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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not bothering to buy presents for teachers?

148 replies

luciemule · 16/07/2010 13:40

That's it really.
Every year, you see all the mums bringing in beautiful gifts for the teachers and I just think WTF?

They are there to teach my children; that's their job.

My SIL is a primary teacher and you should see all the crap gifts she gets every summer/xmas. She even had 3 of the same teddy bears one year all telling her she's a great teacher. She gave loads of her chocs and gifts away.

I feel like a scrooge but I'm sure I'm not the only one am I? The kids haven't asked me to buy anything anyway.

OP posts:
LittleSilver · 16/07/2010 13:42

YANBU. Unnecessary and tbh I think it puts teachers in a difficult position (disclaimer, am not a teacher!) Think it encourage a materialistic attitude as well.

I'm sure they would appreciate a home made card if you wanted to give anything.

staranise · 16/07/2010 13:44

Hmmm...up to you I guess but I feel our teachers work very hard for a low wage and it's nice to say thank you properly to someone who has an important role in your child's life. But then, my mum was a teacher so I was brought up to think that teachers are under-paid, over-worked angels!

In our class we do a group collection and buy vouchers for the teachers and TAs (to avoid the hundreds of boxes of chocolate etc). Some parents give lots, some parents give nothing, it's entirely up to them and I don't judge them either way.

feedmenow · 16/07/2010 13:47

I like your idea Staranise. I've/we've done that before.

I don't always get the teachers and TA's pressies. I pretty much leave it up to DC's to let me know if they want to get something.

But we do always get something for a particularly special teacher!

staranise · 16/07/2010 13:48

Perhaps it's becasue my children are very young (oldest is Y1) - I think there's less gift-giving as you move up the school?

Original poster
luciemule · 16/07/2010 13:51

I remember in DD's first school we did buy her teacher there some biscuits but she was the loveliest person you could ever meet and she had just broken her ankle! Here though, they all seem too busy to be that caring.

I like the making a card idea - DCs love making cards so will suggest that tonight.

OP posts:
SugarSpike · 16/07/2010 13:53

We do a round up and collect money and buy vouchers for the teachers, apparently they prefer this....or so the woman who organises it every year says. I dont mind saves me going out and shopping for pointless stuff, bunging a few quid in a pot is easier, I will however get them a nice card

staranise · 16/07/2010 13:54

The teachers get quite a lot round here - at the (posh state) school next to ours they request £10 per person... and there's 30 children in each class..

notnowbernard · 16/07/2010 13:56

YABU IMO

I will be buying dd1's teacher a present as she has done a fantastic job, is lovely, dd1 loves her and will miss her and DD1's report was amazing but

So it's a way of showing my gratitude and appreciation. Plus she's leaving the school this year

undercovamutha · 16/07/2010 13:56

We bought chocs for teacher/TAs at Xmas, but just got them a thank you card for this week.

I would happily pay into a collection, but it seems ridiculous for them to receive 30 boxes of chocs/teddies. And then you have to buy for the TAs too!

PuppyMonkey · 16/07/2010 14:01

We never did this for teachers when I was at school in the 70s. I was most surprised the first year my DD1 was at school and a whole load of parents came in with prezzies. Then the following couple of years I got "asked" to give to a collection - one to a teacher I thought was a bit rubbish frankly. It's odd. I work hard for a low wage too and nobody buys me gifts just for doing my job.

SE13Mummy · 16/07/2010 14:04

Nothing unreasonable about that at all and I'm a teacher!
My DDs teacher will be given a picture book which she loves - DD took it in for 'show and tell' and the teacher has waxed lyrical about since. She's an NQT and doesn't yet have lots of picture books of her own, DD will write a message in it as she adores her (DD is just finishing Reception).

maktaitai · 16/07/2010 14:09

YANBU. I have been corrupted by the peer attitude here and have gone from nothing to forcing ds to bake a few biscuits. This year though, ds's wonderful worshipful Year 1 teacher is leaving and I am actually running the collection - but TBH I would lave her feet with my hair, I larrrve her, and given that I think she would prefer a few vouchers and a bottle of wine to the laving, I'm doing it.

I will be tough next year though. Although, the teacher next year is great too, and she's been there for years and years and it seems a bit hard that she doesn't get a present just because she's staying [weakens]...

tethersend · 16/07/2010 14:13

I've said it before, and I'll say it again- the greatest gift for a teacher is six weeks away from your children.

It's the gift that keeps on giving.

notnowbernard · 16/07/2010 14:13

As a nurse, I really do not expect to be given anything by a patient

But if they decide to leave a tin of biccies or a box of chocs for us as a token of thanks, it really is appreciated!

I see no difference with teachers. She has spent a lot of time with my child over the last year, has taught her well, child subsequently loves going to school and being taught by her... why not buy something to say thanks?!

I think the people saying "it's a job they're paid to do" etc etc are a bit mean-spirited, tbh

pozzling · 16/07/2010 14:16

YANBU not to buy presents if you don't want to. No one should feel pressured to do so, or it's meaningless anyway IMO. But I do think it is unreasonable to have no acknowledgement at all of the hard work that teachers put in- whether it's a present, thank you card or a parent (or older child) who takes the time to come and see the teacher towards the end of term and say 'Thanks'.

Yes, it's a job and it's what we get paid for, but it is also long hours, hard work and stressful. I say thank you to many people who are just doing their job- waiters, shop staff, doctors etc etc, so I find it a bit rude when people don't even bother to do that.

(Sorry have gone off on a bit of a tangent)

cheltenhamgal · 16/07/2010 14:18

I don't agree with the giving of presents and I am not mean-spirited. I agree that they are doing a job just the same as I do and they would be getting paid far more than I do ! if when one of my DD teachers has gone over and above then I have been known to buy a present or DD has made a card. Another reason I don't agree with it is that I overheard one of the teachers moaning " ooh not another box of chocolates, couldn't be a bot of wine could it !! " so YANU

Housemum · 16/07/2010 14:26

I usually give a bottle of wine - something nice but on special offer so under a fiver a bottle. I figure that there are only so many chocs/biscuits you can eat before they go out of date, you can have too many flippin' candles (I have loads) and most people drink wine or can take it along to a friend's house. Of course if DD gets a Muslim/Methodist teacher in future I may have to rethink my plan... (bubble bath?)

wagonweel · 16/07/2010 14:39

I'm not buying for my dcs teachers this year either. Not because they dont deserve anything, they are lovely teachers and have done a great job with my dc.

But, they receive lots of "best teacher" pens, cups, picture frames etc, wine, chocs & flowers and its the same every year.

Instead, my dc have done a little hand made card thanking them (in their own words, with a few little spelling mistakes aswell) for being lovely teachers. It doesnt really matter if they dont even keep these after theyv read them.

I dont think for one minute the teachers will think any different of you whether you do or dont buy for them. Half the time, they probably dont even know whose bought what when its all piled up on the desk & labels fall off.

fathersday · 16/07/2010 14:45

we do a collection at our school as well, going rate is a fiver per member of staff, so for each kid that is fiver for teacher, fiver for TA, and fiver for any other random music teacher / language teacher who has been hanging around. With 3 kids, that is 60 quid minimum for me in one school, and then at drama lessons last week a mum came up with a big bag of cash, and a list of everyone's names, and asked me if i'd like to put in for the drama teacherS plural -presents, going rate a fiver each for the 3 of them. I said I didn't have any cash on me. She said that's ok you can give enxt time (my own fault for not just saying outright I AM NOT MADE OF MONEY!!!!) and wrote next to our name 'next week' and i could see she had put ticks enxt to others adn 'no contrib' next to others. If I gave a fiver each to each teacher and each runner of activities, i would spend £100 at end of each year in tips. I kind of resent that!
I also wish I had one of their jobs and got a nice big load of john lewis vouchers at the end of every year though1

mini33 · 16/07/2010 14:45

It is great receiving presents obviously (I am a Y6 teacher). Wine, chocolates and biscuits are all highly recommended lol
However, I do not 'expect' a present and am always suitably grateful however big or small the gift.
What I particularly like is a card that has been written in by the parent and child thanking me for the job I have done. That makes me feel that the extra effort I have put in to my job (yes, I know it is my job, but I do try extra specially hard to do the very best for each child) has been appreciated.

SirBoobAlot · 16/07/2010 14:51

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. It might well be their job, but its a hard one, and its nice to say thank you. Doesn't have to be a huge something, does it?

motheroftwoboys · 16/07/2010 14:51

Ignorance talking here but are teachers REALLY lowly paid? TAs maybe but not teachers. I work at a school as support staff and the teachers here are certainly not badly paid and even the "baby" teachers straight from uni are on more than the national average. And we know all about Primary School Heads btw at this independent senior school presents for teachers are certainly not the norm but the odd pupil brings in a bottle of wine or a box of chocs.

pozzling · 16/07/2010 14:56

I am always taken aback by these schools where each parent is 'expected' to contribute a certain amount to a collection. I would be absolutely mortified to think that parents were being pressurised into this. I don't think I would contribute to such a scheme on principle, how embarassing for those who genuinely can't afford it.

staranise · 16/07/2010 14:58

Round here, primary school teachers are low-paid compared with most of the parents but I'm in London where most public sector are considered to be low paid.

When I see the queue of parents waiting to talk to our teacher at the end of the day ("Where's Tom's jumper?", "Why has Joanne got this level of reading book and Julie hasn't?", "Can I give you this to give to Miss *", "Why hasn't little Timmy got a bigger role in the class assembly?" etc etc) I don't think you could pay me enough to do their job.

fathersday · 16/07/2010 14:58

i agree pozzling, i can afford it, i am just tight! But I cringe when people clearyl on benefits without much cash are asked - when i was no income support every bloody penny was accounted for and even then i didn't have enough, so to ask to dish out fivers willy nilly would have been an utter nightmare.