AIBU to think that although we may be lucky, it hasn't all been down to just luck

[Litchick]

Have a friend staying at the moment and she has told DC that our very comfortable existence is all a matter of luck.
Luck that we were born in the west. Luck to be clever. Luck to have reasonable parents etc.

I know she's right, and yet I want to impress upon DC that it hasn't been like winning the lottery. We have had to work our arses off and still do.

AIBU, or should I just leave it that indeed we are incredibly lucky?

OP's friend is right; inescapably and completely right.

I have read Buffet's description of his children as "having won the ovarian lottery", and to a huge extent anyone born in the West has done the same thing.

It's not just the free education you got as a child, or the fact you were born six weeks premature in a hospital with an ICBU and not in a fucking paddyfield full of land mines in Laos.

The social capital you enjoy in the West extends to things like you can safely assume that nobody is going to turn up with a private army and turf you off your property (cf Zimbabwe), or that you will have legal recourse if your intellectual property rights are infringed, or even that you can pick up the phone and expect to hear a dial tone (cf parts of Sudan and Somalia). Really, truly insurmountable problems that no amount of work by an individual (beyond emigrating) will rectify.

Work as hard and as smart as you can, of course, but don't kid yourself other than that the social infrastructure you were born into accounts for 90% of your "success".

but those are materialist things - they're things that money can buy.

My kids (generally speaking) help me clean and tidy

When we had a garden we had fun keeping it (relatively) tidy.

My DS's go swimming and do other activities (must remember to call up about the archery when I come back from my holidays).

You don't need lots of money to be able to afford to have experiences that they enjoy. You need to have had good fortune in accruing little debt, a steady income, and some good budgeting skills.

I've long since discovered that when we live within our means on a day to day basis there's more money to afford to do the stuff that costs money.

Now this isn't getting my house sorted or my packing done

I am not particularly materialistic but would like to be able to afford a cleaner. That would mean I would have more time to do things wth my family that may or may not cost money.

'OP is your 'friend' telling this to her children or yours? If it's the latter I'd kick her out the house and never speak/see her again.

Yes, I guess that being born in the west is a bit of luck. And that your lucky you have reasonable parents.

But I draw the line at luck because your clever. Your clever because you studied hard and long enough and paid attention when it was needed.

Sounds like your 'friend' is a bit of a bitch who greatly resents your life. '

How very fishwifey.

The OP has already explained that her friend's stance is likely the result of her job, which takes her round the world to some incredibly deprived areas, and that she, the OP, believes her friend meant what she said with the best of intentions, to open her (the OP's) childrens' eyes a bit.

And it's you're. You're is the contracted form of you are. Your is a possessive pronoun.

Luck or hard work? Bit of both really and Ultimately Life is what you make it.

Great experiences can be had doing some work with your family, great skills can be taught whilst working and playing.

Work/play/relaxation/hard graft/luck - all great in the correct balance.

Oh what a suprise that you chose to pick on me expatinscotland.

Relatively speaking, I am clever. I have two first class honours degrees and am pursuing an MSc.

It's luck, sheer luck. I find academic study a breeze and I really don't have to work that hard at it.

On the other hand, I have had more driving lessons than you could shake a stick at and I still haven't passed.

At this stage, I want and need my driving license more than I could ever possibly conceive of desiring any of my academic qualifications. I'm pretty sure that if/when I do pass my driving test, it will have a bigger impact on my life.

We do what we can with the cards we are dealt: I am pushing through my appalling spatial awareness with hundreds of lessons but it's still a factor. I have zero confidence in a car and supreme confidence when writing an academic paper. Luck and hard work are all relative: we all have areas of our life that we bash away at with no reward and areas of our life where we can feel quite smug in our successes.

arses - I completely degree I completed my degree easily and did it despite having less than 2 weeks off maternity leave. I got a 2:1 and didnt get anything in late even though I was on my own at home with a baby.

However driving is impossible I dont get why its so hard! I look around and think what the hell ridiculous 17 year old boys can do it why do I find it so difficult!!