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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that

118 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 06/08/2010 07:37

If one child hits another and that child then hits back it is a case of what goes around comes around?

OP posts:

maryz · 09/08/2010 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RunawayWife · 10/08/2010 12:05

So if your DS1 has usurped your DP from the house what happens when you get married?

I think your child needs to learn he is a child and there for has little to no say in the grown ups lives

cornsilk1010 · 10/08/2010 12:22

The idea that housework/cleaning is a woman's job is very deeply woven into society and reinforced by adverts, films, TV - the woman usually is the housekeeper. A child with ASHD/ODD/ASD may have difficulty with insight and interpretation and may take this literally.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 10/08/2010 13:58

Runaway, I understand what you are saying, however DP moved out because he felt he was the problem with DS1 having been on his own with me for so long. So what he does is spend his days off here or taking DS1 fishing. We are, in a few months before we get married DP will move back in and then we will work together with DS1, I guess in someways it is difficult for DP as he has never until meeting me, been with a child like DS1. He loves him dearly and as I have said before has more time for him than he does for DS2 ...in as much as he does more with him.

Just out of curiousity, and this is to everyone. Have any of you experience of a child who takes on the role of the character in books he reads? for example there is a book called Theres a boy in the girls bathroom, the main character is a woe is me type of child. Anyway after reading it myself, when I was bored the other night, I found that DS1 had actually seemed to have taken on the role on the main character.

OP posts:

BuntyPenfold · 10/08/2010 14:05

Yes Lady Evenstar I do know someone who takes on the role and characteristics (and in exact detail)of a character in a book!

My sister has done this from our earliest years!

I always knew what she was reading by her gestures/slang/outfits etc.

I could say a lot more if you are really interested.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 10/08/2010 14:09

Bunty, I am because he has been doing since he was 5 and read horrid henry

OP posts:

BuntyPenfold · 10/08/2010 14:24

This is interesting to me, though I am fairly sure your DS is not reading the books we had as children.
My sister was The Naughtiest Girl in the School (E.Blyton) and got in a lot of trouble. Then she was Barnaby fron the Rub-a -dub mystery (E.B again ) including having her lovely long hair cut off, demanding boy's striped pyjamas etc.
Then she was Mary from Little House on Prairie (about 10 books).
I could go on and on in greater detail but you get the idea.
She progressed to being an elf from LOTR sometimes Legolas, sometimes a female I have forgotten, and then Jo from the Chalet School - this went on well into motherhood and caused a lot of idiotic carrying-terrified-new-baby-by-its-clothes because Jo in the books did this!
She was an extremely jealous (violently so) sibling who my parents did not really deal with out of bewilderment at her awful temper.
She had a lot of problems at school and no real friends as she treated people so badly.
She did improve quite a lot at University, perhaps because she was being Judy out of Daddy-Long-Legs.

elmofan · 10/08/2010 14:29

TLE - we went through a phase with ds where he started to act / walk / run like a character from a PlayStation game ..... it drove us mad tbh

BuntyPenfold · 10/08/2010 14:35

So, to get to the point I suppose, is it children who don't cope well with real life who do this? Or just very imaginative children?
My sister is very clever indeed, but socially awful.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 10/08/2010 14:35

Elmo, he has been doing it for years, I just struggle to understand why.

OP posts:

BuntyPenfold · 10/08/2010 14:48

Is the character more attractive, confident, popular? So they try to be that person?

Evenstar, I hope I haven't upset you. My sister is very clever and has a very good and well-paid creative job. I can't say what as she is quite well known.

Obviously you are going to guide your son's reading. What is his reading age?
I have heard the Charlie books are nice? i think it's a reading scheme.
Harry Potter is good if you like that sort of thing (I do) and very moral in a way. Bullying not condoned and so on.
Could school suggest books with positive main characters? They should help IMO.
Sorry if you've thought of all this?

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 10/08/2010 14:58

Bunty, thats the thing the characters are generally the naughty unliked, unpopular horrible children he seems to mimic iyswim? Horrid Henry, is a prime example but at the time I put it down to him being 5.

No you haven't upset me at all I was just curious tbh as I am genuinely interested.

He is 12 and has a very high reading age, at 5/6 he read the harry potter books fluently and understood them. He read the narnia books at 7, lotr at 8 and so on Christmas just gone I got him the hitchikers guide books but he tosses them aside for rubbish he choses from the school library eg: how to train your dragon, how to be a pirate etc and the boy in the girls bathroom.

OP posts:

BuntyPenfold · 10/08/2010 15:08

He sounds very bright though Evenstar, even if he does not go for the same books as you.

I think HH is OTT myself, but then I am not a little boy....I know they do like it.

I loved Hitchhikers Guide so sympathise that he doesn't - perhaps a lot of the cultural references are out of date.

Terry Pratchett?
Would keep him going if he liked them? Lots in libraries too.
Trying to think... he is far too bright for the training your dragon stuff, but I wonder if he just borrows what other children choose to join in with the crowd.

BuntyPenfold · 10/08/2010 15:16

My son's primary school had an advanced reading group which had books and a teacher from the secondary school. This gave access to a lot of books and writers he might not have discovered otherwise.
I used to read them too.
I know he must be at secondary school now so I wonder if an English teacher could engage him with an advanced reading list, (not officially through you IYSWIM )to boost his interests and also self esteem. Many teachers would be glad to find an interested reader.

Ideaswelcome · 10/08/2010 23:31

He read the Harry Potter books at 5/6, fluently and understood them???? Really?

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 10/08/2010 23:57

Ideas, at 6 he had reading age of a 12yr old. he is now 12 and way beyond his years,

I know it sounds unbelievable but he did read them fluently and understand them. he was in yr 1

OP posts:

BuntyPenfold · 11/08/2010 10:26

Just out of interest, does he re-read books he enjoyed?
I re-read books from my childhood with my own children and discovered far more in them than I had first realised or remembered.
I suppose I thought I had understood them but realise now there was more to them that I had missed previously in my rush to find out what happened in the story.
(I am not saying you are wrong and he didn't understand what he read, only how it was for me.)

kittycat37 · 11/08/2010 21:28

Ladyeveningstar - reading about your son has made me cry because it sounds so much like my sister as we were growing up and I'm sad to say that now even at the age of 36 she is still as maddening. She's never had a proper diagnosis - been told it's everthing from aspergers to a 'personality disorder' and we're still at a loss - she varies between being sweet and empathetic to almost evil (and I say that with real sadness and regret - I don't really subscribe to the idea of people being 'evil' but sometimes her behaviour has deserved no other adjective).

I think you've been given a really hard time on this thread. I identify with much of what you say because of conversations I've had with my Mum over the years to do with my sister. I entirely disagree with certain posters who've said you shouldn't vent here - if not in an anonymous environment then where? And by the way IMO YANBU - contrary to what others have said I see that you're worrying about both your DCs. And you're obviously taking all the professional help available. I only wish that had been there for my sister over the years who has really been far too much under the radar. Keep your chin up and keep posting on MN if it's helpful.

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