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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my friends' baby names are cruel...

110 replies

MummikinsOopNorth · 25/07/2010 12:43

...and setting her child up for a life of misery?

My friend who is pregnant for the 1st time has been discussing names for her baby. Some of them are fine, except the ones she really loves and are at the top of her list she's compiled. I don't want her child to be the subject of name-calling. Am I being a bit over-the-top and should I just let her go ahead, because after all, it's her baby, her choice.

The ones in question are;

Destiny
Starr
Oskah (fine for a boy with the spelling of Oscar, but for a girl?!?!?)
Diamond
D'amante

Ice
Echo
D'arnell

She also put lovely, traditional names on her list like Isaac, Thomas, Rebecca and Liddiya (horrible spelling she made up for Lydia!). How can I pursuade her to use something lovely?

OP posts:
slushy · 25/07/2010 13:41

BTW I love Dartagnon think it would sound really great on a Spanish, Italian or Greek little boy.

atswimtwolengths · 25/07/2010 13:44

I think she's not just being cruel, she's showing a lack of imagination. Some of those names aren't even names!

I teach in a sixth form and we've had 'Chelsey', 'Chellsei', 'Chelsy' etc - imagine trying to fill in UCAS forms for these girls - they are judged before anyone's met them.

It's nice to have unusual names for children, but they should be proper names (in my opinion) and they should enable the child to have a serious job and not just be a bloody lap dancer!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 25/07/2010 13:44

Her child, her choice.

But she has dreadful taste. And is firmly identifying herself as a member of the Chav Class if she does choose one of those horrendous names.

atswimtwolengths · 25/07/2010 13:44

(Waits for the flaming re. lapdancer comment)

KiwiKat · 25/07/2010 13:45

People are so judgemental about everything about each other, and unfortunately, names are up there in a big way. It's a sad truth that any girl called Bambi would have a tough time ahead of her ... I LOVE the way the name 'Shane' sounds, but would never call a child of mine that because of the name's social connotations in both the UK and my own country.

Last week there was a wee girl called Twinkle in the paper, and my focus was completely on what a horrendous name it was, rather than the story itself. But I'm sure her friends and relatives think it suits her well.

Nowt much you can do about it, I'm afraid.

5DollarShake · 25/07/2010 13:45

I have read Freakonomics, and as I say, while these are not names I would ever saddle my own children with, that's not the point.

These are someone else's children, and for the OP to be taking so much on herself... 'how can I persuade her,' and 'I can just about cope with...' well, it's none of her business.

LynetteScavo · 25/07/2010 13:50

I'm liking Ice

BaggedandTagged · 25/07/2010 13:52

Wasn't the point in Freakonomics that your name reflects your likely life outcomes, rather than causes them?

i.e. Being called Starr rather than Emma doesn't stop you becoming a High Court Judge. Rather, the social/ educational background of most high court judges means that you are far more likely to have been christened Emma than Starr?

ZZZenAgain · 25/07/2010 13:54

lol slush I knew someone would like Dartagnon. They are from Birmingham and not the least bit Mediterranean

Chil1234 · 25/07/2010 13:57

(It's D'Artagnan BTW... if anyone's thinking of going the Alexandre Dumas route. Only thing worse than a daft name is a daft name with a daft spelling)

Lonnie · 25/07/2010 13:59

ok some of those names are not to my taste either but then neither is Jack and Jessica 2 solid well known top 10 names.

its their child their decision and anyone whom feels they are entitled to tell others what to name their child ABU

if you like some of her choices why not be enthutiastic there?

I love Skyla and Kyla btw and I dont see a problem w Kai its actually fairly mainstream both for a boy and girl these days. definetly a unisex name.. and with that heritage I dont see a issue w Echo or D'arnell either

BaggedandTagged · 25/07/2010 14:00

Even worse than D'Artagnan would be Dogtanian, showing that you didnt realise the cartoon was based on a classic.

It was a very good cartoon though.......

Chil1234 · 25/07/2010 14:01

Or DartTag... but at least you could shop at Bluewater and Lakeside....

zipzap · 25/07/2010 14:03

I agree with you about her choice of names but you never know, she and her boyfriend may be talking about your favourite list of names and saying 'oh my god what a horrible list of names' too - if it is what they like then unfortunately it's what they like.

They also might be having a great game coming up with the worst names that they possibly can so they can surpise everyone at the with the real (nice!) name as people can get judgey beforehand and expect to influence things...

I know we had fun coming up with names that we were going to use but had no intention of actually using . If you're feeling like it, you could always say that you have sussed their game and that they have got another lovely name stashed away. Of course if it is their real list then chances are you will have ruined a good friendship - depends how well you get on with friend?

TheArmadillo · 25/07/2010 14:06

YABU

HEr baby her choice

FWIW you wouldn't know it on here but a lot of people hate 'old lady names' which seem to be popular amongst the middle classes atm. Bet you'd be up in arms if someone tried to dissuade you from naming your child one of those.

SO many threads on here about people being upset their choice of name for their child being ridiculed or slagged off and how upset they are.

Stop being such a fucking snob and get over it. QUite frankly it is nothing to do with you. ANd trying to persuade her into one of your choices would be a really low thing to do. She has her own style and taste, and probably thinks yours is crap too. Why try and get her to name her child a name she is not completely happy with, just to please you. Self centred or what.

I know plenty of children with unusual names - none of them have been subject to name calling. IT's just accepted by the kids at least that that is their name.

sayithowitis · 25/07/2010 14:07

Maybe she knows what you think and is just winding you up?

Whatever you think it is none of your business and it is not your place to comment at all on the suitability or otherwise, of whatever name she chooses.

Maybe you should walk into any local school and hear some of the names of the children there. Then I doubt you would be so judgemental about the names on her list! Trust me, we have and have had far worse than any of those!

ZZZenAgain · 25/07/2010 14:08

they write it -on and no apostrophe

I am used to it now but I was surprised when I first heard it.

ZZZenAgain · 25/07/2010 14:11

friend of my dd is called Ylvi. Have never seen that name before but am used to it too now. Maybe it is quite common, no idea.

Her brothers are Jack and Tom

mymindsgonecrazy · 25/07/2010 14:18

i like ice for a boy!

tokyonambu · 25/07/2010 14:19

B&T: Yes, that was the conclusion. But the evidence was gathered in California, which is a state with a massively mobile population where from memory something like 45% weren't born in the state. California is the size of the UK and has an economy large enough to make it a G8 country in its own right were it to secede from the USA, and there is extensive social mobility.

By contrast, The DWP found that stereotypically white and non-white names made substantial differences to job applications. The racism they were exploring was against asian and african names; one can speculate as to the size of the effect for names like those listed for the OP.

ZZZenAgain · 25/07/2010 14:20

Icicle for a boy maybe and Avalanche for a girl

Chil1234 · 25/07/2010 14:21

Does it annoy anyone else when someone has a totally ordinary name with a moronic spelling? "Hello, I'm Soozi... that's two 'o's a 'z' and an 'i'"....

NarkyPuffin · 25/07/2010 14:25

If she thinks the names are reasonable then they probably are for the area the child will live in, the school s/he will go to etc.

It is unfortunate as people are judged by their names. CV experiments have shown that having an obviously 'ethnic' name reduces your chances of being offered an interview- as opposed to submitting the same cv with a 'neutral' name. There is also research on how teachers perceive certain names- as likely troublemakers etc.

The child might overcome the prejudice, but it does make life more difficult for the child.

ZZZenAgain · 25/07/2010 14:28

wondering why some names for things (for want of a better word) in occuring in nature like Dawn, Lily or Amber are accepted as names but other things like (what did she have?) Ice or Echo sound odd.

Chil1234 · 25/07/2010 14:40

Ice & Echo didn't make the audition for Earth Wind and Fire.