to not want to go to my FIL funeral because

[superstitious]

my husband and his sister have organised it for the first available date fair enough, but it is friday the thirteenth. I do not want to go and I do not want my DC to go either if he insists that it has to go ahead on this date, because I believe it to be very bad luck.

lol Viv

Well don't go then supersTITious. Tell your family why. And come back and tell us their reaction.

is it just a problem going to the funeral or are you ok to go to the get-together afterwards?

Superstitious, if we all pretend for one moment that this is real, can you tell us other things that are/aren't acceptable to you to do on a Friday 13th?

wouldn't be good to walk under scaffolding, cross streets or drive a car I reckon

the problem is the date, and the fact that my H has ridden roughshod over my feelings. I was visiting my family when I got the news of FIL had died, and spent 6 and a half hours on the road getting back to be with my H.

so what are you going to do now?

Well if you've bought the outfits, don't want to invite attention and loved your FIL...what's the problem?

Surely you want to show your DH| and his family that his DF meant something to you?

Don't your DC want to say their final goodbyes/pay respects (sorry, don't know how old they are so can only assume they are of an age to want to 'be present'.

Don't you see that your superstitions are just that ... unfounded in fact and reality??? Why would you want to avoid this? What has happened to you on this date in the past that warrants this reaction to it?

You posted this in AIBU ... you should be prepared for the reactions you are getting: getting it both barrels

"my H has ridden roughshod over my feelings"

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

HIS FATHER HAS JUST DIED!

Your poor, poor husband, with such a self-centred wife.

superstitious What an utterly selfish person you are,and what has it got to do with you what date your dh and his family have decided to hold the funeral.Im sure the last thing on their mind is to consult with you to see if it fits in ok.

I've always believed its desperately unlucky to change the date of a funeral once its been arranged.

funerals get rearranged for all sorts of reasons, I think that is the first available date because no other people want to let their loved ones be laid to rest on such an unlucky day.

I seriously doubt any sane person would care what the date is. The date is probably free because it's 2 whole weeks away.

I hope your husband gets back from the funeral, packs his bags and leaves you.

maybe I wish that too

why? And why if you think it is bad luck for you and the dc to go on Friday the 13th are you not bothered it might be bad luck for dh to go too?

Ah, now the truth is really starting to come out. How about you tell us what's really going on, because we really cannot believe anyone is so utter ridiculous about superstitions that they put them above supporting a partner who has lost a parent.

read the above post

Which post?

Right, taking your objections once at a time:

The bad luck of having a funeral on Friday 13th will hit your family if you're there or not as I understand it is having the funeral that is bad luck, not attending one. So that's no reason not to go.

Re wearing black on Friday 13th (first time I've heard this one, BTW - that's really not a common superstition) - dark grey or dark navy would also be acceptable colours for a funeral outfit, and you have 2 weeks to take back your DC's and your outfits and get ones in dark grey/blue ones.

re the funeral procession passing you meaning you'll die within the year - won't you be in the procession cars, not having it pass you? so it'll be all the people who you drive past who'll be risking their lives, not you. (obviously if you genuinely think everyone you drive past will die, I can see you might think it's not a very public spirited thing to do). If you can't even be in the cars, would your DH mind if you travelled to the church on your own and took a different route?

And finally, re your DH not considering your feeling when arranging the funeral with his family - his father has just died, your objections to the date are very unusual and obscure superstitions, if you believe them, then fine, but the majority of people will never have heard of them, let alone believe them.

I think you need help. You sound like you have some weird form of OCD that compels you to live within boundaries set by superstition. Either that or you are completely selfish. I actually hope it's the former so you can get some medical help but I am more inclined to believe the latter.

not very public spirited. I like that.

I think she might mean with the earlier post where she wrote she was visiting relatives and had to drive back 6 hours when she heard only to find he had ridden slipshod over her feelings in booking this date.

So is it that you think he deliberately chose this date becasue it would be a problem for you? Is that what you think?

the read the above post was meant to be read mine, maybe I am fed up with a H who puts so many things before me or his DC. This might just be the camels back, and if it is then so be it

so things have been tense, right?

OK I think really, just try hard to wind right bakc down because tbh with you now is not the time to bring things to a climax. If he is deliberately pushing things because you haven't been getting on, jsut try hard to be calm and decent now when he is freshly bereaved. It is a big thing to lose a parent. Give it a certain amount of time and then review is the marriage working/workable.

Really, I would try to de-escalate atm.