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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want my little boy to enjoy being a little boy?

152 replies

thisisyesterday · 21/07/2010 20:40

ds1 is 5 and a bit. He still quite likes watching Thomas with his little brother, building big railways with his wooden trainset, playing with mud and sticks in the garden, helping me bake in the kitchen....

but he keeps coming home from school saying "D and G say Thomas is for babies. they watch Dr Who, Dr Who is cooler"

ffs. thjey're FIVE years old! dr who??? really??
I feel so sad that he can't just enjoy being a little boy and doing stuff little boys like because his "friends" at school are telling him that it's babyish and that programmes aimed at adults are so much "cooler"

he's so easily led bless him, and he has never seen Dr Who in his life, but now talk is all on daleks and all sorts

I wasn't expecting this for a while yet

OP posts:
lowenergylightbulb · 23/07/2010 05:59

Just wait until you have an 11 year old boy whose friends all claim to have watched the SAW movies and other delectable treats.

BTW - my son did watch power rangers etc when he was 4 or so - at the same time as enjoying thomas...

I think he was 6ish when Dr Who came back and was a fan from the get go.

EightiesChick · 23/07/2010 09:47

cory I don't think talking about watching tv though is in the same category as saying 'you shouldn't touch babies with brown skin'. I would definitely want a teacher to intervene if something like that was said in my DC's class. Suitable viewing is something parents can agree to disagree on.

cory · 23/07/2010 09:53

Oh, didn't mean the brown skin comment, Eighties- that would have been clamped down on automatically in any school my dcs have atttended and rightly so; any school should have a strong anti-racist policy which they adhere to and which is regularly explained to the children in terms suited to their age

I thought the OP was also talking about unsuitable TV programmes; that to me is a different matter, as no two of us are going to agree on what is unsuitable

EightiesChick · 23/07/2010 09:59

cory Oh sure, with you on that one.

tokyonambu · 23/07/2010 10:16

"There's no actual death in SJA though, which I think is a key difference."

Yes, but not in a good way.

Take two westerns. Consider, perhaps, Sturges' Magnificent Seven (PG, as a legacy of originally being A) and Eastwood's Unforgiven (15, as initially certificated). In both of them, there is killing and injuring, both with guns and fists.

In M7 it's consequence free: people are shot, fall to the ground, and either get up (it's only a flesh wound) or don't. But you know that when the cameras stop, they all stand up and have a beer. The same applies, more so, for High Noon (U). The idea that actions have consequences is completely obscured.

Unforgiven, Eastwood's masterpiece, continued the concept of the revisionist western, and is quite clearly violent. It portrays nasty, violent people as nasty and violent, and it's visceral in the way that the violence hurts. It's a deeply, profoundly moral piece. It upset some people who watched it, and so it damned well should.

I don't think that violence should be made glamourous. Peckinpah was attacked when he made The Wild Bunch because it showed people dying in a way that wasn't photogenic (although later, of course, he was criticised because it's too photogenic!) I don't think children should be shown prettified violence: if you are prepared to show them fights and killings (which appear to be a staple of cartoon programmes, which were mostly banned chez nous) then you should be very clear in your mind why you wouldn't show them Reservoir Dogs alongside (which, for the record, I wouldn't).

There's a film theorist who says that she'd rather they saw neither, but given the choice she'd show her children Reservoir Dogs over Bambi. I think she's exaggerating for rhetorical effect (say it isn't so!) but she makes a generally good point: if you won't show children realistic violence, you shouldn't show them it tidied up, either.

UnquietDad · 23/07/2010 10:24

I think you are totally barking up the wrong tree there, to be honest. SJA doesn't do "prettified violence."

Gotabookaboutit · 23/07/2010 10:30

Hate the way ''Norman Price'' is always the 'naughty' boy as if every other child in FS is perfect.

Hate the awful sneryness of Thomas and the crap representation of women

UnquietDad · 23/07/2010 10:31

Yeah, Norman's always the scapegoat. It's pure gingerism...

Chandon · 23/07/2010 10:36

My DS is 8 and officially loves Dinosaur King, Star Wars etc. But...

He also likes "Grandpa in my pocket" and Thomas (still), but he has learned to keep quiet about that to his peers.

I told him that lots of boys pretend only to like the tough-boy stuff, but that he can watch what he likes and doesn`t owe anyone an explanation.

Right now his fave programme is "Brainiac", now that is an odd programme!

ihearttc · 23/07/2010 11:08

I haven't managed to read the whole thread but we are having the same situation here as well. DS is 5 and now finishing reception (sob sob!) and is still very much a little boy at home and loves watching Postman Pat (his all time favourite) and most of the other programmes on c-beebies but at school desperately wants to be "cool" like the other boys.

Like Weblette said we are also quite lucky in a way because our DS is also totally obsessed with trains and would much rather watch a train programme/dvd than anything else so although he knows Ben 10 etc is cool he still won't watch it and for that I am very very grateful. He is still very much a boys boy (if that makes sense!) and really loves Top Gear (all he wants is to meet James May) and watches football with daddy so he still "fits in" in that way but at the same time retaining his innocence. He is a complete softie though and cried in Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 when the old lady in the wheelchair fell down the stairs cause he thought she was going to die and he won't watch Cars anymore cause its too sad when Lightening Mcqueen is lonely...don't think Im going to have to worry about scary programmes for a while yet lol!

I think its really sad though that most children are almost being forced to grow up early...when I was that age (in the early 1980's!) Postman Pat,Bagpuss,Button Moon etc were aimed at that age group so how on earth has it changed so much???

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 23/07/2010 11:16

Bambi's hardly consequence-free, either -- generations of children have been traumatised by the idea of a small deer's mother being shot and disappearing from his life, because that's something they can relate to. Would it really be a better movie if it broke away from Bambi's POV to track back for a graphic animated close-up of the bullet wound?

And I disagree strongly about High Noon -- there's very little violence in it, IIRC, just a burst towards the end. But the building sense of menace and the knowledge of how high the stakes are are there throughout the film. I don't see that Unforgiven-style violence would enhance it. Its arguments about violence and pacifism and law and compromising principles are more abstract and less visceral than Unforgiven's, but there's room for both approaches.

At the same time, I agree that prettified violence can be far more concerning than more realistic violence.

(I suspect they all got up when the cameras on Unforgiven stopped rolling, too...)

Morloth · 23/07/2010 11:20

There was a scene in Powre Rangers where the goody had soundly beaten the baddy and he was groaning on his knees. Goody then runs over to Baddy and says "Oh no, I didn't mean to hurt you", which begs the question as to why he was trying to kick him in the head in the first place.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 23/07/2010 11:32

I am 100% with you OP - I think this is the equivalent of girls and too-old clothes really

My DS has just finished in reception, is 5.5 yrs

he is still obsessed with Thomas, fireman sam, likes postman pat - he likes monsters inc, shrek and stuff but we are SOOOOO not into ben 10, power rangers, dr who and all that aggressive monster/transformer stuff

friend who is a nursery techer had a 3 yo child draw her a monster thats just so sad IMO

as a previous poster said, the progression of this keeping up with the cool boys will be wanting 18 rated games and videos at 11 - if they have never been used to having stuff JUST because others do, then its less of an issue

we are a DS, Wii, Xbox free house and my kids are not missing out AT ALL

dinkystinky · 23/07/2010 11:38

DS1 is 4 - he talks about ben 10, power rangers, teenage mutant ninja turtles, xmen etc all the time - even though he's never seen any of those programmes, he has several of those toy figurines and age appropriate spidermen and his friends magazines. Its definitely nursery peers influencing this - and I see it all part of him growing up (which makes me sad but clearly makes him happy).... But he still loves Charlie & Lola, Numberjacks, Peppa Pig etc and playing with lego and his trainsets. I sky-plused a Ben 10 cartoon once for him and he was too scared to watch it.

All this talk of Dr Who fandom reminds me of my friends little boy who heard of Dr Who from his friends at school and very seriously told his mummy at home that night about the "Garlics" who were fighting with "Dr Woo"

UptoapointLordCopper · 23/07/2010 11:40

Dinky - we had "garlics" too.

Oblomov · 23/07/2010 11:46

Reception is a bit like this,a s others have said a bit competitive.
I do question whether dr who, satr wars, indiana are o.k. for year 1's. it is all ds1 wants to watch.it is o.k. with me, i think.
at age 6.5, mid to end yr1, ( i do appreciate that Op was talkign about reception)i do think Thomas is a bit babyish. i don't like the sneering engines either.
But my ds is scared by nothing. my friends ds, in yr1 is scared by everything and is only allowed to watch cbeebies. nothing else.
i think she is a bit helicopter, but there you go.

thursday · 23/07/2010 11:55

you watch the Rich Hall programme about westerns the other night too?

JustKeepSwimming · 23/07/2010 18:39

A line i've always ended up saying is "they have the rest of their lives to watch X , while they will still watch CBeebies, let them, after all once they've moved on that'll be it"

I am very reassured to see that lots of you have found that your DSs do go back/stay with some of the younger porgrammes, so thank you

BigWeeHag · 23/07/2010 19:09

Doctor Who and Star Wars are family stuff. Like Labyrinth and Neverending Story and Stardust and about a million other things we have watched and loved together. Perfect for Year 1s, IMO.

All that's banned in this house are soaps (all of them) and anything that Annoys Mummy, so crappy cartoons. (I like decent cartoons, recently bought them Dungeons and dragons

ponceydog · 23/07/2010 19:13

As soon as kids go to school they pick up ideas from their pals. Just ride with it and don't confuse it with not being little any more.

tokyonambu · 23/07/2010 19:29

And of course, Star Wars has the advantage that you can use it as a prelude for a few Nazi propaganda films to broaden your children's knowledge of the world. The final sequence in A New Hope, where the medals are handed out to the victorious pilots, is taken pretty much shot for shot (along with most of the mise en scene) from Triumph des Willens, Leni Riefenstahl's film of the 1934 Nazi Party Congress in Nuremberg. Oh George, you're such a card, you and your filmschool japes. He couldn't direct traffic, so that he had to nick stuff from a more talented director is hardly a surprise. But it's a little, oh, shall we say odd that the first film that leapt to mind for a bit of thieving was a Nazi propaganda film.

Coming next: Bob the Builder is asked to put in some better handrails on the Odessa Steps.

CoinOperatedGirl · 23/07/2010 21:11

I hate this idea that children in primary school all have to conform to be popular and liked. Teach them to be individual and not give in to peer pressure.

My ds(3) liked Dr Who (series 5) for about 5 minutes until the daleks disappeared, then he was bored (so was I tbh, but thats another thread). Dd isn't a girly girl and a few weeks into reception asked for a doll and a hannah montana sonething or other. That lasted about 5 minutes too, she went back to bloody sonic or pokemon, bane of my life.

I don't really get the whole gun paranoia either tbh. It's not like America where kids are actually likely to come across real guns.

UnquietDad · 23/07/2010 22:16

I don't foam at the mouth with gun-paranoia either. As a child I had a plastic machine-gun, two cap-pistols and a couple of "laser" guns, but I haven't exactly grown up to be a gun-toting psychopath or a zealous militarist - quite the opposite. Quite happy for DS and DD to have a few toy guns as part of their wider selection of toys.

UnquietDad · 23/07/2010 22:18

Justkeepswimming - my DS is 7 and into MI High, Shrek, Doctor Who etc., but occasionally I will find him "comfort watching" something like In The Night Garden.

"It reminds me of when I was little, daddy" he says!

fernie3 · 23/07/2010 22:31

my 3 year son old likes dr who he also loves thomas and winnie the pooh. I dont think he has seen anything like power rangers or ben 10 yet but I wouldnt be too horrified if he did.

I dont think you can really change what they talk about at school but at the same time I wouldnt say that a child watching dr who is being forced into early adulthood!

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