To have politely "had a go at" this stranger on the train.

[BextheBambi]

Ok, bit of background. I'm quite an alternative looking woman, have a bit of a babyface and quite a few piercings. I understand that to some people piercings and tattoos are quite intimidating, mine are all quite small and silver. I don't want to be too "in your face". I'm also 7 1/2 months pregnant and it shows very prominently.

Anyway, after walking the length of the train to find a seat because all business men seem to try and avoid eye contact, so they don't have to give up their precious seat, I finally find a seat opposite this woman. She's an older business lady.

As I sit down she looks me up and down, tuts very loudly and proceeds to give me a look that I can only discribe as being "utterly disgusted". Now, at this point in time I'm very hormonal, achy and tired so I decided to ask her what exactly her problem was.
To which she answers "well you're hardly going to be a responsible mother" and that is verbatim. the guy next to me's mouth practically hits the floor.

AIBU to have said "I don't really think you can judge that just by looking at me. My apperance doesn't tell you anything. You'll probably be dissappointed to know that I'm not the product of 'your taxs' and actually come from a middle class background. Shock Horror"

YANBU - and you didn't even swear so really NBU at all.

Mind you, she'll probably write a letter to the DM now about the manners of pierced young women on trains, from DIsgusted of Tunbridge Wells...

Good for you - in fact i think you showed admirable restraint! What a ghastly vile woman. I hope she felt ashamed of herself. Poor you - just what you need when you're feeling tired and hormonal.

I sincerely hope you threw in some swear words with that and possibly threw something at her. What a hideous woman!

YANBU!

I was quite impressed I didn't swear to be honest, it did take every ounce of self control I had though.

I was so shocked by what she said though, I really can't understand how someone could be that narrow minded, it's not like I'm going to pierce my baby's eyebrow when it's born.

You are my hero of the day
Good for you x

I wish you'd just said this much:

""I don't really think you can judge that just by looking at me. My apperance doesn't tell you anything."

The rest was unnecessary.

You're obviously not going to be a good mother?

What the fucking fuck?

I might have sworn at her actually. Although I probably would have just ignored her when she did her weird disapproval face and assumed she had some kind of weird facial tic.

Imagine if you had a cat's bum mouth facial tic? That would be unfortunate. Especially if you were a very easygoing person. It would be like being Ray, the man afflicted with a sarcastic tone of voice. No matter what you did everyone would think you were being judgey :o

No no really well done for not swearing, that would just have added grist to her mill.

Congratulations several times over, Bex. Not least for finding the nutter on the train and dealing with her so competently. Bet she thinks twice before sharing evidence of her inability to think with strangers again.

What a vile bitch she is. How fucking dare she judge!!!

If both of you were standing in front of me and I had to pick one of you as my child minder I know which I would chose, every day of the week. Your DC is going to be lucky to have you as mum, you sound gorgeous.

You showeed incredible restraint. I think I would have just thumped her one.

Exactly what I'm hoping Spacehopper. Being slightly hypocritical I imagine her to be the type of mother who maticulously plans her DC's day and make sure they dont ascosiate(sp?) with roughians.

I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of swearing at her, I figured that way more of the people eavesdropping would re-consider theor first thoughts of me.

Probably didn't help either that I got off at Camden Station

The guy sitting next to me did mutter "that showed her" after she looked very shocked that

1. I'd answered back and
2. I was MIDDLE CLASS!!!! oh my what has the world come to.

Ugh.

I'd have sworn at her, how dare she! Not only is it prejudiced, it's unbelievably RUDE!

The one thing I loathe is rudeness. You showed real restraint by not responding with similar rudeness.

Sorry, 1 handed...

I think you did really well, however looking back on it I'm womdering why you mentioned "being middle class" in your defense.

Should it ever happen again mention something to really upend her - your very stable marriage, your suiccessful career, your education..

Your point was that she can't judge your ability to be a stable mother on your looks - being middle class doesn't really answer her assertion whilst being in a stable loving relationship where you can provide for yourself and your child does

Good for you!
I'm impressed with your restraint, particularly while pregnant.I found myself regularly shouting/cussing/swearing at anybody who dared to cross me and my huuuuuuge bump!
Funny getting off at Camden though

She was a silly cow and well done for responding, but having piercings does lead people to make these judgements as they are external and for all to see and judge. So I wonder why you do it? It is a statement and most people have left those statements behind by the time they reach adulthood haven't they? No judgements here but like most decisions we make about our appearance they are the first point of communication to others....if you have french manicured hands and feet or hair extensions or a Juicy tracksuit, no make or tons....

Just curious. And saying 'because I like it' is not really enough, alternative styles of dress and appearance do say something....

Yeah, I realise that now, in the heat of the moment I think what went through my head is would she be so judging if she knew that.

I know now, if I should ever see her again, I will mention stable relationship, job and education.

I am now fully prepared to tackle any prejudice against me .

Good for you.

To be honest, the stupid women made a fool of herself displaying how petty, insecure and small minded she is.

Good for you. I would havesaid something about her parents obviously doing a disgraceful job in teaching her manners!

well done. i have only my ears pierced (twice) but have 2 tattoos and the looks i get are just fantastic. at the toddler group i attend with my ds the cats bum mouths are on parade if i happen to show them off. it makes me a bad mum you see.

class doesn't make a difference, but then neither do body choices, modified or not modified.

well done for taking a stand.

wow you did well to be so restrained. if you'd had a right go at her it only would've 'proved her right' and she would've been more smug.

I hate it when people judge based on appearances

Posie parker, I personally do it to myself because I think opnions about tattoos and piecings are slowly changing and becoming more "the norm". I like to wear my personality on the outside rather than keep it on the inside.

I learnt from my experiences that if I dont like to be judged then I shouldn't judge others, I know not everyone thinks like that, so if i see someone with a Croydon facelift, juicy velour tracksuit and an orange face I'm not going to automatically assume their going to be mouthy...However if they then say "I really want a baby, that way i get my own house innit" I'm sorry i cant help myself I'm going to hang my head in shame and judge.