To think my friends' baby names are cruel...

[MummikinsOopNorth]

...and setting her child up for a life of misery?

My friend who is pregnant for the 1st time has been discussing names for her baby. Some of them are fine, except the ones she really loves and are at the top of her list she's compiled. I don't want her child to be the subject of name-calling. Am I being a bit over-the-top and should I just let her go ahead, because after all, it's her baby, her choice.

The ones in question are;

Destiny
Starr
Oskah (fine for a boy with the spelling of Oscar, but for a girl?!?!?)
Diamond
D'amante

Ice
Echo
D'arnell

She also put lovely, traditional names on her list like Isaac, Thomas, Rebecca and Liddiya (horrible spelling she made up for Lydia!). How can I pursuade her to use something lovely?

Belle - Your friend sounds awesome.

Sanielle - Thanks. There's a few nasty assumptions being made here.

I like the point that Sanielle made too. It's like if somebody suggested, I dunno, Kaycee or something, and people waded in and said "Oh, that's fine for a white working-class child, because that's their culture, don't you know". Hugely patronising.

My sister-in-law thought it was "so mean!" of a man she knows to call his children Henry and Charlie. (Because they're "like, old guy names!") I know she was a bit when I called DS Sam.

So, I'd like to say it's just a taste thing, but there's something about names like D'amante that make me cringe a bit. Why is that, I wonder? I'm not a snob, I swear, but certain names like Peyton, Jaiden, etc, just drive me nuts. Just like some place names (Charlotte) are nice but some (Dakota, Paris) are not. In my opinion of course!

But in the end, none of my business, and none of yours either, OP.

I don't think people are saying it's "ok" for Afro-Americans (or actually we're probably more likely talking about Afro-Caribbeans here) to have these names, but that they would fit in more with the people they are likely to be around.

Of course there are lots of Afro-Caribbeans with names like Elizabeth and John. But I live in the Caribbean and there are also lots and lots and lots of what I would classify as "unusual" (eg for my background) names here - eg Mernessa, Rawshana, Armani, Ad'janae, Rhonie, Shakima, Mendel.

So if the OP's friend's children will be brought up in an area around other people of a similar heritage, their names probably wouldn't stand out - and therefore they probably would not feel "different", get picked on etc.

If, however, they live in a very white, middle-class town, then they might feel uncomfortable with these names.

In reply to the original question though - it's entirely up to her what she calls her children.

@Sanielle.

As someone who is half black I have to agree with you. I was a little alarmed at seeing others say these names were 'ok for African or American or black people'. People who say these things clearly don't know many black people in real life, most of whom have pretty normal boring names. When they don't have 'normal' names they often select African names which may sound silly to some but they are as legitimate as Jack or Jane.

Also that chapter in Freakonomics was BS and filler even my full white husband said so. They were clearly taking silly names from the black underclass and attributing them to black people as a whole (I've never met or heard of a person called 'Shitheed' in my life). I'm sure if you did a study of names from the white underclass you'd find some headscratching choices their too.

Just tell her your opinion - she will call it whatever she wants in the end.

While I was pg with DC3 I was determined that if it was a girl, it would be named Tuesday. I don't know why. I still love it, it's a brilliant girls name. It might be OK because some of my distant ancestors were vikings?

In the end I went for a stereotypical pagan wicca name for DS2 which is kind of a shame, because I didn't know it was, and I am neither of those things. But it suits him, and he is happy enough to answer to it.

I was at a summer pantomime (ds was in it) and a little girl was called onto the stage called

Chardonnay

OP....What ethnicity is your friend?

I worked with someone who had a Chardonnai-Leigh. And DD's class in her old school had 4 variations of Kayleigh, Kaylee, Kaileigh, Kay-Lee. It was fine, they all thought her name was weird (Áine, teacher insisted on spelling it A'ine until I wanted to kill her with her own board marker. )