I know I am before you flame me, but F*cking pg announcements on FB!!

[TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle]

I am friends with a former colleague and she has been with her dp for 9m. she has been moaning for the last 6m that its taking such a looooonnnnngggggg time for her to get up the pole. when I was having my last mc she bombarded me with q's about how i had got pg in the first place ffs.

she has just announced via status update that she is 2-3w pg. ive just burst into tears (evidently not as resigned as i thought) and had a rant at dh about it.

she has every right to be happy. she is not responsible for my problems, her being pg isnt the reason that i have such a shit womb, but im really upset about it.

so, yes, IABU but fb is not the place to announce a pg, especially so early. but then im a cynical bitter and barren witch.

Sometimes Meg it doesn't seem so much that people are "sharing" their joy as waving it around and shoving it in your face. It's the problem with updates that reach everyone you know - we all speak differently to different friends (or we should), and fb updates just override good manners and diplomacy.
Can't be very nice when people announce they're in love if your partner has just left you (or worse, died), either.
Going off the whole facebook idea rapidly I find!

but presumably most people will have already told their nearest and dearest?

I too 'announced' my pregnancy on facebook at 16 weeks, once family all knew, closest and not as close friends knew - how are you supposed to 'shove it someone's face' if you had no idea they had fertility or pregnancy issues? Alongside are we not allowed to proclaim we're in love, engaged, excited about anything in life at all without fear of offending someone less fortunate?

OP - YAdefinatelyNBU in this circumstance at all, but in general I honestly don't see the harm, it's bloody exciting, who doesn't want the whole world to know?!

GWTMH I was responding to the OPs situation, where her issues were well known by the friend and she was only just pregnant.
I do think we've a bit of a duty to try to minimise pain we cause others with our thoughtlessness (eg I don't tend to bang on about my DS to women who don't have children, even if I'm not sure if they wanted them or not).
As this kind of approach simply isn't possible on facebook, well again it's a sign that big news via status updates is just for eejits IMO.

thank you all, i was feeling much better but she text me to tell me her news because I hadnt commented on her status

i dont have aan issue with fb. i know that others getting up the pole has no bearing on me and my fertility. other people's fertility doesnt reduce mine. but the woman in question is super-insensitive and v immature. i also dont think that announcing it on FB at 4-5w is sensible though(each to their own) but, as i said, i am v bitter and long gone are the days when i could get excited about a bfp.

Are you going to reply? What a cow for complete lack of sensitivity.

I would ignore that text. She seems to be engaging in the vilest possible form of one-upmanship.

i deleted it and threw my phone across the room, cried and shouted at dh.

i want to be happy for her, but im not. i think she is being very silly

Can you block her phone number? I would have no contact with this woman ever again if I were you. She is no kind of friend at all!
and for you.

Fair play! Dont blame you - what an insensitive person your 'friend' seems to be! (that is me being quite restrained btw...my initial instinct is to litter my description of her with lots of effings, but it is only 10am...)

Hope you're ok

1. Fucking facebook!
2. What a foolish woman announcing pregnancy so early.
3. Really naff to announce pg on facebook imo (does anyone say 'naff' anymore?)
4. What an insensitive woman for doing so knowing how you feel. I agree, 'de-friend' her for reals, not just on ghastly facebook.

rockbird I've just seen your post saying I sound absurd about my "she's a fucking idiot" comment and yes I will have to agree with you there, but like I said I have recently had a mc too and was having an off day, so now I'm looking at it more objectively she wasn't a "fucking idiot" just extremely insensitve.

I don't think anyone is saying she shouldn't be excited about her pregnancy. This lady knows the OP has had not one but several MCs and to be hounding the OP for a response is just cruel. If I were pg and I had a friend with TLTGK's history, I would think long and hard about how to announce it and would fully understand that although she would be happy for me, it would be gutting for her.

YANBU that your friend is being very unpleasant and insensitive. I"m sorry you've been through so much :(

But on general principle, I disagree that you shouldn't announce pregnancies on Facebook or that you have to keep quiet until the 12 week scan.

When you announce your pregnancy and how is entirely up to you.

Re: Facebook - there is no one way to use it. Some people have just a few close friends. Some have several hundred. If you have that many friends, your status updates are almost like columns in a magazine - they're being published for mass consumption... and there's nothing wrong with that. Neither is there anything wrong with just posting things for your family in Australia. If you have several hundred friends, are you really going to consider every one of them every time you post a status in case they might be offended?

It's different of course if you have a close friend who you know will be hurt. You're going to want to talk to them before you do the Facebook thing. But other than that, it's fair game.

Octopus she was doing nothing wrong (but with the sensitivity of a brick) until she texted the OP DIRECTLY because there hadn't be the requisite fluffy "omg that's awesome" comment on her FB announcement status.

Then it just descended into pretty low bullying and emotional button pushing and became utterly despicable.

Now she's not insensitive - she's just fucking nasty. Wasn't aware there was a law to comment on every FB status anyway (I hardly ever do)

actually scrap my last post, I hadn't seen the bit about her texting the OP either so my first comment still stands, she isn't just a fucking idiot, she's a nasty fucking idiot.

we've announced ours on FB once the scans were done - but that's because we have friends abroad. However, I certainly wouldn't have done it that way if I knew for certain a friend had been going through what you had though - as is it I can be reasonably sure that isn't the case. So, no I don't think YABU. I'd just defriend her!

It is incredibly difficult to hear other people's news of pregnancies when you are having fertility problems. And I think people can't really understand how it hurts if they haven't been through it, though some are still aware of the issues and try to be sensitive. (there's only so sensitive you can be though if bump is showing and you need to leave the house...)

DH didn't always understand and used to say I was being 'competitive' for getting upset when others got pg in the first month of trying while it was taking us 2yrs to get pg with DD.
Personally, I appreciated it when people emailed me to tell me they were pg rather than doing it face to face, as I was able to fully indulge my initial (not so admirable) reaction along the lines of 'how fucking unfair, why it is so easy for others, why not me?' (NB this was for friends for whom it had always happened reasonably easily, without mcs etc). And then when I got over it I was able to say the right things more convincingly in reply.
I had a mc 6 months ago and lots of people I know are pg with their second (now that I'm around people with toddlers, DH is 18 months). one of them texted me to say she was pg with twins since she knew about my mc and didn't want me to have to hear it in a group or from others since she was starting to tell people and wasn't sure when she'd see me. I was very grateful for this, although it was slightly shameful to have to be a 'charity case' and have special treatment for the news.
But this was a personal message rather than general facebook announcement so that made a difference.
Absolutely shocked that OP's old colleague demanded a reaction to her news from you like that. I would be tempted to give her one. such as: 'You made me cry and scream, I am gutted, I can't bear to think about it. Since you ask.'

I know the feeling that everyone around seems to be pregnant. I've had 6 miscarriages and we lost our daughter Scarlett to stillbirth in December; since then it seems everyone and their dog was pregnant and announcing it on facebook. It's really hard, it really is and I've been so upset seeing it and had to hide a few people too. I don't begrudge them being happy, I just want to be happy too.

I'll never be so naively happy about being pregnant again, or getting past the 12 weeks "magic number". That's what gets me now so much, I can't imagine ever being normal or happy until that baby is in my arms. I'm actually 9 weeks now and not happy at all, I'm happy it's happened of course but I'm terrified that we'll lose another child. I can't relax at all.

I suppose I'll say something on FB (I have you on mine I believe) at some point but I can't even say anything about when the baby is born without adding on "if everything goes ok", I can't imagine actually having another live baby.

Sorry for the hi-jack . I know I'm lucky to have children already and grateful but it doesn't stop it hurting. I'm only too aware of how wrong things can go so I'll never have that happy and relaxed part of pregnancy again.

(hugs), I really feel for you

Someone sent an email a couple of months ago headed 'some news'. And I thought, oh God, not another one who's pregnant so quickly. But she was moving house to another city!

Blimey, a year ago! I'm the op and think an update is in order, she mc'd. I felt dreadful for her, until she contacted me asking for tips again. Now we are no longer friends. Its hard though (although it has got easier) and I am still vvv bitter. I've just found out that I am pg again, and I can't consider telling anyone in rl, let alone on fb.