to be FURIOUS at Dh for quitting his job?

[scouserabroad]

Well it's in the title really... Dh came home from work yesterday & said that he'd given them a month's notice because he hates his job. He won't be entitled to unemployement benefit because he left his job voluntarily, and he's not got another job to go to.

We have two small DC, and I have recently finished retraining after being a SAHM and now work full time but it's only a temp contract.

Now HE'S in a mood because I was angry (I didn't shout or anything, but he somehow guessed I was angry!) and he says he didn't need to warn me he was quitting because it's his decision. I don't disagree BTW, but he could have stayed at work until he found something else, or until I did.

AIBU to be fuming at him? Or should I be more supportive?

'the implication that the OPs husband will automatically kill himself from job stress honestly doesn't do her any favours.'

you don't have a clue, either, what her circumstances are, but the implication in your post that if her husband commits suicide it's her fault due to not being supportive of his walking out of the job is, IMO, as any offense you may have found in my post.

but carry on being personally insulting.

it's become very commonplace around here.

What are you talking about? I said nothing of the sort.i was relating a story about a family man, who was a friend and neighbour of mine who left a wife and 2 young children.As an illustration of how desperate crappy working situations can make people.You saw fit to make fun of a very sad situation by aping my post

You saw it as making fun. And got insulting in response. Immediately.

This thread isn't about you, however.

Scouser, I hope things are calmer now and you two are talking about the future.

ItsGrace - so sorry to hear about your dealings with your old boss, funnily enough I had a similar experience working in the media but for a woman. All the complaints I made were ignored too. I wasn't married and was young at the time but after a weekend of crying/breakdown from leaving the office on a friday and not stopping until Tuesday morning I discovered an inner strength and handed in my notice which I should have down earlier. I completely ballsed up all interviews afterwards for a good couple of years. In the end I went off to visit my best friend who had moved across the world for six weeks. Not a solution for everyone but OP if he really has been having a hard time with the boss he may just have snapped.

thanks all for replying :)

I once had a job where I used to feel sick every day on the bus going into work because I hated it so much so I do understand what it's like. I quit, and never looked back. Only difference is, I was 18, single, no DC, and we weren't in the middle of a recession.

We do have savings, and we went through a difficult patch financially a few years ago. We survived then, and we'll survive now even if it isn't easy. It's just so miserable scraping by and having to worry about every last penny and I don't want to go back to that. That sounds selfish doesn't it?

I just wish he'd spoken to me first. He didn't say anything because he knew I'd try to stop him from quitting until he found something else. Or until I found another job, I have been a SAHM (sort of had to be; moved countries, 2 DC within 15 months) but I've retrained & should hopefully be employable now! Dh doesn't really think I should have a say in what he does, it's a cultural thing I think.

FWIW I don't for one moment think that Dh is being bullied at work, it's just that his boss is a PITA. Imagine a guy who owns and runs a company, and the company has been his whole life for the past 40 years. He has to micromanage everyone, spends all his time at work and... you get the picture. That's my Dh's boss. Not fun to work with, but not nasty as such, and fairly straightforward. I do know this bloke because I used to work with him too.

Well at the moment he tells me to fuck off if I speak to him, even when I asked him what he wanted for tea. It's quite normal for him to speak like that when he's in a bad mood (especially if I try to talk to him about depression; I have tried!) I hate it, and do that really calm "I won't listen to you if you speak to me like that" thing.

oh scouser, chin up!

OP, YADNBU. My DH was in a job he hated and which made him depressed and deeply affected our home life. I knew he hated it and did everything I could to support him. He got out about a year ago, retraining to be a paramedic on half the salary he was earning, but it was totally the right thing to do. I don't think anyone on here would want their OH to have to do a job they hate, but your DH was totally selfish and irresponsible in quitting without telling you.

I lived in fear of my DH doing that when he was in his old job, but I know that he saw his responsibilities as being the most important thing. However, if he'd said to me he couldn't take it anymore, I would have understood and we'd have had to work out how he could quit. But that's with warning and planning.

I'd be incandescent.

If the job was that bad - as in actually undermining dh's wellbeing, as opposed to just being, y'know, a crap, boring, depressing scutwork job - then I would have expected us to have discussed it at length, tbh.

Dh was thoroughly miserable at work a couple of years ago; we concluded that the quite likely worst case scenario was him being manoeuvred out/provoked into telling his bullying line manager precisely where she could shove it.

We then did some sums & agreed that if it came to that, we'd be OK, actually. Bad luck for the kids' CM, & terrifying for us, but we could hold it together for 6 months, longer if he did evening barwork or similar.

OTOH, I've also been pissed off at work, just lately. I know that I'd find it next to impossible to leave, & get another job at the same level - so I have to suck it up. It's my responsibility to come up with an exit strategy, if I'm not happier in a few months.

I'm not saying anyone has to remain in a job that's literally driving them to despair, but you don't just take a unilateral decision to quit, ffs.

Thank you very much, those who replied :) Doodleydoo, I sometimes think the meeja lionise people with overbearing egos so attracts arsehole bosses!

OP, I'm sorry to hear your situation is a bit more complicated (or differently complicated) - and am awestruck by your strategy of calm

'I don't know if he was sacked, it is possible.'
he would hardly be working a month's notice if he was sacked for misconduct !

is eating humble pie and taking back his notice an option?

YANBU. He should have discussed it with you before he quit. Also he should not have quit before getting another job. Our 20 year old daughter doesn't like her job but we have advised her to stay with it and look for a another job while she's still got this job.

There's more going on than this, isn't there, OP? You're tired of the relationship, he thinks he doesn't have to keep you in the loop and that's a cultural thing, he tells you to fuck off if you raise issues...this all sounds like a really unpleasant atmosphere to live in.

Yes, there seems to be a fair amount of disempowerment going on ... OP?

Save your ire for a month. If he searches and finds work in the interim all your anger will have been misplaced (and probably unhelpful).