to ask DH not to kiss DS goodbye in the mornings?

[notanumber]

Am currently on maternity leave, at home full time with 2.5 year old DS and six week old DD.

DH has a demanding job and does his fair share of the childcare and housework when he gets home from work, I have absolutely no complaints there.

He fairly often spends week-nights sleeping in another room as DD wakes to feed three or four times and he can't really work properly after a night of such disturbed sleep. I fully support him doing this and don't begrudge him the unbroken sleep (though wish I could have some too!).

However... when he leaves for work in the morning, he says goodbye to me and DD (who is asleep at this point) and then goes in to DS's room and kisses him goodbye. Now DS is usually on his way to wakefulness at this point and Daddy coming in wakes him up properly.

This means that Ds - in true toddler fashion - is immediately racing about demanding breakfast and wanting me to play with his trains and tell him whether clouds are girls or boys and find his blue wellies and God knows what else.

If DH didn't rouse him, DS wouldn't wake for at least another twenty minutes meaning I would get a precious twenty minutes weeping defeatedly over a sleep training manual to just prepare myself for the day and try to get myself into a fit state to look after the children without losing the plot. Or possibly just get another twenty minutes sleep.

It's only twenty minutes I know, but I'm really really knackered at the moment and the full on-ness of DS immediately as I wake up is really hard work and I'd do so much better if I had that tiny bit of breathing space in the morning before he wakes up naturally.

So...AIBU to ask DH not to kiss DS goodye in the mornings, even though DH loves doing it and thinks it's really important for their relationship?

I feel for you, honestly...but it's only twenty minutes.
Would it really make that much difference to you?

yanbu

yabu

Ask him not to kiss him, but to write him a little note instead. Twenty minutes is a lot of time!

Sounds like you getting a rest is really important for your relationship.
When your DD wakes in the night, why don't you get her to try to wake DH and give him a kiss, since it's an important part of their relationship too?
Have you asked him, does he think you're BU?

Tough one, my DH lost his mum last year unexpectedly.. last time he saw her he gave her a big hug (unusal for them) and he's really happy he did. Since then he got in the habit of kissing me before he leaves for work while I'm a sleep. Usually wakes me and I just get on with it cause I know it is important to him.

The risk is if something happened (sorry for even thining it) to either of them would you be happy knowing that they didn't give kisses good bye? Cna he try and be super soft while doing it? so as no to wake him, or just rub his back a bit instead?

YANBU, I totally sympathise - every minute second of time in bed in the morning is precious!

how about your dh wakes up your ds ten minutes earlier, takes him downstairs and gets him some breakfast sorted so they can bond some more? then sticks cbeebies on and snuggles him up under a blanket before going out to work

I dont think you are being unreasonable. With a 6 week old baby to look after every minute of sleep counts.

i am with you on this one.

20 minutes to myself in the morning is bliss when it happens. i feel so much better when i get up and can just be alone and have a cuppa or a shower without having to listen out for crying or cater for the dcs.

YAsooooNBU. your ds wouldn't even notice if daddy left without kissing him.

YANBU. 20 kinutes is a life-time when you aren't getting much sleep.

What Lionstar said - YANBU!! I am not a morning person - would be happier at DH coming in at 2am and waking the babe.

Again.. YANBU!

I can't help but think that if you ask him not to then your DS is going to wake up the instant your DH quietly clicks the front door shut behind him anyway.

honestly I'm right on this one . atm your dh gets the peace and quiet of breakfast by himself and the kissing goodbye of cute 2 year olds. my way, he gets no peace and quiet but loads of bonding time with a bouncy 2 year old. you will feel much better about this

YANBU, but then neither is your DH to want to kiss his son before he goes to work!

I would moot sanfairyann's idea, because it's not really fair for him to wake your DS up and then run leaving you with the full blast of morning toddler.

Difficult. I understand totally where you are coming from but would you be able to leave house without kissing your children?

How about he just looks in and blows a kiss from the doorway instead? Would that work?

Hope you get some sleep soon.

Tricky. I kiss my children goodbye in the morning, and it's important to me because otherwise I don't see them until tea time. DH isn;t sleep deprived though...

YADNBU FGS

you have a six week old baby and a toddler and he is out at work all day

twenty minutes is a bloody long time!

he has years to kiss ds good morning, holding off on it for a while isn't going to damage their relationship

honestly, some of the things people on MN think are unreasonable

yes, why is it ok for the well-slept DH to have a nice quiet breakfast followed by lovely cuddles and a quick escape leaving hardly slept mum to deal with the madness? surely mum deserves the quiet time a bit more in teh mornings if she is waking 4 times a night with the baby.

I can see both sides... Firstly, 20 minutes is long time with a newborn rest-wise. But on the other hand, similar to sanielle, I always kiss my family goodnight / goodbye so that if - God forbid - something happened to either of us during the time we were apart, that was the last thing that happened between us, if that makes sense? Also think its really lovely he always does this.

Like the leaving a note suggestion - would that be possible?

if it's a superstitious thing about "what if I fall under a bus" then he can blow him a kiss from the bloody door

As if a groggy 2yo has a clue what's going on first thing in the morning anyway

Am amazed so many people think you are BU! You are at such a difficult/lovely time at the moment, you need support from partner, not him adding to your workload.
20mins in new mother time must be worth months of normal time. He is already getting the lovely sleep-in-the-spare-room time.
DH can cement relationship with kisses/stories at bedtime instead.