To have politely "had a go at" this stranger on the train.

[BextheBambi]

Ok, bit of background. I'm quite an alternative looking woman, have a bit of a babyface and quite a few piercings. I understand that to some people piercings and tattoos are quite intimidating, mine are all quite small and silver. I don't want to be too "in your face". I'm also 7 1/2 months pregnant and it shows very prominently.

Anyway, after walking the length of the train to find a seat because all business men seem to try and avoid eye contact, so they don't have to give up their precious seat, I finally find a seat opposite this woman. She's an older business lady.

As I sit down she looks me up and down, tuts very loudly and proceeds to give me a look that I can only discribe as being "utterly disgusted". Now, at this point in time I'm very hormonal, achy and tired so I decided to ask her what exactly her problem was.
To which she answers "well you're hardly going to be a responsible mother" and that is verbatim. the guy next to me's mouth practically hits the floor.

AIBU to have said "I don't really think you can judge that just by looking at me. My apperance doesn't tell you anything. You'll probably be dissappointed to know that I'm not the product of 'your taxs' and actually come from a middle class background. Shock Horror"

Posieparker "if you have french manicured hands and feet or hair extensions..." - did anyone else read that as some people possibly having feet extensions?

...sorry, back to the pack, I agree it was very ignorant, rude and small-minded of her to say anything at all.

Having said that [this is not aimed at OP but a general observation) I do get a little annoyed by people who dress 'alternatively' for the sole purpose of getting a reaction and then are surprised or offended when they get one. I don't think this was the case here though, ignorant lady should keep her thoughts to herself, and as SITMWY said she only really showed herself up.

Don't know what being middle class has to do with it though...

D

YANBU

Sorry but the human being first makes a judgement based on appearance, might not be fair but it is true. And perhaps you fight against it and deny the judgement but I am assuming your DP/DH was physically attractive before you met?

The only thing, for sure, a piercing or tattoo says is 'look at my piercing/tattoo' especially a tattoo, it is carefully thought about and pain is endured at the very least those on show are for people to see and receive some sort of message.

I'm regretting saying the midlle class bit, I did when I wrote it down, My head just suddenly went into baby brain over-drive and picked any old thing and went "yeah, say that". It's now doing the "why did you listen to me? why on earth did you say that? It makes no sense"

YANBU. You rock!

Lots of judgy pants on here today as well as on the trains aren't there. I have no piercings apart from the "socially acceptable" hole in each ear nor do I have any tattoos but only because I'm a big wimp about needles and tend to change my mind more often than my socks.

Perhaps people do it because of how they FEEL or what the tattoo means to them personally, not because they necessarily want to make a statement and shock people. I watched London Ink and while there were people who seemed to feel the need to get every square inch of skin covered with tattoos that in all honesty looked very unattractive it was absolutely fascinating to hear the stories behind each drawing, the people who just wanted one or two to remind them of someone close.

Most people who dress "alternatively" aren't actually thinking about how much they can shock people in the street, as they get dressed in the morning.

People have many different reasons for dressing in different ways. Some may do it for a reaction from strangers, most have far more complicated reasons for it.

Many people I know who have tattoos, got them to mark an important event in their lives or to honour some kind of philosophy they admire.

Lots of my friends have tattoos, some in their hair/head so it would cover when they no longer wanted to make that statement, quite a few have Tattoos that you only see when they're in a state of undress. And I'm not saying it's wrong anyway but I do think facial piercings make a statement. And I think it's rubbish that the choice to dress differently is largely to be different.

Sorry is not mostly about being different.

Dressing 'alternatively' is a moveable feast as well. Where I live in suburbia I'm seen as a bit boho at the school gate because I throw on the nearest clothes and they often happen to be skinny jeans and converse.

When I'm at a festival however I look ludicrously 'square' for want of a better word though so its all in the context isnt it.

But well done for saying something and not just looking cross as I would have done.

I do understand where your coming from, I'm fully aware that how I dress can effect how people see me, this is the thing though, I really didnt think I'd dressed to scare you can't even get that many alternative materity clothes. All i was wearing was a t-shirt, jeans and some trainers. None of my tattoos were on show either. So all she really had to go on was my piercings and my hair.

I was just curious...even if you had that vile wool woven into your hair, twenty facial piercings, tattoos all over your neck and arms, tie dye dress with holes in, multi coloured doc martins and a bandana made out of wire noone has a right to say what she said.

Some people base all of their self-worth on feelin superior to others though. They like to categaroise (sp?) everybody they meet into nice little stereotypes which they can then look down on.

Oh, you don't have to worry Spacehopper5 I won't be changing anytime soon. My DP wouldn't allow it when he met me I had bright pink hair in a chelsea girl style, I've toned myself down alot since then, much to his dismay. hehe

well done BextheBambi on your witty come back and showing restraint at this woman's tactless and bitchy remark :o

sadly i completely understand how it feels to be judged by snotty ass bitches like that as both me and my partner are tattooed and pierced, it really is shocking how many times that people have felt its thier right to come up to both mine and my dp's faces and express their views about something that has f*ck all to do with them, it can be most upsetting when they choose to do this when i am actually with my so or daughter

oops son not so :o

"And saying 'because I like it' is not really enough"

Yes it is.

You were amazingly well-restrained, Bex; have you considerd a job for the Diplomatic Service?

I love the atitude that as soon as you turn twenty we should all don tweed, twinsets and pearls.

Reminds me of the time I was in a cafe, way back, when my eldest Ds was a baby. I was struggling with a tray, shopping and a buggy, along came two 6ft+ punk rockers, piercings, mohicans and tattoos on every visable bodypart one grabbed my tray another the buggy found me a table, parked a highchair next to me and waved of the gratitude I heaped apon them. So after that I never judge anyone

WOW - there is something about that train that can make some people outrageously rude! Good for you for saying something!

My DH regularly commutes to London and often comes back with some tale or other about obnoxious people.

Maybe it is because he looks slightly alternative, too? Long hair etc. It has visably pissed people off one more than one occasion for them to find out what he does for a living.

I took my son to the seaside on the train last week and came back on a packed commuter train for part of the journey. I was quite shocked [given my husband account] at how nice people were to me (offering seats to my son and myself (I respectfully refused - we are were both very capable of standing) and being kind to my son - this was the business people, too. Must be a nicer lot - those who work in Bath rather than London!

ohhhh well said Spacehopper5 you are a keyboard warrior :o

Miz, DP and me are what many people would consider to be silly ald goths. Sometimes if me or my chap help a stranger (hold open a door, help a lost child etc) people can look really suprised. I do wonder what they thought of us before hand