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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that MIL should look after kids when she said she would instead of booking a holiday. Ggrrrrrr!!

32 replies

XboxWidow30 · 17/07/2010 19:48

So, I AM FUMING!

We asked both sets of parents before booking a weekend away if they could look after our children. 2 kiddies going to one set and 2 going to the other. All said yes and we booked a hotel for 2 nights in London at the end of August fr our5th wedding anniversary.

Hubby has just had a text from his Mum to say they have booked a holiday for the day we are meant to be dropping kiddies off and going away for our weekend.

I am sooooo cross. We now have to cancel and after spending nearly 6 wees with the kids over the summer hols I figured I would need it!

AIBU to think that they could have booked at ANY other bloody time.

Aaaarrggggghhhhh!

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 17/07/2010 19:49

Can you test back and aks why? as did they forget you had a hotel booked for London that weekend as they agreed to have the dc?

have you a couple of friends that could help out with one dc each?

cfc · 17/07/2010 19:50

Bad form from the ILs there.

LimaCharlie · 17/07/2010 19:51

oh thats pretty crap - hope they forgot rather than did it deliberately and that you manage to find someone to look after the DC

Original poster

XboxWidow30 · 17/07/2010 19:54

No, they didn't forget. The text actually mentioned our weekend away.

The only close friend that I could rely on has 4 kiddies of her own and is on her own!

OP posts:

create · 17/07/2010 19:55

Surely they've just forgotten/got the dates muddled? I bet they'll be horrified and do everything they can to cancel theirs once they relise what they've done.

create · 17/07/2010 19:56

Oh Sorry X post

Are they usually like this? What is their excuse/explaination?

Original poster

XboxWidow30 · 17/07/2010 19:58

I find them very unhelpful compared to my parents.

When we visit the children just have to sit there whilst they chat. His Dad sits and watches Sky Sports the whole time we are there.

No excuse or explanation.

OP posts:

cfc · 17/07/2010 20:17

Get your DH to give them a right bollocking and ask your mum what she thinks you should do, she might offer to take all kiddies. Sometimes 4 is as easy as 2? Or so they say!!

And never, ever rely on them again.

Original poster

XboxWidow30 · 17/07/2010 20:21

My dh isn't bothered cos its his parents. He won't say anything.

My mum was having the baby anyway which I think she wasn't keen on but said yes so we could have a weekend away. I know she probably would have all four but I wouldn't want to do that to her!!!!!

OP posts:

zipzap · 18/07/2010 00:21

Could you send a text back saying something along the lines of 'if you didn't want to babysit for the children why didn't you just say so to start with?'. Alternatively, text 'fantastic - as you ARE looking after the kids that weekend, what time shall we drop them off to go with you? we have told them about it and they are really excited about coming with you'

and it will all be from your dh's phone so you can be bothered for him on his behalf and the IL will not know it is you

Sounds like they have done it becasue they are having second thoughts and don't want to babysit, so this way they don't have to say they don't want to and they won't be there for you to try to change their minds.

Do you know why they are going away - did they see a really cheap offer to their favourite hotel or place they wanted to go to, or good friends invited them to a special anniversary weekend away - ie something that they would use to justify booking that particular weekend, or did they just 'randomly' choose that weekend?

ninedragons · 18/07/2010 00:57

On the plus side, if I were you I would now consider myself thoroughly liberated from all Christmas obligations with them.

JosieZ · 18/07/2010 08:50

My MIL didnt' do anything for our kids, no games to play with when at her house, didn't babysit.

Now she is 88 and I feel nooooooo responsibility to have her to stay or visit regularly (she has lots of family other than OH) so you could say every cloud has a silver lining.

I sound mercenary but my elderly rellies are approaching nineties and it is alot of time and responsibility for many years so one less to worry about is good.

compo · 18/07/2010 08:55

That's realy shit
I'd get dh to phone her and fell her how upset he is and how you've lost lot of money as now you'll have to canceletc etc

SeaTrek · 18/07/2010 09:05

YANBU

That is so incredibly rude and such a cruel thing to do.

I would definately be feeling that I wouldn't want to spend any time with them in the future, and be able to do so guilt-free.

I hope you manage to sort something out - maybe your friend with four children could one, or maybe you could pay for a babysitter to help your mum in the afternoons and early evenings?

zandy · 18/07/2010 09:19

Ask them to do the weekend before. Or the weekend after.

LittleMissHissyFit · 18/07/2010 09:20

YANBU, poor you! that is really crap! I do hope you manage to find a way to keep your break.

NotHereThanks · 18/07/2010 09:26

TBH, I'm not sure why you would want to leave your dcs with them anyway....they don't exactly sound like they'd give them a nice time.

To be frank we've never had a night away from our dcs and wouldn't expect to as we chose to have four. Perhaps a weekend is pushing it without willing people to help out.

BeenBeta · 18/07/2010 09:34

TBH my parents and PILs woudld do just the same. Stopped feeling obliged to do Xmas years ago.

germl · 18/07/2010 09:46

YANBU - They shouldn't have booked to go away the same time as they had agreed to look after your children. If they didn't want to do it, they should have said so at the time.

Just had this with BIL although not overnight. We asked him to babysit our DS one evening - DS would be in bed so really just sitting there watching DVDs etc. He agreed and put it in his phone diary only to text my DH 3 days later to say he had just booked tickets for a gig he wanted to go to with mates and he wasn't doing it now. Luckily our neighbour is going to sit in - I hope you find a solution XBoxWidow30

GeekOfTheWeek · 18/07/2010 09:52

I think what they have done is really cruel.

I would't let it lie tbh.

deliciousdevilwoman · 18/07/2010 10:02

YANBU. Totally mean spirited on their part. In your shoes, I would fall on the mercy of my own mother and see if as a one off, and because you have no other options in terms of alternative carers-she would agree to have all four. I'd make sure I bought her a lovely bunch of flowers/wine as a thank you! Good luck. I hope it works out and you get to enjoy a weekend away for your anniversary.

2rebecca · 18/07/2010 10:12

If it was me and my husband wouldn't phone his parents I would phone them. A text message is not an acceptable way to ruin someone's plans. I would ask them why they had booked a holiday when they had agreed to look after their grandchildren and you had booked the weekend away. I would tell them that you feel you can't trust them do keep bargains any more and that they should have said at the time that they didn't want to babysit and might go away that week.
I would be annoyed with my husband for not being willing to say this himself though and to stand up for your relationship.
This is very unreasonable. Once they'd agreed to babysit they shouldn't have been looking at holidays including that weekend.

5DollarShake · 18/07/2010 10:19

YANB in the slightes bit unreasonable.

But is this one of those AIBU threads where you just want to vent, and don't want to take any of the advice from posters re rectifying the sitch, or at the very least making your unhappiness known to your ILs?

Not saying it it, just checking, like!

thelunar66 · 18/07/2010 11:03

YANBU - How very cruel of them. Can you change the weekend without it costing you too much? The hotel may be understanding if you ring and tell them what has happened.

I'd rebook it for the weekend after inlaws are due back - its unlikey they can think of another excuse that close to a holiday.

ssd · 18/07/2010 11:21

YANBU, thats rotten of them

we've only had 1 night away in 12 yrs so I know where you're coming from

however, I'd not ask in future and just accept it, thats life sometimes

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