to object to my ds having a tattoo!

[pranma]

My ds started wanting a tattoo on his 15th birthday and I said NO.I kept on saying no until he was too old to listen to me anyway.He kept toying with the idea but as he was 40 in April,is married,has a 10yr old daughter and a responsible position in a publishing firm I supposed it was forgotten.He lives in Turkey now and after a drinking bout with his ds-i-l's boyfriend he has got a ruddy great dragon on his arm!!!!
He emailed me a pic of it.I hate it,I really hate it!!1I know I cant do anything about it but AIBU to object?
He just laughed when he told me and dd thinks its hilarious too.

YABU - as ou say, there's nothing you can do about it, it doesn't really matter whether you (or he!) likes it or not.

YANBU you are fully entitled to object, not that theres any point now! Just nicely ask him to cover it up when he sees you - I think that would a very reasonable request.

You can object but he's a big boy now!! I have tattoos and my parents HATE them.
Wether he has a good job is irrelevant. It's not just people on benefits that have tattoos!

are you even going to see this tattoo a lot anyway? why exactly does it bother you?

hes an adult get over it. Asking him to cover it up....would you like anything else covered up by the general public to revolve around you too?

When I was young only really rough types and sailors[!] had tattoos and I sort of snobbishly thought they looked 'common' now I know that is BU but cant help a deep distaste for them.dd has 2 small ones,ds-i-l has an enormous tattoo on his upper arm and I just hoped ds wouldnt especially as my d steps havent.I am being 'old fashioned' I think.I wont see it often but I will always know it is there.

Hey Queenie-I dont give a damn what the general public reveal or cover up.this is my first[I think AIBU] and it is just a little wonder on a Saturday night-I posted 10 minutes after seeing the flipping thing.Of course he's an adult and equally of course it has nothing to do with me but I think I can still not like something my adult son does.Anyone else have a grown up dc?

I don't have grown up DC's, but I would feel the same as you.

Of course you get no say in it.
Of course he's an adult who can do as he pleases.
Of course he doesn't need your permission.

Doesn't mean you have to like it does it :(

Of course you can object. If you want to sound like a weirdo desperately trying to clutch at some control over her very adult "child".

I expect that you're just like the lovely ladies at my DS's toddler morning who look as though I've just strolled in brandishing a shotgun when I show off my (very pretty) tattoo.

YABU, hes 40 FFS.

however, my idiot bil just got a freaking great skeleton dragon on his arm, it.is.foul.

and why on earth youd do that to you body i have no idea. tit.

im not against tattoos fullstop, i have one, small one on my wrist, its my late brothers name, it helps me feel close to him and helped the 'healing process' when he died.
i really do not get people who get really random gross pictures or slutty girls and so on.

yabu
he is 40!!!
once they are over 18 sod all you can do imo

My BIL had a tattoo for his 40th and MIL blames my sister for 'letting him have it done'

Oh no Spacehopper, please don't swear. You'll reinforce OP's assumption that all tattooed people are potty-mouthed heathens. :)

That's fantastically daft secretskill!

YANBU to dislike it, but there's nothing you can do as he's 40. :)

Yabu.

Aside from the fact he is a 40yo man, tattoos can be beautiful and are something one gets because they want to. You can't begrudge someone something they want.

It's something one chooses, and has to live with, much like choosing a husband or wife, or having children. Or the house they buy. Or the city they live in. Or the job they do. It's chosen, it's there, and it's dealt with. Whether others are happy with your choice days more about them than it does you.

Yabu.

Aside from the fact he is a 40yo man, tattoos can be beautiful and are something one gets because they want to. You can't begrudge someone something they want.

It's something one chooses, and has to live with, much like choosing a husband or wife, or having children. Or the house they buy. Or the city they live in. Or the job they do. It's chosen, it's there, and it's dealt with. Whether others are happy with your choice days more about them than it does you.

I think it will work well, in order to validate a lifestyle choice it's often quite nice to have one relative disapprove about it.
That way he can have someone to rebel against.
You don't have to like it, as long as you still love him it will work out.

Personally I have two tattoos so obviously I have nothing against them. But if you don't like it, you don't like it. So YANBU. But, you would BU if you let it influence your feelings for your son.

Maybe when you actually see it you'll be able to appreciate the hard work and artistry that went into it, or the colours (if it has colours)? I think tattoos are a bit like graffiti; if they're done well they can look really stunning, even if some people might object to them in principle.

YABU, I thought you were going to say he's still 15 but he's 40???!!! Are you serious? Just because you don't like them doesn't mean that other people don't too, it doesn't make them "common" or anything else you may think either.

Nothing would alter my feelings for my son :) For what its worth I love him to bits-I dont like him smoking either and I think he drinks too much but that's just between us-dont tell him :)His wife isnt keen on the tattoo either but as he's waited 25 years I guess he's sure by now.
You know ladies when your dc are adults you dont stop caring about what they do-you just lose the right to attempt to influence them so you have a little moan on here.BMI-it is a black dragon about 4" by 2" and incorporates Chinese letters corresponding to the initials of his dw,dd and himself.I said,'If only you'd had a red heart with 'Mum' in it I might have felt better!'He replied,'Guess who the dragon represents!'I thought that was brilliant.Must polish my flame thrower before next visit to Turkey.

you never stop being mum. I am quite sure when my children get to 40 they will still be my children! - even though I will accept they are adults, own family, own life etc etc, of COURSE. But they'll be my kids until the day I die! And I have no doubt I'd object to such things as tattoos. I'd know I could do bog all about it but I'd still object.

Thanks Hecate-my views exactly.

pranma, with you on this. YANBU to dislike his tattoo, regardless of how old he is.