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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that some dc are just nasty little shits?

85 replies

bitofadrama · 15/08/2010 14:42

so fed up of both dd's coming home in tears after being told that they are not allowed to play at the local park or "kate" has told every other child in the street that they are not allowed to play with "those freaks" (my dd's)

is it really unreasonable to want to but in or is it best to let them learn how to fight there own battles (6&8)

honestly these holidays have been hell with the feral little brats i have to live near.

OP posts:

Lauriefairycake · 15/08/2010 14:44

yabu

they're not really 'nasty little shits' - they just display nasty, shitty behaviour.

people ain't born nasty.

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/08/2010 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheLifeOfRiley · 15/08/2010 14:46

YANBU in my opinion.

Yesterday I was at the park with ds and he was half way across a horizontal ladder in mid air when a much older girl (about 11) stood behind him and booted him in the bum! DS is 5, still in a buggy and nappies as he is autistic. I'm surprised the whole country didn't hear me shouting at her.

Scootergrrrl · 15/08/2010 14:47

Go with them to the park and see if she tells them not to play in front of you. How old are the children?

Bechka · 15/08/2010 14:48

YANBU.

FallingWithStyle · 15/08/2010 14:49

How horrible. Sorry for your dd's, kids certainly can be nasty little shits.
I dont think interfering helps, just make sure they can talk to you and do your best to help them see this is not their problem but just very poor behaviour in the other children.
You have my sympathies, seeing your children going through stuff like this is really gut wrenching.

TheLifeOfRiley · 15/08/2010 14:50

starlight

lauriefairiecake - that used to be my viewpoint too until it became my ds on the receiving end of this horrid behaviour. How do you stay objective about it when it's aimed at your own dcs? (genuine question)

Original poster

bitofadrama · 15/08/2010 14:51

i do follow them and spy, when i popped out from behind a car yesterday she ran of crying and shouting for her mum before i even opened my mouth

tried expalining to dd's that this just sums up what a weak individual she is/ will only pick on smaller ones etc but i cant follow them there all the time it is only a few doors down and they need to gain some independence.

liking the idea of a sweetie party

hate my children being so sensitive at times like this, i know plenty of adults who can be bitches but what makes little girls turn out like this so soon.

OP posts:

pointydog · 15/08/2010 14:51

AIBU to object to your horrible thread title?

I realise you are angry and frustrated with other children's behaviour but you've gone too far.

FranSanDisco · 15/08/2010 14:52

You do get the odd trying child but most are lovely ime. I had to save ds 7 yo, who was hiding at the top of the helter skelter, from a sparring, shirtless 10 yo last week but ds had called him an idiot. Had to explain to ds that though he was correct he needs to be tactful . Can you think why your dd's are being treated like this in particular? It's hard to keep a cool head, I agree.

Lauriefairycake · 15/08/2010 14:55

"how do i stay objective" - I don't I call them very rude words in my own head and then say out loud sternly "that was very naughty behaviour, leave my kid alone"

moomaa · 15/08/2010 14:56

Hmmm, I do think some kinds are nasty but find they are few and far between. Very very few I would describe with the language you used.

I heard a mum describing my little boy as nasty (she didn't know I was his mum), he is 3 and was hogging the steering wheel on a climbing toy for a bit longer then he probably should have. I equally could have described her kid as wet and pathetic. Maybe you should get yours to be a bit less sensitive and more assertive.

ShadeofViolet · 15/08/2010 14:58

I agree that your wording is a bit harsh, but I agree with your sentiments. At soft play last week DS came to me in tears as a girl had pushed him off the bouncy castle and said he wasnt allowed on.

All I did was took him down myself and said loudly 'Do you want to go on the bouncy castle DS?' and then put him on. The little madam glared at me, although she was old, about 12 I would say, but she said nothing and I just smiled sweetly back.

FallingWithStyle · 15/08/2010 15:01

moomaa - I know you're offering advice and I dont mean to pick holes but it really bothers me when bullied kids are assumed to be at fault in some way. OPs children may not be sensitive. Even if they are then thats no justification for bullying.

thesunshinesbrightly · 15/08/2010 15:01

Totally agree with the OP.

FallingWithStyle · 15/08/2010 15:02

...because the implication is that thye somehow deserve it for being who they are.

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/08/2010 15:03

I know how you feel, but maybe your post was written in the heat of the moment. I could quite cheerfully throttle some of DD's schoolfriends but it is best to just butt out and keep your own counsel. I have on occasions said things to children which I have later regretted - after all, who is the adult? There are children who in the past have been quite horrid to my DD, but who she now thinks of as friends and won't hear a word said against them - I on the other hand know how to bear a grudge .

FranSanDisco · 15/08/2010 15:09

It has been suggested to me that my ds needs to 'toughen up', a sentiment I have never agreed with. However, I do acknowledge that when bullies know your weak spots they aim for them .

pointydog · 15/08/2010 15:11

A child cannot just be toughened up if it is not in their nature.

thesunshinesbrightly · 15/08/2010 15:12

I agree FranSanDisco.

Original poster

bitofadrama · 15/08/2010 15:17

i am just so fed up with it all.

the children concerned come and call on dd's when no-one else to play with but as soon as someone else turns up they get dropped and told to go away (usually with nasty comments made)

i have bitten my tongue so much when they have been at the door as sometimes they can play together for a bit and i dont want to make things worse but its so hard.

OP posts:

elmofan · 15/08/2010 15:22

YANBU - Ds has gone through serious bullying (physical) & as a result suffers from anxiety . So i agree some kids are just nasty .

AgentZigzag · 15/08/2010 15:23

I always want 9 YO DD1 to 'toughen up', but by that I mean that I want her to be able to protect herself from being so hurt when other children are not being little angels.

I try to encourage a healthy sense of sarcasm in her to turn round what they're saying/doing onto them, rather than her feeling it's because she's a crap person that they're not being nice to her.

So if they're saying she's ugly for her to say thank you and laugh if off as if she's taken it as a compliment rather than let them see how much they can hurt her.

It's horrible though when they have to learn the world isn't always a nice place.

FranSanDisco · 15/08/2010 15:26

I know it's hard to see you dcs being treated like this. One of the boys on our road did this to ds before the holidays and I was really cross (more cross than ds ). However, I talked to ds about the behaviour, about how this boy was older and so when a child his own age came along he had more in common etc. I asked ds what he wanted to do if the boy called again and ds was adamant he would play with him, which he has. It's the heirarchy of childhood I suppose.

claw3 · 15/08/2010 15:28

Unfortunately our children have to learn that not everyone is nice.

You cant fight their battles for them, but you can prepare them the best you can.

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