to be FURIOUS at Dh for quitting his job?

[scouserabroad]

Well it's in the title really... Dh came home from work yesterday & said that he'd given them a month's notice because he hates his job. He won't be entitled to unemployement benefit because he left his job voluntarily, and he's not got another job to go to.

We have two small DC, and I have recently finished retraining after being a SAHM and now work full time but it's only a temp contract.

Now HE'S in a mood because I was angry (I didn't shout or anything, but he somehow guessed I was angry!) and he says he didn't need to warn me he was quitting because it's his decision. I don't disagree BTW, but he could have stayed at work until he found something else, or until I did.

AIBU to be fuming at him? Or should I be more supportive?

If he´s being angry with you, rather than apologetic, I can´t help feeling he was sacked.

OMG I would tear strips off DH if he did this!! Then I would mince him into tiny pieces and feed him to the dogs. And that's just for starters.

If you don't like your job, you look for a new one, and suck up the one you have in the meantime, especially if you have a family to support.

What a selfish, irresponsible, completely nobbish thing to do!

Wanttofly - if my DH hated his job, I would support him in every way I could to find a new job, and I would expect the same in return. If he just chucked it in on a whim without discussing it with me, I would kill him. Any big decision which will negatively impact the whole family needs to be discussed and acted on together, not alone. Her DH wasn't being supportive of the family by leaving his job, especially since her job is temporary, so why should she be supportive now?

OP, once you've minced him into tiny bits, then you will need to suck it up to some extent and help him find a new job. Maybe he's being so defensive out of guilt?

Why did he resign?

What did he say to you?

Did you know he felt like this for a long time?

I would be disconcerted, worried etc, but in reality; a happy husband is more important to me.

That sounds easy, but my DH was diminished, reduced and depressed by a job he hated to the point that it was life threatening (both physically and mentally).

You consider him good enough and responsible enough to be the father of your children; the reason he's snapping and angry is that he's scared too.

I don't think he will have taken the decision lightly.

Dh did this. I was livid. I knew he was very unhappy because we had talked about it, and he had his cv updated on sites. but one day he just flipped, lost it and told them to stuff it.
I was so mad. when you have responsibilities, you just can't do this.
it took nearly 3 months to get a new job. was hard financailly, but not crippling. we managed.

he knows what he did was wrong. you have told him how cross you are. so don't keep going on about it, becasue that won't help anyone. but make him work his arse off , cv and agencies wise, to get another job asap.

how happy will he be penelope, if he's unemployed for months, no income, and the family get into arrears and could lose their house? doubt he would be happy then.

reality as an adult is doing something you don't like whilst looking for a viable alternative. bills still need paying whilst he takes a stand or takes the moral highground

i agree with PTD

You said it better than me

It has to be realy bad for a father to just resign or he is a twat.

Tbh I'm thinking about taking the DC & going to stay with my mum as I can't stand the sight of Dh today! I would have been 100% supportive of his decision to quit IF we had an alternative income, but we haven't really. And I do think he should have told me first, just so's I knew what was happening.

I don't know if he was sacked, it is possible. He's not the kind to be sacked though, he's never late, works well, not the kind of person to have fights etc. But I used to work in the same place, and I know that his boss can be very unreasonable, and if he sacked Dh I would have been more understanding that I am now!

Dh hasn't been happy for a while (due to unreasonable boss!) and has been looking for another job without success. I would never have thought that he'd just quit without warning like that, especially as he knows it isn't going to be that easy finding something else.

My own contract finishes in a few weeks but I've had a couple of offers for temp work, so that's a start & I will hopefully find something more stable. Because of course if Dh is at home then that solves the childcare issue Bear with me while I try to cheer myself up...

Have you tried talking to him about it?

What is his plan?

could he take back the resignation?

sorry but i wouldn't run away, you need to talk this throu and work a way round it with your husband.

My DH is the most responsible person I know (on this Earth) Lulu. He "soldiered" on and suffered terribly.

Unfortunately, he may be unemployed for months (my Husband was); the Home may be at risk (it was).Bills still need to be paid (they did).Better that than him dangling at the end of a rope.

It's covered in the "For better, for worse" bits of the marriage vows (in my case anyway).

Ahh. The clue's in what you said about the unreasonable boss. I used to have one of those, he made me have a breakdown in the end :(

Bosses like that can undermine you so badly, you can't get another job whilst you're under their terror regime - I tried for 2 years but, even when I managed to be considered for one (which was hard enough, as my confidence was in tatters), my boss sabotaged it at the 'informal reference' stage

Sometimes the only thing to do is kill the job before it kills you. I'd move heaven & earth to help DH get himself back asap, and use his freedom to find a better place.

thank you all for replying, I've calmed down now :)

I'm really not happy, but not going to leave him or anything (yet!). I do think he's been irresponsible and I don't think his job was really that bad, his boss is a grumpy old man but he's grumpy with everyone, not just Dh. That said I don't know exactly what happened as Dh won't talk about it. He says it isn't my business. I'm going to fight the urge to say "yes it bloody well is my business because " That wouldn't help I don't think.

I'll take the DC out for the rest of the afternoon instead.

I'm so tired of this relationship, I really am.

Nailed it on the head ItsGrace.

Exactly my DH's circumstance. One day he walked and came back home and said "I've quit".

It's hard to fill a £90k gap in your income overnight; but loosing my husband would have left a bigger gap in my life.

I know my husband would live in a cardboard box with me and children than not have me here at all. I would do no less for him.

"For richer or poorer and in sickness and health"

Jobs come and go but you only have one family.

You're right Grace, that's the only thing to do now. Dh doesn't come across as having lost his confidence, but I suppose it could all be a front though.

Let him calm down for a bit.

But it is your business and he needs to tell you what happened if he wants your support.

I would leave if he didnt tell me what was going on.

How can you trust him if he will not explain it to you?

You have a right to know what is happening.

He needs to talk to you.

My dh has done this twice and both times I've been nothing but supportive and he's found another job within days. Once he was still being paid till the end of the month and had started the next job.

I didn't want an unhappy husband and I knew that he would do everything in his power to bring in some money.

Having said that I have told him that I'm not prepared to go through the worry again and if he's in a similar situation he'll have to suck it up.

Is your dh a creative type by any chance?

You know, I started a thread recently about whether I was unreasonable to cut my hours despite my husband not wanting me to (I'm the main breadwinner) and the resounding consensus was that I was completely in the right.

So he didn't want me to cut my hours, but I hate my job and miss my sweet toddler, and so it was fine for me to do so.

What's the difference here? Just different posters?

I assume he fully supported you in your decision to be a SAHM so why is it so different the other way round?

HappyMummyofOne, the difference presumably is that the OP will have discussed her decision to become a SAHM with her dh beforehand and they will have looked at their expenditure to see that it was affordable. She presumably did not come home from work one day and say, "Honey, guess what, I quit!"

I resigned from my job when I realized that my new (and very unreasonable) director, who had no background in our field, and no clue what we were really doing, showed signs of wanting to handpick her own team from past colleagues of her....

Trust your dh. He might not feel ready to talk about it yet. Sometimes it is a question to throw in your towel while you still have your dignity intact.

It is better on your cv to have left voluntarily, and easier to give references if you have decided to leave/change career before the decision has been made to let you go.

So he gave his work a months notice of leaving the job... Could he not have given his family some kind of 'heads up'.

We ALL have to do things we don't like, whether we have family or not.

The responsible thing to do would be to get a better job, THEN leave the one you hate...

Does this DH not READ newspapers???? Has he not noticed the economical climate out there????

He'd better get himself a damned good job and fast... How DARE he put the family unit at risk... and for what a job he hates... pathetic....

Incidentally, I'd say the same to anyone, regardless of family or responsibilities. It's just basic common sense, unless you are independently wealthy...

I was bullied for 6 months in my last job before having DS, but I stuck it out cos I was pg... Was unfairly dismissed at the end of it all, but got a pay out...

Tortoise, the difference is that you at least spoke to your DH about it, at least you had a dialogue, and it wasn't sprung on your family as a done deal.

YANBU he is a prize twat

My DH did this nearly 2 years ago. Still no jobs. He spends hours on web looking for jobs, rarely goes out, and I believe is becoming seriously depressed.
I work, but is not regular nor secure.
We have two young DCs.
Our life is not easy now, and I believe he is almost as unhappy as he was when he worked in an admittedly fairly rubbish job. My job is the same. I don't feel I have the luxury to give up tho' cos someone has to work.
I enjoyed looking after DCs, he doesn't.
Is altogether a lose-lose.
Would have preferred a bit of discussion before finding self in this position.
OP I hope it works out better for you!

The thing is- prepared to be flamed here- how bad can any job actually be (assuming you're not being beaten daily?)

Even if your boss is the meanest, most dismissive bully in the world, isn't it easier to just do the mental equivalent of "la la la, can't hear you, you are a twat and I don't care what you think about me" whilst cashing the cheques and looking for something else. It's actually bloody hard to get sacked so going through the motions whilst you get something else is not that hard.

If it's so easy to get another job, then surely the OP's DH would have got one by now, if he's been unhappy for a while. It's a sad truth that it's a lot easier to get a job when you've got a job, especially in this environment.

OP- YANBU