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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I suspect you are all going to say IABU, DH says I am

112 replies

Saltire · 18/07/2010 10:53

However, AIBU to be annoyed at this.
The photos of SIL's wedding are out, and there is one of the bride and groom holding a very long handled umbrella over themselves. She has copied all the photos from the offical photographers site onto her facebook page. Someone made a comment "oh that's big umbrella". I then commented, "not really, it just looks big because they are both small, ha ha ha" (SIL is 5ft2, new BIL is 5ft 4).

FIL has then commented "Oh I wonder what size of umbrella they would need to cover you saltire, a parachute probably"

Now, I have got annoyed at this as I read it as him saying I am so fat that i need a parachute to cover me from teh rain. DH says "well you were very rude about SIL, what do you expect".

OP posts:
MrsSawdust · 18/07/2010 11:11

I see now that you are not fat. You are tall. Why take it as meaning fat?

Also, it's extremely insulting to have 'short' insults from tall people. Very patronising in fact. Like you are looking down on the little people. I know that's how it makes my dh feel (he is 5'6)

slushy · 18/07/2010 11:11

Firstly FIL didn't call you fat, if you are 6ft and a size 10 he did exactly what you did and commented on your height. So it was funny for you to take the piss out of someone's height on their wedding day but not okay for someone to take the piss out of your height on someones wedding photos

hockeypuck · 18/07/2010 11:12

I think people are being too harsh on you Saltire, but I can also see why FIL would feel the need to stick up for them if he construed your messages as negative. So firstly, I would write under his comment - "oh dear, I didn't mean this to be a negative comment, I love this picture" or something like that - which then makes him look worse.

Secondly, where you are totally NBU, that comment on his facebook page about you walking in to the room is ENTIRELY out of order - I am furious for you!! If your DH does nothing about this then he has some serious problems about defending you. Do you not get on with your FIL? I would not want a person like that on my facebook, or in my life and if my FIL said something like that about me I would boycot all family occasions. Don't ever let anyone close to you speak to you like that, you don't need to have people like that around you.

littleshinyone · 18/07/2010 11:12

i don't think she actually meant 'ha ha ha, they're so small'

i took the comment to be just a funny thing to say about perspective because of the big umbrella, if you see what i mean

the comment FIL made about her coming in to the room was horrid... i'd hate to have a destructive relationship with my FIL like that.

Poor you Saltire. But 6ft and 10 st- you sound georgeous!

5DollarShake · 18/07/2010 11:24

Honestly - if you can't take it, don't dish it. Simples.

Why does your FIL dislike you so much?

OnEdge · 18/07/2010 11:28

Ha haaa !! You asked for that one.

You insulted them first, what do you expect ?

Marjee · 18/07/2010 11:31

Yanbu unless you knew before you made the comment that they are sensitive about their height - in which case your comment was either insensitive or intended as an insult. I'm fairly short and don't care who comments on it so I wouldn't assume they would be offended. Your fil sounds nasty though and your dh needs to let him know that insulting you is not on. Hockeypuck has a great suggestion about commenting back on fb, I would definitely do that.

paisleyleaf · 18/07/2010 11:32

littleshinyone, she did mean to comment on their size - she said about them being 5ft2/5ft4

NorkyButNice · 18/07/2010 11:34

Why would you think it's ok to put a rude comment (jokey or otherwise) on someone's wedding picture?

If you already don't get on with them then they were never going to take it as a good humoured quip.

You certainly have no grounds for complaining about Fil comment.

HerBeatitude · 18/07/2010 11:34

Yes, sorry, I'm with your DH on this one.

If I were you I'd just take it in the same spirit your comment was offered.

Lauriefairycake · 18/07/2010 11:34

I'm not sure what the problem is - you commented on their height, he then commented on yours

You should definitely be more concerned about coming 4th in the list of your dh's

That's shit.

Goblinchild · 18/07/2010 11:35

Maybe her FIL doesn't like her because he thinks she's not a very likeable person?
Perhaps she is usually the source of discord at family gatherings?
I haven't caught previous episodes, so I don't know what saltire is like as a character.

slushy · 18/07/2010 11:35

Women are not usually self conscious about height, but a short man is usually very self conscious about being short IME.

Besides which why is it hurtful for FIL to joke about op's height but not hurtful for op to joke about SIL's and BILs height .

ZacharyQuack · 18/07/2010 11:36

Back awaaaaay from Facebook. 'tis the devil's playground.

SloanyPony · 18/07/2010 11:38

Ok, so you are tall and enviably thin (in my opinion at 10 stone and 6 foot!) so he can't have been having a go at your weight - only height which is all you were doing.

The second comment you mention was pretty rude however - but could it be that your feelings about this wedding have been spilling over into real life and you have been guilty of putting a dampener on certain aspects of it?

If not, or even if so, feck it anyway, its over, they are in-laws, you are not supposed to be all in love and stuff.

SagacityNell · 18/07/2010 11:49

You commented on their size so someone commented on yours.

They just did what you did. Except you did it to their wedding photo's not some random snap on a night out which is what makes you out of order here. sorry.

thursday · 18/07/2010 11:50

strange to assume he was calling you fat when the obvious answer is he was turning your comment back on you to see how you like it. not a bit apparently.

sounds like theres serious history here, so whilst your comment could have been taken as light banter if everyone was on good terms, it also sounds a bit petty and mean to mock someone on their wedding photos.

re short people not liking being short = i'm 5ft 2 and perfectly happy with that.

LittleMissHissyFit · 18/07/2010 11:58

Saltire, if you'd have made the remark to anyone else, of say average height, then tbh you would have been cracking a pretty good joke and that would be that.

Sadly it was your SIL, she is short, and perhaps more importantly so is her DH. So sadly you're never likely to get any points for comedy with them..

As funny a comment as it was, it's one that perhaps is better 'live' and not cold and in black and white.

You could say back to the parachute comment, No, not to cover me, but to help me come into land to sit down..... or similar....

DH does need to call a halt to it all, by being the Comedy Policeman and say enough is enough, move along now, nothing more to see....

diddl · 18/07/2010 12:04

Of course YABU.

Why would FIL not "defend" his daughter?

And why should your husband defend you against his sister when you are the one who has made a nasty comment?

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 18/07/2010 12:12

If you're 6ft tall and your comment was about a short person's lack of height then I think your FIL's comment is about you being tall. I wouldn't read it as being about your weight, especially as you're not overweight.

So I don't see why you're been annoyed. I think your SIL has more reason to be annoyed and especially the new BIL. I'm 5ft2 and its hard been short, I'd love to be 6ft. However it must be even worse for a bloke to be 5ft4"!

RustyBear · 18/07/2010 12:17

All the women who are saying they don't mind being called short - sorry, but it really isn't the same as for a man.

For some reason it's seen as OK (even on MN which jumps so swiftly on other forms of prejudice) to make jokes about short men, which the men are supposed to accept on pain of being accused of 'not being able to take a joke'

So yes, the OP's comment was nasty in itself and doubly so on the couple's wedding photos. And if a comment like that had been made about my DS, I might not have been able to restrain myself from retaliating...

nickschick · 18/07/2010 12:19

I dont think saltire was being nasty a tad thoughtless but not nasty - her fil however was being nasty and if i were her id walk away from facebook now and refuse to become embroiled in this - you married your dh not his family,and if he cant/wont support you in respect of his family then dont put yourself in a situation where you need his support.

Either you take the 'family' as they are ,cruel jokes and comments or you back away and build your own family with dh and understand the fact that he wont turn away from his family.

Rosieeo · 18/07/2010 12:21

Yep, YABU.

You took the piss out of their wedding photos and their shortness. Your FIL took the piss out of your tallness in return.

Both remarks could be seen as a joke or as a rude comment.

RustyBear · 18/07/2010 12:23

Yes, it was nasty, it's a derogatory comment about a physical attribute which the person concerned can't help - how is that not nasty?

pozzling · 18/07/2010 12:33

I think YABU, and I agree that your comment was nasty. Why would you feel the need to make a 'joke' about a couple's appearance when they are proudly displaying their wedding photos? It just comes across as petty.

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