To feel pissed off about being judged.

[redderthanred]

Because i am being judged and i am pissed off about it.

DD has gone to her fathers for 8 days.
I have used/am using this time to go out and have as much fun as possible.
Cinema, meals out, pubs, friends, shopping, drinking, lots of sex and laying in bed all day ( on my one day off)

Im bloody knackered from it, but ive not had a whole week to myself before and DD is coming up for 5. I never get to go out on a evening without the hastle of a babysitter..
Im just making the most of it.

I have been judged by work collegues, friends and some family. That i should be doing things round the house and not being so hedonistic.

That if they had spare childfree time they would do the garden, or tidy their childs room. Or that they just couldnt be apart from their child that long so it would just never happen.

I am going to tidy my childs room. But not until the day she comes back. And im going to have a lovely tea in the oven for her, and we will have a bath, and read stories and cuddle up and have an early night.

Im just pissed off that people seem to think its ok to judge me for having a little bit of fun and that im a shit parent because of it.

YABU

because you are having way too- much fun

Tell them all to mind their own.

I get the same attitude from some people when the kids go to their GPs so me and DH can go abroad for a week of sun, sea, sex and sleep.

Enjoy your days, do whatever you please and give the middle finger to anyone who judges!

YANBU

Another vote for they are probably jealous. Some people think that if a woman is a mother they are never allowed to have any fun ever again and 'mother' defines you entirely (perhaps because they are not independent enough themselves to break away from this strange ideal society has set for them). You have a child now - as if your life is officially over. It's utter rubbish. And imo it's good for children to know that their parents are real people who have their own agendas as well as being their source of nurture.

Ignore them all and have a good time. I get this from my family too, btw.

Red, your attitude about how you see your DD's relationship with her dad pays you real credit. Good on you! You go and do what you want and bollocks to the snipey comments - you've got your head screwed on right, they've got theirs up their arses.

Red - honest to god the world is full of martyrs - now is the time to learn to ignore them!!

I am very, very impressed that you aren't sitting at home tidying up toys and moping about.

Life is for LIVING.

You have a very healthy attitude to life and it will rub off on your daughter. It is so good for her to see that you are an independent happy person who can have fun and not rely on her, not live through her.

I am impressed.

Please tell them to Fuck Right Off from me as well - do not let them bring you down :)

[There isn't anything wrong with other people who want to spend the time getting the house straight, cleaning out the kids rooms while they are away, sleeping - as long as that's what they want to do, as long as they aren't doing it to be Mummy (or Daddy, though it's much less likely!) Martyr's]

ENJOY

[If you want to make some extra money, I reckon you could make a fortune bottling some of your energy and selling it to the rest of us who are now living vicariously through you, because we are too bloody knackered to do it ourselves!!]

oh dont be fooled. im bloody knackered!!!

shattered. but in a good way. Actually a small part of me wants to stay in and not move from the sofa. But i can do that next week when DD is about.

I do hope my attitude will rub of on DD. Life is for living. AS long as you are safe, and legal.. then i hope she has a bloody fablous time when shes older.

Though dont get me wrong, the other week i was stressing about housework... so...lol

and thanks for the comments about my attitude to her dad. I am actually very very pleased at myself for that. But being the child of divorced parents who made a total hash of it, where neither of them thought of us children i knew i didnt want to do the same for her.

Its been bloody hard work sometimes, to put her and her feelings/needs before my own. Its all too easy to speak for her, or say something is in her best interests when its really in mine - as a way to get at him. I was guilty of that for a month or two.

But i really do put her first. And what she wants first. Heck - i even sent the ex husband a birthday card this year. How bloody good is that!

YANBU. I'd do MORE fun stuff if I were you. See if you can make at least one of them faint from sheer jealousy. Good for you.

Your respond to their "I'd spend my time doing housework and preparing for my child's return" should have been "Really? That's the best you can think of to do with free time? How dull!" (delivered with a big, slightly confused, smile)

They sound right boring twats with no sense of fun.

Bugger them!

oh dont be fooled. im bloody knackered!!!

I feel much better knowing that :)

[Why did you name change??]

eh???

YADefNBU.

My ds doesn't see his father but he is going to stay with my mum and sis at mums caravan for 4 days after next week.

This is because I have booked to go and see a West end show with a friend (to celebrate our birthdays).

He will be driven by me a 2 hour journey and then will swim, get filthy and party til late a the disco eating crap for a few days before he returns with my sister.

I will be doing a 4hour round triup to take him, having a bath and shaving my legs before bed, then hairdressers in the morning (voucher from collegues for birthday), going to london, meeting collegue next day for cake and coffee then optitions appointment. The wednesday I will do as you do tidy house, get him clean bedding pjs and his favourite dinner!!

And if anyone makes me feel guilty I shall point out thats the only 3 days this year I will not have ds.

Red - was the 'Eh' aimed at me??

You don't seem like 'a newbie', you seem sort of comfy & familar :) I just wondered if you'd name changed because they made you feel so bad about what you were doing?

Mumbar - they can only make you feel guilty if you let them :)

Sounds like you have had a fab time, good for you. I think it sounds great.

People who spend all their spare time tidying houses etc don't have any time for the fun things, and can't we tell, yawn.........

chipping - yes it was.

Yep - have been on here about 3 years. lurked for a year prior to that.

Fancied a total name change that was all - nothing to do with ' them' i think they use netmums!!! hahahahahahaha

can I ask why being at her father's is deemed as not ideal by these people?

i think it was more of that they couldnt bear to be apart from their child for that long.
and that, i should be moping about the place waiting for her return.

and because im not. im crap

hey ho - i dont care. im now off to the bump and will be working, hungover tomorrow. !!!!

Oh my god they are so jealous!

If it makes you feel any better I was signing contracts for DD's nursery today, have been a SAHM for years and they mantioned they are open on christmas eve. My immediate response was 'Ooh I can go to DH's christmas eve lunch for the first time in years!!'
She said 'well, most people use it for wrapping presents and sorting the house...but that sounds lke a much better idea!'

I am also putting DD2 into ft nursery a day before I need her to so I can go out for the day with DH.
Fuck them.

PUB
not bump

I think people like to bash single mums sometimes, I was one for many years and had so many bitchy comments, I think a lot of it is jealousy.

dont take things to heart or be so touchy,enjoy your child free time.watch dvd uninterrupted and to hell what anyone else thinks

i know exactly how you felt,,recently a co worker gave me a hard time bcoz i went back to work for a few days while my husband was taking care of our DD who is 4 months,,im gonna be home for a whole year,she told me that my DD didn't need her daddy as much as she needed me,,where did she get that from,,i told her it was ok to leave DD for a while and have some alone time,she was horrified,told me i was not a good mom,she has no man or child but was so ready to pass judgement,,

my response was to tell her to mind her own business,,and fuck off...

later than afternoon she told my husband that we had named our DD after a very popular murderer,,a woman called JEZEBEL,,in the bible,,and on and on,,DH hubby was surprised that i didn't know since i am a christian,,i got pissed off,,told her i didnt give a rat's ass what my DD's name was,bcoz she was mine and gorgeous,that was good enough for me,,and she didn't need to worry herself about me,and my family,,

i went home being the victor,,people will
only make you feel terrible if you let them.

and DD's name IS NOT JEZEBEL.

and have a wonderful time without your DD,,that DOES not make you a terrible mum,JELOUS people..