To think my friends' baby names are cruel...

[MummikinsOopNorth]

...and setting her child up for a life of misery?

My friend who is pregnant for the 1st time has been discussing names for her baby. Some of them are fine, except the ones she really loves and are at the top of her list she's compiled. I don't want her child to be the subject of name-calling. Am I being a bit over-the-top and should I just let her go ahead, because after all, it's her baby, her choice.

The ones in question are;

Destiny
Starr
Oskah (fine for a boy with the spelling of Oscar, but for a girl?!?!?)
Diamond
D'amante

Ice
Echo
D'arnell

She also put lovely, traditional names on her list like Isaac, Thomas, Rebecca and Liddiya (horrible spelling she made up for Lydia!). How can I pursuade her to use something lovely?

Unfortunately you can't pursuade her. You can tell her which ones you prefer, without commenting too much on the ridiculous ones. Something like "Thomas is lovely but I'm not so keen on Ice" and if the unusual spelling comes up, you could say that she is going to spend 18 years spelling that name for people, then her child will spend the rest of their lives spelling it also.

Oh and the names she has chosen are bloody ridiculous!!!! Lets hope its just her hormones and she chooses something a bit more sensible.

Is she African-American? If so, no problem.

I actually know two children called destiny so that is mainstream to me! other than that its her baby so no matter how odd the name I would smile and agree, no point falling out over it in my opinion.

her baby her choice
anf fwiw, i like starr and destiny

Oh oh oh I never heard or seen the word Oskah until today when this very morning I saw it tattooed on someone's wrist, I thought "WTF? WTF again? That better not be your kid's name."

In the name of friendship you have to try to not poke fun or sound disapproving of the names you don't like. We had two acid tests.

1. How would I feel about yelling it out in Morrison's car park? (if like a nob then that's a no.)

2. If my child chooses to be a lawyer or a doctor, will they be taken seriously?

Maybe you initiate a fun chat along those lines. As it goes though, I know a Starla-Blue and she carries it off just fine, so people get used to anything.

My bff has always had mad baby name lists. Each time, they have ended up calling the babies something they have never mentioned before and still a bit unusual, but not as mad as the original suggestions.

There's nothing you can do about it except take their decision in good grace.

Yep they're distinctly chavvy - would fit in well in certain parts of town and mark the kid out pretty well for life.

Nothing you can do though - if she's going to name her kid something that looks like a hideous scrabble-related accident - she's going to do it. I've got a slightly less common spelling of a name (still a "normal" spelling, just the less common of two variants) and it's a pain in the rear to be honest - no one ever spells it properly and now I've given up even telling them they've got it wrong.

Thanks for your replies.

She is white and her boyfriend is black African.

Her DP has even a crazier ideas of names, which unfortunately have also made 'the list' as my friend loves them too - Cocoa, JayTee (this name is just awwwwful), Caycie (Casey), Kiki, Marshley, Izzy-Sue. Thankfully they're not at the top of 'the list'

I know a Coco, that is a sweet name.
If the baby is mixed race I think the names she is choosing will be fine in the main as theey are more afro- american sounding.
I like Starr and D'arnell is not too bad. The others are a bit 'out there'.

oh, and just to say, the very top of the list is Skyla or Kyla for a girl, which I just could maybe cope with, but she said she would shorten it to Kai , or DeAngelo for a boy.

I hope she chooses Thomas or Rebecca. I do hope so.

My cousin's dd has a dd called Liberty which along with an 'L' surname sounds like a showgirl imho

You can't persuade her to do anything.

Would you let her persuade you to name your child something she liked, that you didn't?

OK, the names are really, really not to my taste either, but they're her children, not yours. Everyone has different tastes - it's what makes the world go round. And it's not really about you coping with the names - meant in the nicest possible way.

I've heard a lot worse than all of them...

Woah woah woah.

Is this an AIBU by stealth?
Are you the friend?

If not, bit of a mean post IMO.
What's it to you?
The namesmight sound odd bellowed outside the local prep school by Boden-Mum, but it's the friend's choice.

I have a friend/colleague (who's probably about 45 now) and her name is Destiny. I quite like it. She phones and says "It's Destiny calling" which always gives any phone call a sense of great importance

I'm not greatly struck on some of those names but it really is up to your friend. One of my friends really doesn't like my DD's name and (although I'd never tell her) I don't like her DS's name. Neither of the names we've chosen are in any way unusual.

could you suggest a mainstream middle name? At least give this child options when they are an adult.

ooo I quite like Skyla (one of the characters in Breaking Bad is Skyla)

www.slate.com/id/2116449

Also a chapter in Freakonomics

If you have access to an academic library, see also:

The Causes and Consequences of Distinctively Black Names
Roland G. Fryer, Jr., Steven D. Levitt
The Quarterly Journal of Economics, Vol. 119, No. 3 (Aug., 2004), pp. 767-805
Published by: The MIT Press
Stable URL: www.jstor.org/stable/25098702

I have a unusual name for dd some people don't like it but I get loads of lovely comments about it and it is a real conversation starter people who don't like it just don't say anything. The girls in my DS class all exclaim and say they love my dd name.

Ds name is fairly traditional and no one comments. Her names are not to my taste but I think they are perfectly fine for a African child. Leave her alone how would you have felt if she had said to you when you were naming your child that is common as muck don't you want your child to be special (not my view BTW but some people think like that I have one unusual and one traditional).

PMSL at the "hideous scrabble-related accident"

These names here - um , yeah

I think she has her taste and if you try to steer her towards something else, she might not be happy with it. I've met some dc with eye-popping names and it takes a while, but you do get used to most of them.

I know a woman with 6 kids including a Summer, Storm (boy) and Dartagnon (boy obviously). If she had asked me what I thought before she'd named them, I might have said something off-putting but once the babies are there and named, people generally don't comment on your name choice, do they?

One of her boys was Frank which seemed not to fit at all

You're not being unreasonable in what you think but there's bugger-all you can do about it, unfortunately. Some people grow into a weirdy moniker, others detest it and resent the person who saddled them with it their whole lives. Let's hope little Germolene is in the first bracket.

Oscar used to be a girls name in the early 20thc btw.

didn't know Oscar was ever a girls name

Well I think they're ghastly names but also it is absoluetly none of your business.

I've never heard of Oscar being used for a girl. It is a name with an interesting history but certainly has always been a boys name in the country where it originated (Ireland)