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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shock outburst from neighbour should I take the CAB advice?

102 replies

alicatte · 23/07/2010 09:31

I am asking this because I don't really know what to do. I spoke to CAB and they said to get in touch with the police. What do you think dear mumsnetters, I feel it seems an extreme solution but I really don't want it to happen again.

I have lived in my house for a very long time - several decades - but it is in a street of houses where there is a high turnover. One of my neighbours who moved in five years ago and lives opposite me had a surprising and major outburst with me yesterday.

But first a bit of background. I have a small driveway,just enough for one car not enough for two (unless it was a G-wizz or a smart car). I have had this for decades, as does my next door neighbour and several other people on the street have hardstandings outside their houses. Recently two more hardstandings were added and then the local authority changed the rules and stopped any more hardstandings being put in.

I am a teacher and am usually at work, my husband has a company car and works all round the country - he gets back at all sorts of times and so we leave the driveway space for him as parking can often be difficult in the evening.

When we first had the drive we did try to put one car in the drive and the other outside over the driveway, but unfortunately because parking is so tight people were constantly parking a wheel or so over the driveway space (just trying to fit in - I guess people get desperate.) and so both the driveway and the space outside were becoming unusable on many occasions. We then started to manage the parking. We also have a garden at the front and so in the evenings, after the day parkers had gone, I would park on the road in front of the garden, so that my husband could still park when he came home.

For decades no-one ever complained about it, some people even said that it was nice that there was always somewhere you could draw into and unpack your children and your shopping before looking for a parking space. We are the first road without residents parking so we have a lot of extra cars overspilling from nearby roads.

Then S moved in. Two years ago on the first day of the school holidays and 5 days after my father had died I was woken at 8.00 a.m. by furious knocking on the front door. S said that she had friends coming round and where were they supposed to park. I should put my car in the driveway and not be so selfish. I was quite tearful at the time and explained why, she said that it wasn't anything to do with her that my father had died. Just to make it clear, at the time there were loads of places in the street - there always are during school holidays.

S's mother then arrived later in her Jaguar, she parked over my driveway (where my car was) although there were lots of other spaces in the street. I was weeding in the front garden at the time and I was a bit shocked so initially I didn't say anything just talked to her, eventually I asked her if it would be possible for her to park in one of the other free spaces instead of blocking me in, she said she wouldn't be long and breezed off into S's house - she was there for hours.

Nothing else much happened for a year and then one day S's husband leaned out of the window as I passed and asked me why I was taking up spaces in the street when parking was at a premium (again this was on a day when there was loads of space). I have a cleaner who was using the driveway space that day - I explained this to him. Later when I went out (on foot) he went over and harangued my cleaner, who reports that she gave him rather short shrift.

Then yesterday I arrived back to find S waiting in the street. She was just about to go on holiday and she laid into me about my discourteous behaviour with regard to the parking. She told me that she understood 'by law' that if you had a driveway then you should only use that space yet we were taking up space in the street. She shouted out at the top of her voice that she didn't believe that my father had died two years ago that it was just a story that I had made up to make her feel sorry for me. She said that she had spoken to other neighbours and that they had told her that I had said that my mother was ill but they had seen her walking up the street two days later (this is impossible as my mother lives at the other end of the country) - bizarre or what. These things proved that I was a liar and discourteous.

All the time my two sons, who have lived here all their lives, were watching this. They were both upset and said that they felt invaded. She was shouting and shouting. So I shouted back (yes I am shocked at myself) that there was no law against parking outside your own house but there were laws against harassment and she was harassing me. I also said that if other neighbours were talking about me then I believed she was starting the conversations. At this point my husband arrived and supported me in a very reasonable way - explaining the same things to her. I went over later and tried to smooth things over which seemed to go well but this is the third incident and I feel so embarrassed at the horrible scene in the street - I can't take it again.

The CAB say it is harassment and I should contact the police. I confess I do feel a little afraid of her.

What would you do?

OP posts:
OnlyWantsOne · 23/07/2010 09:36

... avoid her

and if you feel you ought to, contact the police - but they will do no more than perhaps drop in and have a word.

30andMerkin · 23/07/2010 09:36

First up, sorry to hear about your father.

Next, I don't think their behaviour is excusable, but just to be clear:
do you have a drop kerb on your drive?
is there any kind of permit scheme/yellow lines etc on your road?

OrmRenewed · 23/07/2010 09:36

Poor you

Does the neighbour have a parking space? If so she's only complaining that her visitors have to park a bit further away from her house. In which case she is being petty.

Ideally I'd leave it for now and just call the plods if it happens again after warning her that you will. But if you are frightened of her I think you have to contact the police. She needs to know that you won't put up with it.

OnlyWantsOne · 23/07/2010 09:36

Oh, and I do feel sorry for you, my neighbour is a complete monster about parking.

She hasnt spoken to me in over 2 weeks but has remarked loudly in her garden what a little fucker my 3 year old is... charming

DameGladys · 23/07/2010 09:39

Perhaps you could contact the police and ask for your account of it to be put on record confidentially but for no action to be taken? I have no idea if that's possible but then at least it's documented if anything further happens.

However, at the moment, it does sound like it's been 'sorted' so may be best not to rock the boat. I know it leaves you feeling upset and even scared of her, but I can't see that being improved by the police knocking on her door tbh.

Doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong, but obviously it's worth being neighbourly and parking in the drive if ever your DH is not coming home or something. I'm sure you do that anyway.

Is it worth contacting the council to see if there are any plans to introduce resident permits on your street. It's bound to happen sooner or later. You may even be able to prompt discussions about it if you can show it's causing problems at the moment. You could get people on your street to sign a petition or something.

poppy34 · 23/07/2010 09:39

Erm I do have a little sympathy with your neighbours irritation about parking (but not her behaviour) as I can see how it would be galling in a street with limited parking that you weren't using your drive (albeit for reasons you stated).
Did cab suggest you talk to police or just tell you it's harassment? Whether you decide to talk to them or not I would keep a diary of incidents from now on.

TheButterflyEffect · 23/07/2010 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

alicatte · 23/07/2010 09:41

Thank you for feeding back to me, I feel really unsure what to do.

S doesn't even have a car, thats another bizarre twist.

We don't have any permit scheme but we are the first road that doesn't Its just that going to the police seems so serious. I do have a drop kerb - this has all been such a shock. I think the worst thing is that I have been seen by neighbours shouting in the street.

OP posts:
poppy34 · 23/07/2010 09:42

And agree avoid her- if she is on holiday you have some time out from her. It isn't nice to have neighbours like that- we used to have neighbour who complained about us putting hall lights on at night(quite how I was meant to get in the house was never explained) and I cracked open the champagne when they
Moved out.

poppy34 · 23/07/2010 09:43

If she doesn't have a car I take it back - she is being a loon.

alicatte · 23/07/2010 09:43

Yes CAB did say go to the police.

OP posts:
alicatte · 23/07/2010 09:45

I have been trying to avoid her but she was waiting for me in the street.

I can see she's upset - I don't want to make it worse for her. Unfortunately I'm upset too.

OP posts:
poppy34 · 23/07/2010 09:45

Then just pop In and tell them what you have here- the only issue is are you planning on in house as it may be that if you report a dispute with neighbours to police It's something you may need to disclose on sale info.

Lynli · 23/07/2010 09:46

Just smile and wave, smile and wave. Do what you want and ignore her.

She is not worth getting upset about. I have a neighbour like this she phoned the police because DH parked on the road opposite her house. She wants no one to park opposite her house or next to her drive so that she can get out. The police told her to take driving lessons.

There are certain people who you just cannot reason with.

GiddyPickle · 23/07/2010 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

30andMerkin · 23/07/2010 09:47

My understanding is that if you have a driveway/dropped kerb, she is breaking the law by blocking you in... although I could be wrong.

Maybe have a word with the council to find out the deal?

Casserole · 23/07/2010 09:47

Well, initially I thought just stay out of her way but then I went back and re-read your OP and particularly the bit about her actual confrontation and I think I'd prob go to the police actually.

I do have some sympathy with her position - I'd find your parking behaviour a bit annoying too actually! - but regardless of that she doesn't have the right to shout at and verbally abuse you in the street, no-one does. And I'd think it a good lesson to teach your boys that they don't need to be intimidated in their home when something like that happens, and to speak out against bullying generally. Because that's what this was.

TheCrackFox · 23/07/2010 09:47

She doesn't have a car?

The parking where I live is awful but I take no notice because I can't drive.

She sounds seriously weird.

poppy34 · 23/07/2010 09:48

Lol at police response lynil and yes the parking on drive bit not road from the book of pub law.

RealityKicksArse · 23/07/2010 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AmazingBouncingFerret · 23/07/2010 09:50

Dont worry about being seen shouting, We are all allowed to lose our temper at times.
YANBU.
You parking on the street is probably annoying to your neighbour considering you have the driveway, but you told her your reasons and she should of dropped it.

Make a note of all the times she has spoken/shouted at you and then if anything does happen again and you feel you want to talk to the police you have a list of dates and conversations.

Sorry about your father and that your mother is ill. it is incredibly nasty of her to call you a liar and she sounds unhinged for saying she saw your mother in the street!

bonkerz · 23/07/2010 09:52

we have a parking issue in our street too and have been through council and police for the issues, mainly us getting blocked in our drive too!

legally anyone can park on the road as long as there are no yellow lines etc. It IS illegal to park on a drop kerb OR blocking someones drive though! Your neighbour does not own the road and unless its allocated parking ANYONE can park ANYWHERE even outside your property as long as they dont block your driveway.
this is more harrassment though and i would suggest a call to police to log the argument and then maybe a call to the council who could send out letters to the street about courtious parking.
would highly recommend keeping a log regarding parking and any altercations from now on and if you get blocked in the take pics of car as evidence.

after a year of photo taking and logging my neighbour now parks more considerately and has stopped even looking at me! LOL

TheLifeOfRiley · 23/07/2010 09:54

Can I make sure I have understood? When you are parking on the street are you parking in front of your own drive/drop kerb? Therefore just blocking the space in front of your drive so your DH can park on it when he gets home?

If this is right I don't see what her problem is?

If you have a drive and a drop kerb and you are parking elsewhere then I could partly see her point - but she doesn't even have a car!

She sounds like a loon.

DinahRod · 23/07/2010 09:56

She's an unreasonable & obsessive loon. What does she want from you - your father's death certificate?! You have every right to park outside your house whether you have a drive or not.

Ignore her for now and assume that she's been put in her place by you & dh. But if she in any way steps out of line again then recourse to the police and if need be a firmly worded solicitor's letter re harassment.

SanctiMoanyArse · 23/07/2010 09:58

Have a chat with the local PCSO team; we have probs with aprking ehre too and sometimes people aprk so close to the door (one of those cottages with no garden) we physically can't get out or in, using the 'I paid me tax' excuse. have ahad a chat with PCSO team now and when it happens they send someone over to ticket them for obstruction.

Otherwise she's a most unpleasant character and TBH i would steer well clear; if she's waiitng dip head and walk on past. We had a neighbour like this (still do) adn I refused to enagge and now we have a simple strict do-not-accknowledge thing going on both wats which is fine by me!

Good lcuk