to not want to go to my FIL funeral because

[superstitious]

my husband and his sister have organised it for the first available date fair enough, but it is friday the thirteenth. I do not want to go and I do not want my DC to go either if he insists that it has to go ahead on this date, because I believe it to be very bad luck.

Oh come on. Who wouldn't travel back from any where in the world to be with their partners if one of their parents died? It's hardly a great and noble thing you did. Just what anyone would do.

And as for him not considering your opinion of the date, can you not see that his mind and considerations were elsewhere? He's grieving, I doubt your loony superstitions were foremost in his mind, and quite rightly so.

I simply cannot believe that you're upset with your husband over this at a time when he most needs you.

And I can't believe that you think picking a date that you don't like is "putting his needs above you and the DC".

You're the one who feels her own nutcase beliefs should be considered ahead of the needs of a mourning family!

You need to support your husband, a date is just a date, i moved house on friday the 13th, nothing went wrong - quite the opposite in fact!

Just go, be supportive and forget about a silly date.

I'm sorry you are having problems in your relationship. But to your Dh and his the main thing is obviously sorting out his dad's funeral. Your feelings do come second here.

We had to wait 2 weeks for my brother's funeral, and it is very hard because a funeral is such an important part of the grieving process. I doubt any of us knew or cared what the actual date was when it did take place - that would have been the last thing on our thoughts.

I think its also important that your DC get a chance to say their farewells to their grandfather.

How much unluckier can your FIL get?

If this is the straw that broke the camel's back, I would LOVE to know what the other straws were. Because you sound really reasonable and not at all neurotic.

"I am fed up with a H who puts so many things before me or his DC."

FFS his father has just died. Get a grip and stop being so utterly childish and selfish.

OP - you're quite dim really, aren't you?

Lordy Lordy.

How many other Friday 13ths have you survived?

well whatever the background is and the current set-up, I think do the noble, gracious thing here and be the bigger guy. Then you have nothing to regret later.

If you really cannot go on Friday the 13th, do everything else you can to be supportive and don't go on endlessly about it. Just say quietly your piece, drive him there, pick him up, go to the get-together afterwards, order a wreathe and get the kids to write cards to their grandfather to attach to it. That kind of thing.

well how about me failing to compplete a college course, because he would finish work and hit the pub before coming home too late to after the DC for me. Driving home drunk with our DC. He would rather be working on his boat than to finish the decorating that needs to be done here, or do I need to go on...

well you have to know what you are doing. If dh had presented me with a list of my faults (which would have been mighty long, let's be honest) when my mother died, I don't think I would have appreciated it much.

Less than at other times IYSWIM

I don't think your problems can be accounted for by the DATE, fgs.

Here's the thing, dipshit.

It's not about you.

Not remotely. Not one bit. AT FUCKING ALL.

It is ALL about your bereaved husband and his loss.

You do what you can to support him because you promised to in your marriage vows. And breaking those is pretty fucking bad luck as well.

I'm not surprised he won't bend to your will, if you'd seriously put your selfishness above the fact that his father died. he's probably had enough of you by now.

sorry to play the psyche here but I just feel that maybe your anger towards him, you do feel a lot of anger towards him I think, is bursting out now and this whole Friday 13th thing might be a trigger. Maybe it is hard to be sympathetic and kind towards him now because you are really angry at him about a lot of things and the whole sympathy thing doesn't sit right iwth that?

Try hard to get through it decently. It is always the best thing to do in my experience and then try and deal with the whole marriage issue and the other problems at a better time.

Are you saying its not really about the date then? - Its about you wanting to hurt your DH for the misery he's caused you in the past.

Honestly if I disliked someone so much I felt like being awkward about their father's funeral, I wouldn't be living with them.

Sorry I called you dipshit. That was probably uncalled for. The rest I think is fair enough.

Drip drip drip...

"VivClicquot Fri 30-Jul-10 11:24:27
I'm someone who openly admits to hating magpies, the evil-eyed flappy-winged bastards."

me too.

Best not mention the phrase 'bad luck'...if that was said to me in those circs, I would point out that "the bad luck's already fucking happened love...my dad's dead!

And my wife is more concerned about bonkers woowoo superstitions than she is about her family..and disgracefully thinks I should put her superstitious beliefs first, rather than having the grace to accept that her behaviour is selfish."

Superstitious, you may have problems in your relationship with dh, but jettisoning him in the lead up to his father's funeral could be considered a tad callous.