don't know whether or not you were unreasonable, but physical fighting in supermarkets does not get you sweets in my family (boys aged 7 and 4). Not even if you offer up a perfunctory apology.

you didn't reward them for beating 7 bells out each other but for doing the correct thing and apologising.

I think maybe I would have said thankyou for apologising and said I would buy sweets but they could have them after dinner if they behaved. (poss garuntee a nice afternoon if nothing else )

But then thats me and I often get told my parenting is old fashioned strict

I dont do food as punishments or rewards, or treats or whatever. So sweets and behaviour are two mutually exclusive and irrelevant to each other events.

I wouldn't have tutted at you but I guess it does send the message that you can be badly behaved but aslong as you say sorry then that's ok all will be well. No real consequence to actions.

then again NOT that strict compared to comments above !!!

hmm ok honestly - I wouldn't have given them the sweets back because that teaches them that next time they can do the same and just have to appologise to get what they want whereas if you don't let them have the sweets back it teaches them that next time they shouldn't fight full stop.

I don't think you did anything wrong. They kissed and made up and apologised for their behaviour. If you'd continued to punish them anyway, then next time where would be the incentive to make amends and resolve the conflict? You know your kids best and you are the best judge of whether or not they were being sincere. No bugger else's business how you choose to handle it!

The elderly couple were being most unreasonable for making comments you could hear, anyway.

YABU - how you discipline your children is your business (and not the business of some old folk in the supermarket) - if it works for you and yours then that's fine.

I would have tutted and said, 'when I was a child people were polite enough to keep their mouths shut. My how the world has changed'.

I really need to know the supermarket.

EDIT: YADNBU!!

I wouldn't have given them the sweets back either.

I agree with pjmama.

I'd have given them the sweets later on in the day...perhaps as a small reward for saying thank you for something.

No big deal though.

YANBU.

I actually think sloany has an excellent point and this comming from me who has used having a chocolate bar as a 'yes you can as you've good today'

what would have happened if you hadn't given the sweets back? if the answer is DD2 crying heartily for 10 minutes because she doesn't understand, then I'd have given the sweets back too. Some lessons are best taught in priavet

Was it Asda?

so If i do soemthing wrong and say sorry can I have sweets?

If I do something really good and don't need to say sorry - can I have sweets?

It does seem that if you are naughty it is ok as long as you say sorry afterwards you get rewarded just the same as if you have been good/wellbehaved

My DD is 7.

If she kicked her sibling, even in retaliation, she wouldn't have a treat from here to next month.
She would be massively in trouble.