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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want my little boy to enjoy being a little boy?

152 replies

thisisyesterday · 21/07/2010 20:40

ds1 is 5 and a bit. He still quite likes watching Thomas with his little brother, building big railways with his wooden trainset, playing with mud and sticks in the garden, helping me bake in the kitchen....

but he keeps coming home from school saying "D and G say Thomas is for babies. they watch Dr Who, Dr Who is cooler"

ffs. thjey're FIVE years old! dr who??? really??
I feel so sad that he can't just enjoy being a little boy and doing stuff little boys like because his "friends" at school are telling him that it's babyish and that programmes aimed at adults are so much "cooler"

he's so easily led bless him, and he has never seen Dr Who in his life, but now talk is all on daleks and all sorts

I wasn't expecting this for a while yet

OP posts:
mitochondria · 21/07/2010 23:13

Peer pressure has a lot to answer for - my youngest now tells me that "pink is for girls" when it used to be his favourite colour.

I don't see a problem with Star Wars (the proper ones) - as others have said they are a U certificate and are kids films.

I don't let my boys (5 and 3) watch Dr Who yet though as it's just too scary - although I know a lot of their classmates watch it - usually those with older siblings.

Am very glad that neither of them like Thomas - it's so dull.

3 year old would watch Peppa flipping Pig all day if I let him, and his brother says he'd rather watch "cartoons" but seems to know every episode.....

domesticsluttery · 22/07/2010 08:01

"I think there is a great sense of wanting to be cool and fit in with the big ones when you are 4 or 5 and just starting school. IME it wears off a bit once they get to 6 and they relax a bit!"

Bramshott that is very true. DS2 has just turned 6 and doesn't seem to be as influenced by his friends now. He just seeks out new friends with similar interests to him!

StealthPolarBear · 22/07/2010 08:13

DS is 3 and has a Dalek - would never actually let him watch Dr Who though! He's also into Spiderman, Superman, Thomas, Disney Cars, Buzz Lightyear...basically anything animated

cory · 22/07/2010 08:27

You may find they surprise you as teenagers, preghead, by doing totally their own thing.

Came into ds' (10) bedroom the other night and found he had used his sister's glittery felt tip for scrawling a tribute to Nelson Mundler (Mandela) on his bedroom wall. Am pretty sure this was nothing to do with peer pressure (or indeed parental pressure), but wholly his own initiative. He has heard a lot about South Africa in relation to the World Cup and was clearly deeply moved by the struggle against apartheid. Got cross at first and told him he would have to repaint the wall- but I think I might change my mind...

I imagine he probably will be difficult as a teenager. But I'd be surprised if it's a way of being difficult caused by mindless following of his peers; I expect he'll find a way that is all his own.

MathsMadMummy · 22/07/2010 08:42

aww cory that's lovely of your DS!

preghead am at that family

anyway OP, YANBU. dreading all this really, though I suppose learning to deal with peer pressure is an important part of growing up. just wish it didn't happen so early! and itll cost so much money I expect

MathsMadMummy · 22/07/2010 08:48

oh, and about what TV is appropriate for kids... well I suppose it is personal choice. I admit we used to have stuff like Dr Who on when DD was younger as she wasn't actually watching it herself, but we're strict now as she gets scared of monsters etc.

DH's DDs live with their mum, and have been allowed/encouraged to watch crap like CSI, NCIS etc since they were FIVE - DH has always tried to stop this, they were always talking about stabbings etc (although not in a I-want-to-kill-you way IYSWIM) but his ex just carries on.

Oh, but the really funny thing is, now at age 12 they are still not allowed to watch the Simpsons - apparently that is a bad influence

lukewarmcupoftea · 22/07/2010 09:09

Oh but the simpsons is really subversive! You'd only get it if you were an adult though, can't imagine that much trauma would be involved for a child watching it (although they might get some great ideas about challenging authority from Bart!).

yellowkiwi · 22/07/2010 09:27

My ds is also 5. I hoped his Bob lunchbox would last him through Reception and he was fine with it but he was bothered by comments from other children that it was babyish. He watches Dr Who and loves it so I bought him a Dr Who one. Reception seems to be a very competitve age and being cool is very important to them so I've tried to to follow his lead a bit with this. It hasn't stopped him being a very sweet little boy and he's started to get on better with other children.

lilllysa · 22/07/2010 09:49

I hate stuff like this

My DD is 4 and spends a decent amount of time with out neighbours 4yr old boy He watches whatever he wants - ANYTHING- Horror films violence. anything that happens to be on! . . He plays 18+games on his DS and is always coming out with "quotes" and saying he wants people dead or to kill them!

Luckily my DD is blissfully aware and still loves horses fairys and ben and holly lol!

Poshpaws · 22/07/2010 10:01

Ds1 (9) loves Ben and Holly. He also loves Cartoon Network, Top Gear and kick-boxing.

I agree with Morloth completely. DS1 went through nursery and Reception with his Thomas rucksack. That changed in Year 1 when he wanted a Dr Who lunch pack. I was fine with this. He got very bored very quickly with the programme. Again, that was ok.

DS2 (5) does not seem to care about the influence of others...yet. He will choose to watch Peppa Pig over the Star Wars or Ben 10 cartoons. Did not stop him asking for Ben10 stuff for his birthday because he had heard about it. Still fine with that.

DS3 keeps re-enacting Power Rangers (for a few minutes, then gets bored and does something else ). He has never seen it and I am assuming this is a nursery influence thing.

If my DSs' peers were asking them to slap another child in the face, etc, then I would worry. Peer pressure will always be there. It is how your child and you respond to it that matters.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 22/07/2010 10:13

DS is 3. He loves Peppa Pig and Ben and Holly but will also watch anything that has a dinosaur or a dragon in it. (except Dinosaur King, I refuse to let him watch that!)

He mentions Dr Who because he has seen a couple of episodes when we have been round my parents house on a Saturday evening and we were all ignoring the children avidly watching it!

He plays with guns but tends to shoot monsters and dinosaurs.

Im dreading the day he mentions Power Rangers or anything similar to Pokemon, but on the same note im really looking forward to when he is old enough to appreciate me reading the Harry Potter books to him.

The only things ive noticed him say is the "pink is for girls" thing which ive told him is silly and not true. I think it's helped at nursery that he is best friends with 2 little girls and another equally shy and quiet boy!

yellowvan · 22/07/2010 10:21

But fitting in is important when youre primary school age. Children are much more conservative in their interests than adults, and being able to talk/play about the latest tv, games or whatever gives them social currency. You may not think its important, but when youre in primary school, it(feels like it) is.

To deny them that social currency (whether you like the means by which it is won or not)is nt helpful to their social development. So keeping them in pursuits usually enjoyed by much younger children can be poor for their self esteem.

By all means have a conversation with them about the really inappropriate (18 films and the like), but a activities a tiny bit above the officially endorsed age are definitely fair game.

Morloth · 22/07/2010 10:29

Dinosaur King for instance pisses me the fuck off. They have put one in at the playcentre we frequent. I am NOT putting pound coin after pound coin into that thing. Yesterday we went and I had to be such a meany because I wouldn't cough up. Had already paid 10quid to get in.

V. annoying, I liked our playcentre because it is huge and air conditioned (I get really bad hayfever), had decent coffee/newspapers/comfy lounges etc. But some of the enjoyment is gone now as I am in the position of saying No and DS feeling excluded or I say yes and waste money, worst of all he now wants to get money out of his money box to feed the thing. So we won't be going back in a hurry.

tokyonambu · 22/07/2010 10:55

The BBFC originally proposed that 12A certification would have a hard floor at 8, but a variety of industry interests stopped it. I find it moderately outrageous that many parents now treat 12A as a synonym for PG which is in turn a synonym for U, which results in (to quote a real life example) a petrified child sat with their chav mother at the opening night of The Dark Knight (a film which was, by pretty general consensus, under-certificated at 12A and should have been a 15).

But on the other hand, TV programmes have bizarre certification issues. To take Doctor Who, it's shown at 6.45 or 7.15 on a Saturday, so can be assumed to be as mainstream family entertainment as it gets. On the other hand, the second and fourth post-reboot series are certificated 12 as DVD releases, although the third is PG. Something's messed up there. Meanwhile Torchwood, which veers wildly in tone, has been probably accurately certified at 15 but is marketed as just another DW spin-off. But Don't Look Now is now certified 15, as is The Wicker Man, both of which have many more issues for children (they were originally released as a double bill: what a night at the flicks that must have been).

One problem is that a whole set of films that parent today will remember from their youth are ludicrously over-certified. Both Bladerunner and Once Upon a Time in the West have 15 certificates, as they were originally AA (14) and all AA films were bulk-changed to 15s (at the time, the only alternative would have been PG: 12A came later). The former is clearly less troublesome than The Dark Knight, the latter is for practical purposes just another Western (albeit the best ever made). As a result, even well meaning and engaged parents may assume that 15 now is OK for children, on the grounds that films they know are 15s; unfortunately, today the BBFC will certify pretty well anything that doesn't contain graphic sexualised violence at 15. Don't Look Now, The Wicker Man and Apocalypse Now are now 15s because they were Xs, then 18s, and have been re-certificated as part of restoration and re-editing. But then, both Son of Rambow and Be Kind Rewind, which my daughters loved at about ten, are 12As (they saw trailers, they wanted to go).

It's all a shambles. I don't like the conflation of sex with violence, I don't like the marketing of adult films to children; I had a heated correspondence with the BBFC over trailers for Juno being shown in a screening of a U film, and I really object to PG'd trailers for 18 films being shown in early evening 12A presentations. I think that in cinemas, no trailers should be permitted for any film whose certificate is higher than the feature presentation. I don't like the way the BBC constantly ups the ante, by using Sarah Jane Adventures to draw in an audience for Torchwood as just another spin-off. I don't like the way that parents insist that their children are somehow older and encourage them to consume older material (and, in passing, take their children to workshops and courses that are too old for them because they are just so advanced). I've decided to stick absolutely to certification in cinemas (ie, you go to 15s when you are 15 and not a day before), pre-screen by seeing them myself 12As unless the Parents' BBFC site (which I heartily recommend) seems unambiguous and only permit DVDs under supervision (we only have one TV).

But the kids love Doctor Who. And have done since the Ecclestone off, when they were about 5 and 7.

SexyDomesticatedDad · 22/07/2010 11:23

Guess as we have 4 boys we have got more relaxed about it - DS1 was much more into Thomas and stuff like that. DS4 (5) really enjoys Dr Who (and even watched quite a bit of Lord of The rings whilst huddled up with his uncle). Stil enjoys playing with the big wooden train set we collected over the years and other such stuff. Times have moved on and the youngest 2 are just much more used to seeing / having access to older type toys.

MathsMadMummy · 22/07/2010 11:55

anyone who lets their kid watch Torchwood is insane! we won't be letting DD watch Dr Who for a few years at least, thank goodness for iplayer.

can I ask, WTF is Dinosaur King

tokyonambu · 22/07/2010 12:08

``anyone who lets their kid watch Torchwood is insane''

Depends on their age. My 14 year old daughter with the DW obsession would probably enjoy some of the earlier ones. The all week one last year, which had nothing like the sex or violence of the first and second series, was enjoyed by by children at 11 and 13, with us sat with them. It had been toned down for BBC1, of course.

MathsMadMummy · 22/07/2010 12:30

yes the children of earth one was ok.

I never really thought that Torchwood was marketed as 'just another DW spin-off' though - I thought it was obvious it's for grownups?

SalFresco · 22/07/2010 12:32

DS1 got into Dr WHo at 3, I can't remember how, as neither DH or I liked it at all (it's a different story now though!) I do make a distinction between things like pokemon, power rangers, etc, which have no discernible story line, and things like Dr Who, Ghostbusters (probably DS1's favourite film) Star Wars. In fact, I think a lot of stuff on Cbeebies - which I often hear being described as "quality" or "educational" - is utter shite. In The Night Garden, The Waybuloos are two examples which spring to mind! DS1 is still very much a little boy, and I know children who watch no tv at all who play "guns" and "fighting", which DS1 does not. I am quite relaxed about it all,but it does annoy me that people assume this means I set no boundaries for appropriate viewing at all.

tokyonambu · 22/07/2010 12:49

For some bizarre reason, Torchwood Series 2 Episode 1, and possibly Episode 2, were re-shown in a pre-watershed slot in which they were claimed to have been edited for younger viewers, but in reality hadn't been changed in any material way. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiss_Kiss,Bang_Bang(Torchwood)#Ratings_and_later_broadcast That initiative stopped pretty quickly. Captain Jack had just returned to Doctor Who, so broadcasting a pre-watershed episode of TW featuring a popular character from DW was a pretty obvious come-on for a younger audience to push the 9pm boundary. The episode in question was also much frothier than some of the other material, so would also have given an entirely inaccurate view of the series' tone to new viewers.

EightiesChick · 22/07/2010 12:52

at the stuff preghead's DS's classmate is coming out with. Have you mentioned it to the teacher at all? I know s/he can't police all the kids' one-on-one conversations, but at least then s/he'd be on the lookout for any statements like 'Pink is for girls' etc and can talk to the class about them if the opportunity comes up.

to think of my DS, who is still a toddler, having to deal with all this. I do think of Dr Who as a children's programme, but would have said about 7+ rather than 4-5. Not to criticise anyone's DC who are under 7 and love it, but I wouldn't expect all 4-5 year olds to be ready for it by any means.

ivykiller · 22/07/2010 13:11

I home-ed my son (6) and he is heavily into Thomas, I would be heartbroken if he was out off it by teasing from his peers!! I wholeheartedly think that children are pressured to grow up far too quick and it is very sad . When I suggest to my DS that he will grow out of Thomas eventually he is horrified, he's convinced he will love them forever...bless...

thisisyesterday · 22/07/2010 19:24

i know it's important for them to fit in,. hence why i haven't done anything about this other than have a moan on here!

i know peer pressure will kick in sooner or later, i just wasn't expecting it in reception! i don't think these other boys are more mature, or have parents who are guided by their child... i think the parents WANT their kids to like these things, that's why they let/encourage them to watch them
and that is what irks me. that is directly affecting my son who was NOT ready to move on to this kind of thing until their children started telling him he was a baby

i want him to be able to grow up at his own pace, not one forced by other children

and as for witholding "social currency" i have to disagree totally
I spoke to the nursery manager about this when ds1 was still in nursery and she said she has seen a fair few kids who don't have television at home and not one of them has suffered from it
partly because the range of shows aimed at children is sooooo broad. it isn't like it use to be when everyone had watched the exact same episode of superman the day before and coulkd talk about it at school, and because the children learnt about these shows and characters from friends and simply built their own picture of it in their head and that didn't hold them back in the least

this has been my experience of it too, i haven't told ds1 he can't have a ben 10 lunch bag, or that he mustn't draw daleks on his teachers good-bye card.
i just won't let him watch them

OP posts:
shouldhavebeenblonde · 22/07/2010 19:38

i was very sad when my ds came home and said that he couldn't use his ben10 towel as it wasn't cool anymore even tho he still likes to watch it. i've been trying to explain to him that sometimes its important to stand up to people sometimes and say "actually i do still like that program and who are you to dictate what's cool" but maybe i'm being overambitious

thisisyesterday · 22/07/2010 19:47

shouldhavebeenblonde, we can but try!

in fact, i think it's important that we do keep repeating messages like that.
right now they may choose to ignore it because peer pressure is too strong, but it might sink in and one day come in useful!

we have also had the pink is for girls and blue is for boys, boys don't play with girls, girls are not as clever as boys... etc etc etc

OP posts: