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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am before you flame me, but F*cking pg announcements on FB!!

125 replies

TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 18/08/2010 19:31

I am friends with a former colleague and she has been with her dp for 9m. she has been moaning for the last 6m that its taking such a looooonnnnngggggg time for her to get up the pole. when I was having my last mc she bombarded me with q's about how i had got pg in the first place ffs.

she has just announced via status update that she is 2-3w pg. ive just burst into tears (evidently not as resigned as i thought) and had a rant at dh about it.

she has every right to be happy. she is not responsible for my problems, her being pg isnt the reason that i have such a shit womb, but im really upset about it.

so, yes, IABU but fb is not the place to announce a pg, especially so early. but then im a cynical bitter and barren witch.

OP posts:
Duritzfan · 18/08/2010 19:50

Oh Lissie ...

I had to hide a lot of fb friends when we lost the last baby.. it seemed like everyone on my friends list was getting pregnant Sad

You are so not being unreasonable to be upset and yes OMG she is daft to announce it yet .. Took me til I was 6 months gone this time - and I still feel very nervous that people know..

She clearly has had no problems and thinks its all easy peasy for everyone - and is totally wrapped up in her own world..

Unfortunately people who haven't gone through it will NEVER understand how devastating it is to not be able to get pg or to keep losing babies..

Hide her and protect yourself sweetie.. xxxxxxxxxx

diddl · 18/08/2010 19:50

YABU in that it is up to her how/when she "announces".

However, she is not your friend imo!

Rockbird · 18/08/2010 19:52

I don't see why she is being 'bloody insensitive' and a 'fucking idiot' Hmm. As the OP said, she realises this woman isn't responsible for her problems. So no one is allowed to mention pregnancies in case it upsets someone who might have had a miscarriage (talking generally here)?

She might be a bit daft announcing it so early but to say she's a fucking idiot is ridiculous and makes you (teameric I think) look absurd.

sanielle · 18/08/2010 19:57

yanbu! grrrrr facebok. block her updates

womblingfree · 18/08/2010 20:04

Sorry you've had a rough time. I guess it's up to the individual what they announce on fb I can understand your feelings, and your 'friend' does sound a bit bonkers silly.
Nowhere near as a big a deal as miscarriage, but I had horrendous problems breastfeeding my dd and had to give up after a couple of weeks for my own sanity. One of my old school friends has just had her 2nd dc and every other fb refers to her 'booby feeding'! I can't tell you how much I'd like to tell her what to do with her bloody tits but I guess if that's what she wants to share with hundreds of people on t'internet that's her business!

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 18/08/2010 20:04

thank you all. have removed her. as you said, a friend wouldn't be so insensitive while i was mcing. she knew my history but was prattling on about how frustrated she was and asking me for tips on getting pg. however, i hope everything goes well for her all the same.

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 18/08/2010 20:06

TBF she might just be excited and hadn't even thought about your miscarriages.

nancydrewrocked · 18/08/2010 20:07

It is up to her when and how she announces it.

But YANBU to feel upset and I feel your pain (a 'close' friend of mine sent me a text saying "wohoo we're pregnant" several months after my DS was stillborn. Some people are just fuckwits)

Original poster
TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle · 18/08/2010 20:09

oh, i know i cant expect everyone to tiptoe around me. i do think its a bit odd to announce it on fb so early, but each to their own. suppose i want a sound off.

OP posts:
girlwithsparklyhair · 18/08/2010 20:10

YANBU, what a silly immature way to announce a pregnancy, and having been there and had a mc I know every pregnancy announcement is painful. I am so sorry that you've been through so much xx the only U thing you have said is that you are a barren witch! I hope you will make your own (better timed and better thought out) announcement soon.xx

girlwithsparklyhair · 18/08/2010 20:12

And I had a 'friend' who called me up the week after my MC, which she knew about, to titter that she was pregnant, same stage I had been, and could I be happy for her? I haven't spoken to her since and never will. People can be utter insensitive fuckwits when you miscarry, they really can.x

Rockbird · 18/08/2010 20:12

I think you sound pretty reasonable, understandably upset but realistic. But the oddballs on here calling for tarring and feathering is laughable.

DuelingFanjo · 18/08/2010 20:13

hide her updates. I think it's really odd she would announce it so early but it is up to her.

this is a video I love about infertility, with reference to Facebook.

PussinJimmyChoos · 18/08/2010 20:16

Aww...Sad

I announced mine on facebook but only once family had been told and afaik, there was no-one on my facebook that could be upset by it as I'm very mindful of other people's situations

DH's workmate, who is also friend, cannot have children and its a very sore subject. She is not on my facebook and I am very mindful about how to break the news to her

Some people are not considerate at all though are they

TheDoodler · 18/08/2010 20:23

I do think you need to consider other peoples feelings on FB. An old friend of mine lost twins last year at 18 weeks and a newer friend is currently expecting twins. I never post on her status updates in case my other friend sees - i contact newer friend privately on FB iyswim.

aactionmum · 18/08/2010 20:27

i have a friend who's been trying to have a baby for ages. she's now abroad having her 3rd ivf. she's on my fb list. i hardly ever announce anything to do with my DS, because i don't want to upset her. i also have another friend who had a mc a couple of months ago. so i don't want to upset anyone. my DH has a friend whose DW had a MC while i was pregnant so he is trying to avoid posting any child related status update.

but that's just us. some people want to advertise everything on facebook. your friend seems to be one of them. i also think your "friend" is very very stupid (sorry) and insensitive by asking you questions about conceiving when you had a mc :(

i'd remove her from my friend list and avoid her in RL if i were you.

and no, YANBU.

sloanypony · 18/08/2010 20:31

I'm not sure what Facebook has to do with it really...would you have been less upset if she had phoned you up?

Having said that, she sounds insensitive, and it is early days at 2-3 weeks to be announcing it.

YANBU to be feeling like someone has kicked you in the teeth.

emptyshell · 18/08/2010 20:57

Don't let people make you feel bad for hurting over your miscarriage - it DOES always sting when someone else announces their happy news, and Facebook can really really make the hurt a hundred times worse - believe me, I've adblocked profile photos, I've hidden friends who are posting scan photos in the past... I've even deleted a relative who was up the duff... you do whatever's going to get YOU through the crapness of it all.

She doesn't sound the most sensitive soul in the world with the bugging you with questions immediately after your miscarriage to be honest - but if she's taken the risk to announce it to the world 2 weeks in... her call I guess.

I'm 6 weeks in and we only told a few family members at 5 weeks in case the worst DID go wrong - the people we wanted to have some knowledge of what might have gone on in the event the worst did happen. No way we're shouting it from the rooftops till we're well and truly out of the woods - and because I know just how painful Facebook can be, there's no way I'm uploading a bajillion scan photos on there when I know I have friends who've miscarried or had ectopics (I'll put them online somewhere else and just put a link up so they don't jump up in friends feeds).

I'm just hypersensitive to how bad FB can make you feel though having been there myself recently and it being an incredibly painful experience.

To those bashing the OP - you really really can't imagine how much it can rake the hurt up. Facebook can just make it worse since every time someone comments or likes someone's scan photo - it bounces it right up on your news feed... I remember the day after my miscarriage being greeted by about 3 updates of scan photos and it just shredded me. Very very easy to bash someone who's gone through infertility and miscarriage if you're sitting smugly with your 2.4 kids.

Haliborange · 18/08/2010 21:02

Emptyshell, I really don't think anyone is bashing the OP...

xstitch · 18/08/2010 21:42

Rockbird the 'friend' can be considered insensitive because of the way she quizzed the OP immediately after her mc.

Greenkirtle you are not a barren witch. I completely understand why you are feeling that way at the moment. I have been there more than once. Have you considered counselling? It is horrible to feel so bad.

I'm with many of the others, hide her updates so you don't have to read them.

Meglet · 18/08/2010 21:45

In your position then YANBU and I don't blame you for being pissed off.

Rockbird · 18/08/2010 21:46

That's not what the op is about though, the op is about FB. Absolutely the 'friend' needs a slap for that, but posting about her own life on FB is entirely reasonable.

PinkElephant73 · 18/08/2010 22:28

Ummm.... pg is dated from your LMP, so fertilisation only happens at 2 weeks. You would be unlikely to get a BFP before 3-4 weeks pg earliest. So to announce you are 2 wks pg makes no sense.

So is she announcing that she has had unprotected sex with her OH in the last week or so and may have conceived or is she just ignorant of how you date a pg?

notthisyear · 18/08/2010 22:36

I imagine she is typing in what it said on her clearblue test thingy.

sloanypony · 18/08/2010 22:36

I would suggest she is probably quoting what a Clearblue Digital told her. It says in a window "2-3 weeks" but as far as I am aware what it means is it has been 2-3 weeks since you conceived. Therefore it is the most common result to get if you do a digital test around the time you are overdue.

In medical terms, it means she is 4 weeks pregnant (or in fact 4-5 weeks) which in "real" terms is 2 weeks pregnant (i.e. 2 weeks since you ovulated and got fertilised)

I have had all my BFP's at 9 days after ovulation

Fingers crossed that the OP will soon be announcing her pregnancy on Facebook, Mumsnet, and wherever the hell else she wants! (or not, as she may choose!)

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