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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel pissed off about being judged.

94 replies

redderthanred · 12/08/2010 10:53

Because i am being judged and i am pissed off about it.

DD has gone to her fathers for 8 days.
I have used/am using this time to go out and have as much fun as possible.
Cinema, meals out, pubs, friends, shopping, drinking, lots of sex and laying in bed all day ( on my one day off)

Im bloody knackered from it, but ive not had a whole week to myself before and DD is coming up for 5. I never get to go out on a evening without the hastle of a babysitter..
Im just making the most of it.

I have been judged by work collegues, friends and some family. That i should be doing things round the house and not being so hedonistic.

That if they had spare childfree time they would do the garden, or tidy their childs room. Or that they just couldnt be apart from their child that long so it would just never happen.

I am going to tidy my childs room. But not until the day she comes back. And im going to have a lovely tea in the oven for her, and we will have a bath, and read stories and cuddle up and have an early night.

Im just pissed off that people seem to think its ok to judge me for having a little bit of fun and that im a shit parent because of it.

OP posts:

cupcakesandbunting · 12/08/2010 10:55

Tell them to mind their own. You're not doing anything illegal or harmful to others so carry on!

Bloody prissy knickers. They're probably the sort who had Blue Peter badges at school and asked for extra homework.

minibmw2010 · 12/08/2010 10:56

Maybe they are just jealous, but why do they know so much about what you are doing anyway? Just keep those details private and then no-one can judge you ?

harassedinherpants · 12/08/2010 10:56

I'd be pissed off too, so imo YA def not BU!!

I have to confess to being a tad jealous though lol... enjoy your time on your own and don't listen to what everyone else says.

nancydrewrocked · 12/08/2010 10:56

Oh they are sooooo jealous.

Anyone who wants to waste a couple of child free days to "do stuff round the house" needs their head testing.

BAFE · 12/08/2010 10:59

I agree they are jealous.

The best thing you can do now is tell them fantastical stories of what you have been up to and how much sex you had.

DomesticGoddessInTraining · 12/08/2010 11:00

YANBU. I'm off work this week and catching up on stuff round the house while DS is in nursery. I'd much rather be spending my week off doing other things.

It's no-one's business what you do in spare time - just ignore them!

FindingMyMojo · 12/08/2010 11:00

YANBU - and you are having so much fun!!

Just get on with it, share less with colleagues etc & enjoy your brief moment of hedonisim. Don't let the judgyones spoil it by focusing on them. These few days are all about you!

Enjoy

GabbyLoggon · 12/08/2010 11:01

yes, live your own life. Do it your way, within the law. Ignore crits.good luck

HumphreyCobbler · 12/08/2010 11:02

who is saying such unpleasant stuff to you?

I agree, they are just jealous.

Original poster

redderthanred · 12/08/2010 11:02

well, people ask dont they - like ' what have you been up to this week' 'or how come you keep yawning? or 'what are you up to when your DD is at her dads?

And ive just been made to feel like a silly immature girl ( im 31 - just) because ive been doing things.

In trying to defend myself ive said ' well, what else would you do with a few childfree days' and i just get back that it wouldnt cross their minds to go out and do the things i do. - Whats that meant to mean!!!!!!
That if they had spare time they would go home and do housework or something.

Ive dont no housework this week. im living like a student. Im eating rubbish food at silly times. But the day my daughter comes home the house will be spotless and there will be a homecooked - from scratch - with homegrown ingrediants dinner in the oven.

OP posts:

LittleMissHissyFit · 12/08/2010 11:03

your only mistake in all this was to tell these work colleagues what you were doing. It's none of their business.

FoghornLeghorn · 12/08/2010 11:03

Don't defend yourself, let them have the problem and you enjoy your free time.

at what I would give for a childfree couple of days at some point

Original poster

redderthanred · 12/08/2010 11:04

its collegues and few friends and a few family members.

so - a selection of people really.

im not doing anything illegal. Im just going to the cinema and pizza express with friends and stuff. Im just out everynight for 7 nights.
And lots of sex. In the daytime. because i never get to have day time sex anymore.

OP posts:

Fluffypoms · 12/08/2010 11:04

dd is with her dad ffs! besides not their business. have fun.

ZZZenAgain · 12/08/2010 11:05

you've got to be more thick skinned and learn not to care so much what people think of you.

Jsut wears you out going through life trying to live so people will approve of you. How can you be a shit parent for doing things when you dd is not even there but being taken care of by her dad. It's just ridiculous to say you should be doing things round the house. You can do them when she's back

Bathsheba · 12/08/2010 11:06

Things that people say generally tell you more about themselves than yourself...

If they had child free time thats is what THEY would do....

Thats all they are saying. Heck if I had child free time I'd clear up the house, not because I'm boring but because I know it needs done, I find it hare to do when my girls are here, and frankly it would make me mroe happy to site every day in a clean, tidy spruced up house than it would make me happy looking back on some nights out..

But thats ME - I'm almost 40 and have 3 children and a house thats a mess and NEEDS cleared out.

Original poster

redderthanred · 12/08/2010 11:06

well thats what i think. Shes being looked after well and having a fantastic time.
yes -she misses me, and i miss her.
But - hes her dad and she has a good relationship with him.

i cant see im doing anything wrong, but several people seem to think it makes me a crap parent.

OP posts:

CupcakesHay · 12/08/2010 11:07

Screw them - carry on having fun whilst you can! You deserve it!

I'd be tempted to wind them up more with tales of shopping and nightclubbing and being "exhausted" from partying...

ZZZenAgain · 12/08/2010 11:07

presumably the colleagues, family members don't have to even know about the daytime sex if that's the big issue for them.

Just get on with what you want to do and relax.

crisproll2 · 12/08/2010 11:07

People really should keep their noses out! I think its fab that you use the time without your DD to socialise and have fun. My DS goes to his dads for half of the school holidays so I am often on my own. I dont go out loads as I am a bit of a home body (lazy, actually) but enjoy myself in my own way ie. reading, on MN, watching box sets of the West Wing.
The day before DS comes home I do exactly what you do, go back into mummy mode, do lots of cleaning and get organised.
The thing is, I miss my DS so much but you have to just get on dont you? I am only just beginning to be able to enjoy` myself when my DS is away and it has been 6 years now since my ex and I lived together!!
People rarely understand how hard it is to be separated from your DC so I honestly admire you so much for being able to do all those fun things and then you are able to totally focus on your DD when she is with you.
Have fun!
YANBU

Original poster

redderthanred · 12/08/2010 11:16

oh - im not telling people im having lots of day time sex!

lol

apart from a few, very select people. and the whole of mn!

DD's at her dads. its not ideal, and of course id rather be with her. However, that is selfish of me. She should be allowed to spend time with him, without thinking ' poor mummy misses me so much, i cant have fun with daddy, i have to stay with mummy'

So - thats just the situation and i can do two things

stay at home and do things round the house. ( which is what i did last year, because i didnt feel like going out much and focused all my energy on making a home for us)
go out and have a fab time, making the most of the childfree time i have.

It is annoying to me that i can be judged for going to see a film and having a few coctails on the way home.

OP posts:

Lavenderboo · 12/08/2010 11:17

YANBU but you do work with some boring, jealous judgypants. Its not like your doing porn for crack. Have a fun child free time :)

EricNorthmansmistress · 12/08/2010 11:19

Enjoy it! DS is going away with his dad for 2 weeks soon and I'm dying to live the single life again for a while! I would do exactly what you are (without the daytime sex....since my sex buddy is DH!)

UptoapointLordCopper · 12/08/2010 11:19

at the idea of "doing things round the house" !!! In fact I don't tidy up when my kids are not around. I make them tidy up when they come back. Unless it was me (or should it be I) who made the mess... Who are these people? You need right-minded friends.

corlan · 12/08/2010 11:39

I'm jealous - sounds like your colleagues are too!
It would be different if you'd spent loads of money on yourself and your kids were going without but you're just making the most of you freedom - Good luck to you!

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