AIBU to think that although we may be lucky, it hasn't all been down to just luck

[Litchick]

Have a friend staying at the moment and she has told DC that our very comfortable existence is all a matter of luck.
Luck that we were born in the west. Luck to be clever. Luck to have reasonable parents etc.

I know she's right, and yet I want to impress upon DC that it hasn't been like winning the lottery. We have had to work our arses off and still do.

AIBU, or should I just leave it that indeed we are incredibly lucky?

DH's ambition was to play for West Ham. And when he realised that wasn't going to happen (at age about 17 ) he had no idea at all and drifted for years. Until a gang of scary women (incl me) told him his new amibition was to be a teacher. Only took him 16 years to realise that one And he's good at it. And that is further than he would have gone left to his own devices. My ambitions were limited to having a nice, not too stressful job that I enjoyed and having enough money to be comfortable. My ambitious friends despair of me and are always trying to set me off on new courses.

I don't feel that success through hard work is more admirable than being happy to tend the tomatoes and swim in the sea every day of the year (for example).

It's personal preference, that's all.

(although I admit I am envisaging a certain type of person and a quieter type of success).

LeQueen, most of the millionaires I know are brickies/tilers etc.
My bil is one. Poor as anything, growing up. brickie. worked 6 days a week, all hours. never saw his 5 kids. now has million £ house and 8 buy-to-lets.
good for him. am not jealous.
dh, his brother, does just fine, but is different to his brother.

tocca - I don't see drive and ambition as necessarily making money.

For me they are interlinked, but I am a fuck up about money from the poverty in my childhood and the impact it had on my Mum's mental health.
But they certainly don't have to be.

I know loads of writers and would-be writers. Most of them make fuck-all to almost nothing. Certainly not a living wage. But they have drive and ambition to make their work the best ti can be. To get published. To have lots of readers. To say something.
I completely get it. But it doesn't make them happy content bunnies.

litchick, nothing to envy me for, believe me. mind you, i envy you. funny. equal envy

"My ambitions were limited to having a nice, not too stressful job that I enjoyed and having enough money to be comfortable."

ahhh - ow you see that's me now - having wasted spent all of my teenager years and 20's thinking much bigger and grander things and foolishly trying to work towards them - only to find I was miserable as fuck.

I have decided that life begins at 31 recently (40 seemed far too long to wait) and am throwing all caution to the wind, and everything my parents drummed into me about drive and ambition

And I have decided life is good. (most of the time )

"My ambitions were limited to having a nice, not too stressful job that I enjoyed and having enough money to be comfortable."
that was my ambition at 16. and i got there. and by god, i also had alot of fun on the way.

Ob - the 2 builders I know (cousins's DH and my BF's DH) are both struggling and not really that well off - they're obviously in the wrong parts of the world

I get a real buzz out of the "simple life"......especially when friends keep saying to me - but how can you even think about doing a 700 mile round trip, away for 3 weeks, with 3 children and a pushchair.........on public transport.

And each time they say it I get more excited . I think I shall be generating electricity by the time I get on the train on Monday morning as I'll be so hideously excited and buzzing about it all

see that's what makes me envious.
The contentment.
I know DH and I will never be sated.

isn't it fab what makes the world go round - how bloody boring it would be if we all wanted the same things in life

Good God yes - if everyone was as frenetic as me they wouldn't have time to read my book and blogs, join my websites or listen to my plays

and then you'd never have been so lucky in life

yeah. lucky you've got an audience lit . all luck

toccan, odd. we know 2 builders, an electrician, a tiler, and a pair, in business togethre who are 'ceiling fitters'.
all doing well nicely.
tis odd.

my BF's DH does everything except Gas - he's not Corgi registered (I'm not sure he'd have time with plumbing, electrics, and building stuff ), they're trundling along ok - but not great. Long standing family business that he used to run with his dad he's on his own with it now.

Admittedly don't really know how my cousin is doing with his business - it's been several years since I talked to him - but he's been doing it every since I was a kid and although doing ok certainly not rolling in it

'I don't think luck comes into it - we all end up with the lives that we deserve, one way or another.'

That has to be one of the most ignorant and downright hard-hearted things I've ever read.

So a kid in India, born to a low caste, who slaves 12+ hours/day in a landfill for scraps to sell, no chance for an education at all, possibly no parents, either, deserves the likely short life he has?

The woman, bright as anyone, unfortunately and by chance born in an Islamic-fundamentalist nation, deserves to be treated like worse than cattle?

The mind boggles.

I'm doing much better than I deserve for starters.

expat, maybe the poster meant uk wise.
i deserve everything i have got. it has nothing to do with luck. well luck of having loving parents and being semi intelligent and having the attitude of i will get anything i want. are those luck. prob the last one is just me. my nature. is that too luck ?

Actually, I think personality is largely luck too . Some people are go-getters, some aren't, some are extroverts, some are introverts. And of course, some of this may be nature (luck) and some nurture (also luck)... You can change up to a point - you can certainly improve things like shyness - but personally I don't believe you can totally change your personality.

Ob, it doesn't even apply in the UK, either, IMO or IME.

No one really deserves or doesn't deserve anything. Fairness isn't a natural law.

''Surely hard work is rewarded in most work environments?'

It can be rewarding but isnt always particularly rewarded or respected for instance childcare or care etc. I work in these fields and you can work extremely hard in that, long hours, low pay and hard work but it isnt respected by many.

There are many jobs like that really and just because someone gets a lot of money for their job isnt because they work hard and other people dont.

People look down on carers butif some people werent bothered about image and material possesions then there would be noone to do these essential jobs.

Can I add even though a lot of people do see carers and childcarers as not very clever, didnt try hard at school etc. I wouldnt change it for the world. I know carers and childcarers working for £5.80 an hour and managers on £6.50.

Having a high salary doesnt always proof that you are successful, intelligent or a hard worker. I had the way some people seem to think it does and if you work for a minimum wage you do it cause you are some kind of idiot, which is an attitude I have heard expressed a lot towards people in low paid care professions.

i have been fortunate to use good nursey since baby room.v capeable,nurturing staff. i like nursery staff

Thank you scottishmummy. A lot of people seem to directly correlate success with how much money they make. I will definitely teach my children the benefits of hard work but they dont need to prove their success or intelligence through how much money they make.

I think that kind of attitude from capitalist societies is the reason for excessive wastefulness and lack of community. People see jobs as what is in it for them and a lot of worthwhile jobs are deemed to be low status and looked down on. I think its a shame.