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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be FURIOUS at Dh for quitting his job?

88 replies

scouserabroad · 07/08/2010 13:48

Well it's in the title really... Dh came home from work yesterday & said that he'd given them a month's notice because he hates his job. He won't be entitled to unemployement benefit because he left his job voluntarily, and he's not got another job to go to.

We have two small DC, and I have recently finished retraining after being a SAHM and now work full time but it's only a temp contract.

Now HE'S in a mood because I was angry (I didn't shout or anything, but he somehow guessed I was angry!) and he says he didn't need to warn me he was quitting because it's his decision. I don't disagree BTW, but he could have stayed at work until he found something else, or until I did.

AIBU to be fuming at him? Or should I be more supportive?

OP posts:
Firawla · 07/08/2010 13:50

yanbu!!!! extremely irresponsible of him, its not just himself he has to think of but dcs too. He should have found something else before quitting

stepmumtoone · 07/08/2010 13:52

ShockYA DEF NBU. with the job market as bad as it still is at the moment its unlikely he will find anything in a month whilst still working, how is he planning to support his DCs? with no job and no entitlement to benefits for 16weeks after he left?
IMO he should ask them if there is anyway to retract his notice

JuicyLips · 07/08/2010 13:55

Yanbu I would be cross too. If he had another job lined up it would be a different matter, or if they had done something unacceptable than maybe understandable. What is he planning to do now?

Lulumaam · 07/08/2010 13:55

I think major life changing decisions that will have a potentially very negative and stressful impact on the family need discussion, and you should be allowed to be angry when such decisions ae made without any consultation. YANBU

what field does he work in?

even if he was desperately unhappy, the sensible thing woudl be to at least wait until something else was in the pipeline or you had a permanent contract. or both !

laweaselmys · 07/08/2010 13:55

Fair enough to quit if he hates it. But he should have found another job first!!

YANBU. And you should be having words as well. Justified blazing row point.

BigBoldAndBeautiful · 07/08/2010 13:55

My God! I would be livid, absolutely of the hook about his actions.

It speaks volumes about his lack of respect towards you that he didn't even consider you were worth telling. So sorry :(

I would be seriously wanting to know how he came to this decision and what he is planning to do to find work (and quickly). I would also be thinking about whether this kind of behaviour is indicative of the state of the relationship.

Wanttofly · 07/08/2010 13:55

YABU

You should be more supportive. If it was you who had to stay in a job you hated til you found something new how would that make you feel?

You dont own your DH he is free to choice where he works.

I would be more concerened if he did not look for another job.

Dr Phil said something that i total agree with " You work 9 hours a day at a job then you should work 9 hours a day to found a job".

He will have to take anything else that comes up to support his family and he has 4 weeks to find a new job in.

But you shouldnt make him feel worse than he already does. To quit like that it has to be pretty bad in the first place.

Hassled · 07/08/2010 13:56

He doesn't really seem to have got the whole "working together as a team" thing, has he? I'm amazed and impressed that you didn't shout - there would have been a lot of shouting here.

Can you sit down with a list of income and expenditure, both as it is now and as it will be if your contract isn't renewed? Does he need the cold hard facts before he realises the stupidity of what he's done?

Is there any possibility he was sacked and is lying about the quitting thing?

LadyintheRadiator · 07/08/2010 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emmab5 · 07/08/2010 13:58

YADNBU i'm not surprised that you are angry - he has 2 small DC and family responsibilities to consider. Lots of people feel fed up with their jobs at times but to hand in his notice without discussing with you 1st or having alternative employment plans is shocking IMO

Have you talked about how you are going to cope financially?

Angry on your behalf

Hassled · 07/08/2010 13:58

Wanttofly - I don't agree at all. When you have DCs you have responsibilities - yes, if you hate a job then your partner should support your decision to look elsewhere, but you don't jump ship without somewhere to go. You grin and bear it.

tiredfeet · 07/08/2010 14:01

YANBU. I quit my job last year but only after enormous amounts of discussion with DH. A big decision like that should be discussed jointly and planned for, you are entitled to be furious that he made the decision without any discussion with you.

emmab5 · 07/08/2010 14:03

Totally agree with LadyintheRadiator and Hassled irresponsible and selfish

trefusis · 07/08/2010 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Wanttofly · 07/08/2010 14:07

i would be more supportive to my husband and i would not make him work in a job he hated. I would expect my husband to undrestand and support me if i did the same.

I would also take any job that came up to support my family, cleaning, washing windows, car washing, any thing to pay the bills and feed my child until i found a new better job.

So i think its ok to leave a job if its realy bad, he has told his wife and he will get another.

The team work is finding him a new job.

diddl · 07/08/2010 14:08

Blimey, if my husband did this, he certainly wouldn´t be the manI thought.

How blöödy irresponsible.

Can´t believe he didn´t discuss it with you.

Was he sacked?

tribpot · 07/08/2010 14:09

YANBU. He can't just unilaterally decide to halve the family's income, any more than you could. This is a joint decision.

That said, I hope he can find work soon, is it likely?

LynetteScavo · 07/08/2010 14:10

I know 2 men who have done this in RL. both wives were Angry but both men found new jobs quickly enough, but doing something very different from before. All was well.

YANBU to be furious, but neither was he unreasonable to quit. Trust him.

Hope your DH finds something soon!

Minxie1977 · 07/08/2010 14:11

It's not his decision, he's not a single man - you are a family - he has responsibilities. I'd be furious and seriously question my relationship if DH did this.

TheProvincialLady · 07/08/2010 14:12

In the current economic climate it is worse than stupid to quit a job because you hate it, without having something else to go to. New jobs are not just waiting there for the OP's husband to walk into.

veritythebrave · 07/08/2010 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumaam · 07/08/2010 14:14

disagree, iwanttofly

the team work is not finding him a job.. it's sucking up having a job you don't like and supporting each other and discussing things, as when you have children and bills and mortgage, you can't just quit.

that's not adult. that's not mature. it's not reasonable

the teamwork can't be about blind alleigance to each other, and not being allowed to be angry at rash and foolhardy decisions

weegiemum · 07/08/2010 14:16

Are you sure he quit and wasn't sacked? Easier to tell you he quit cod he hated it than he was sacked for misconduct, for example?

benbenandme · 07/08/2010 14:16

Please don't take this the wrong way but are you sure theres not more to this? Could something have happened (disciplinary procedure for example) that he doesn't want to tell you about and so he's saying he's chosen to leave?

LIZS · 07/08/2010 14:18

yanbu He has no right to throw a strop just because you didn't agree with his impulsive action. Unless he already has something else lined up, it is so much easier to find work if you are in work iyswim. Gaps on cvs simply don't look good and require explaining. Tell him he has a month to find something and to galvanise himself into action now(cv, applications etc).